I just do not know what to do

fletch3163

Hello Tina

I've not posted here before but I've read and read, and watched and hoped, and wished along with you (and all you other posters). I am so sorry to hear it didn't go the way you wanted it to. Now is not the time to think about unanswered prayers but in time you might look back and see this for what it truly is, a lucky escape.

In a while you might look back and see that even if he did stop this behaviour and go back to the way it was, you would probably regret it, even if not right away, you would.

I too am one of those people who just wants the bad stuff to stop so I completely understand your desire to scrub out what's happened.

I don't have any advice but I'm truly wishing you the best. Please try to give yourself a break though. No disrespect meant but you need to think about you for a change.

tinatony1

nm123 wrote: »

If you're near Essex/London, I'll come and meet you for a cuppa?! I've never met anyone from "The Internet" before!

There's some really good advice from people on here. I don't think you're quite ready to take it just yet, but I hope you will be soon. Write off this week as The Sh!ttest Week of Your Life and next week will be better.

One other thing - he's not the right person to help you through this. As much as he probably feels guilty and as much as you want him to be there for you, it's just not right. This is going to sound really harsh, but that image you have of him and her? Keep it in mind whenever he wants to help...

sorry but im in norfolk, bit of a long way to go for a cuppa, but thank you for the offer, i've never met anyone from the internet either

you are right though this is the sh!ttest week of all time but i suppose it can only get better:rolleyes:

tinatony1

nm123 wrote: »

Can you go to HR instead?

no way, i work for a very large company, they couldnt give a freaking to$$
about the little people:mad:

piglet74

im so sorry things didnt work out how you might have liked, but you never know, in 6 weeks, or 6 months or maybe a year you could be thinking "ohhh im so glad he never picked me....im well rid"!!!

i really hope so anyway, :A

jack*tigger

(((HUGS))) Tina. I'm sorry things didn't work out how you wanted. Life, as they say, is a total !!!!!.

They also say "If life serves you lemons make lemonade".

Get yourself a big piece of paper and write down all the things that you want to do with your life e.g. go bungee jumping, work in America, have a cat, learn to paint, audition for X factor. Whatever you like. And start looking forward.

You need to make a list of the practical things that need sorting - house, mortgage, bills, etc. And get them sorted. I know this will make things seem final but it seems that they are so best to grab the bull by the horns.

You also need to stop your ex from helping - it's only going to make him feel better and that's not your job now. And talking of helping him you need to give him a deadline for telling his folks. I would suggest sometime before Christmas - I would assume they would expect to see you and your ex together over the festivities. He has to start taking responsibility for the decision he has made.

I would also suggest that on on of your lists you add - find a better job. Somewhere where they will appreciate you and will be friendlier. If you need to retrain first add that to your list too.

Lastly look into volunteering at a soup kitchen over Christmas. It will keep you busy, you will see that there are worse positions to be in and you will feel great for doing something useful.

Oh and others have said - scream and shout as much as you like. You have to let the grief and anger out. You'll feel much better in the long run if you do.

Sexy_Legs

tinatony1 wrote: »

no way, i work for a very large company, they couldnt give a freaking to$$
about the little people:mad:

Does your company have a confidential helpline service that you can use for perhaps some telephone and/or face to face councilling.

zztopgirl

Hope am ok to post links, these have helped me a bit...

http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com/

http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/

I havent tried this as yet, but it looks good, hoping it may help you Tina
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14703-thought-stopping-in-recovery/

I sent you another pm :A but also dont forget that you can ring the samaritans, they arent just there for the obvious, will post more links as i find them, have loads of stuff bookmarked anyway cos have found it an enormous help to read.:A

Mely

Tina, i am so very sorry for whats happened. I kept hoping against hope that there would be a happy ending for you x.
There have been some excellent advice given for you, and when you feel up to it read it all back and try and work on it. I know your not up to it now, and you have to take it an hour at a time, let alone a day at a time. But give yourself a reasonable time frame, then start getting proactive. Get your life back slowly and in your own time.
As other posters have already said, you really do need to cut H out of your life completely(keeping your thoughts of him with the b*tch together will help you do this, sorry but its true) . No more lifts off him etc. Otherwise it is prolonging your agony. I also think that he is keeping you hanging on in case things dont work out with the b*tch, and he can then come back to you. And maybe he`s trying to ease his guilt. He is not worth it, and you are worth far, far better! In time he will realise what he has done and what he has lost, and you will be able to tell him to get lost and carry on with a happy and contented life. I doubt his will be!
Do you think that you could talk to your sister in law in confidence? As i really feel that you need to talk to a 'real' person, as well as getting support from us on the internet.
Dont forget we are always here for you, for however long you need us.
Mel X

tinatony1

I really cannot talk to my sister in law, she is not that sort of person really, i dont even feel like i can talk to my dad, he is far to involved with stuff about my mum, she has alzheimers and he is part of every group going, this always comes first in his life. i just wish i could talk to my mum, but she doesnt even know who i am anymore.

Lunar_Eclipse

tinatony1 wrote: »

i just wish i could talk to my mum, but she doesnt even know who i am anymore.

Sorry about your update Tina.:o

Maybe you could talk to your Mum anyway. It might help you feel better and you might just experience a miracle. You have nothing to lose, even if she can't talk back. Just a thought.