I just do not know what to do

mumslave

Its entirely possible to keep loving someone whom hurts you so badly, but it is a very damaging love to keep. I think sometimes, when a person is badly betrayed in a relationship, they tend to try to blame themselves, to excuse their partners and in doing so, allow their partners to see just how much power they have. Tina, even if you were to have him back and all was rosy in the park for a while, it is very possible he would cheat again, after all....whos to say you wouldnt forgive him a second time...or a third time....

I am not really a one for hugs and kissys, but I am very sorry that he has hurt you, however I am not sorry that he continues to do so, because if it means you will leave him and make a new life for your own, where you will meet someone far more special than this man is, then I will be glad for what he is doing. Yes sometimes a relationship can make it after an affair, but this guy you know, he doesnt even seem in the slightest bit bothered about what he is doing, as long as he is happy and getting what he wants. Thats not the signs of a man whom knows he has made a terrible mistake.

Lunar_Eclipse

mumslave wrote: »

this guy you know, he doesnt even seem in the slightest bit bothered about what he is doing, as long as he is happy and getting what he wants. Thats not the signs of a man whom knows he has made a terrible mistake.

Exactly.:o

suburbanwifey

mumslave wrote: »

Its entirely possible to keep loving someone whom hurts you so badly, but it is a very damaging love to keep. I think sometimes, when a person is badly betrayed in a relationship, they tend to try to blame themselves, to excuse their partners and in doing so, allow their partners to see just how much power they have. Tina, even if you were to have him back and all was rosy in the park for a while, it is very possible he would cheat again, after all....whos to say you wouldnt forgive him a second time...or a third time....

I am not really a one for hugs and kissys, but I am very sorry that he has hurt you, however I am not sorry that he continues to do so, because if it means you will leave him and make a new life for your own, where you will meet someone far more special than this man is, then I will be glad for what he is doing. Yes sometimes a relationship can make it after an affair, but this guy you know, he doesnt even seem in the slightest bit bothered about what he is doing, as long as he is happy and getting what he wants. Thats not the signs of a man whom knows he has made a terrible mistake.

No, it's usually the sign of a sociopath. This guy fits the criteria perfectly. His total lack of guilt is astounding. I'm no medical professional, but this guy is a classic case in my opinion. One should run as fast and as far as one can from such a type. They are toxic and damage every life they touch.

Bogof_Babe

I have to say I am changing my mind Tina. I really thought he'd be grovelling for forgiveness long before now, and I also thought he wouldn't keep going to see the OW once it was out in the open. I still think he is very mixed up in his head, and doesn't know what he wants himself, but that is his problem not yours - except the longer he dithers around the more it becomes yours.

When you were in the car together and drove past her, did he tell you that was her? I got the impression you didn't know what she was like until then. If he did, I can't imagine what his reason for telling you could be.

I am beginning to think that in your shoes I'd be getting in touch with her myself, just so that all parties are in the loop and you can move on from this point like three adults. It might just shock her into realising that she is actually ruining someone else's life, not just having a bit of fun.

You never know, his work might take a dim view of the whole thing, and either of them could be in jeopardy of their jobs if this isn't sorted out soon.

tinatony1

suburbanwifey wrote: »

No, it's usually the sign of a sociopath. This guy fits the criteria perfectly. His total lack of guilt is astounding. I'm no medical professional, but this guy is a classic case in my opinion. One should run as fast and as far as one can from such a type. They are toxic and damage every life they touch.

not helpfull in the slightest

worriedsik

tinatony1 wrote: »

not helpfull in the slightest

Hi tina what is the latest can you ( if you want ) tell us whats happening now if you could briefly post where you are at with this terible situation because reading back iam a bit confused
is he away from home still ? is he still with her ?

you may not want to hear peoples opinions as its not what you want to hear and thats understandable its dificult when you are in it to see it how other people looking in can see , but people are trying to make you see that you should value yourself

iam 3 months down the line tina and i feel great now iam at college and doing my own thing now , its scary being on your own after being in the relationship it takes a bit off getting used to but i would rather be on my own than in the mess i was in.

lets know where you are at with this

hugs x

tinatony1

worriedsik wrote: »

Hi tina what is the latest can you ( if you want ) tell us whats happening now if you could briefly post where you are at with this terible situation because reading back iam a bit confused
is he away from home still ? is he still with her ? Yes He is still away from home , Yes he is still at hers. We are talking, politely for the most part. D Day is on saturday when the 2 weeks are up, we will be discussing what is going to happen then.

you may not want to hear peoples opinions as its not what you want to hear and thats understandable its dificult when you are in it to see it how other people looking in can see , but people are trying to make you see that you should value yourself. I really do understand that people have different opinions but i just cant see how calling him a sociopath is going to make me feel better or stronger in any way. He may not be the right man for me anymore but i still love him, wrongly or rightly, and if by some miracle he decides he wants to give it another go then i know it will be tough and involve alot of hard work. I do value myself, truly i do

iam 3 months down the line tina and i feel great now iam at college and doing my own thing now , its scary being on your own after being in the relationship it takes a bit off getting used to but i would rather be on my own than in the mess i was in.

lets know where you are at with this

hugs x

Thank you for the hugs, i have said many times that i appreciate everyones thoughts and feelings for me but i am trying to work it out my way which might not be everyones way but if i can make it work for me then thats ok. I know i might not get what i want. (truly deep down dont think i will) but i can hope as that is all i have at the moment.
xxxxxx

neneromanova

Are you going to be able to trust him again if you give it another go?

*hugs*

worriedsik

I know you still love him thats the dificult part , i loved the guy that i had to eventually get shot off because it dragged me down so much....he was just playing with me in the end
but i guess i had my cut off point and you will have yours too
he was always contacting me after i said enough is enough , he kept doing it pulling me back in then disgarding me at his leasure & taking full advantage off the love he knew i had for him.
eventually i had to report him to the police for electronic harrasment & now iam free , it hurt like hell but now he has no controll i have takin it out off his hands
i fear that you may go through similiar
i just dont understand why he is staying with her to make his 'decision' why cant he make it when staying at home ?
i fully understand you have to work it out your way so wait untill wkend then and see what happens.
i hope that you have decided what to do if it doesnt go in your faviour & not keep being sucked in like i was because that is sole destroying

xx
h

tinatony1

if it doesn't go the way i hope then i will deal with it,
i guess i am sort of used to being on my own now, i wont like it but i will have to get on with it.
At the end of the day all my illusions have been shattered, i thought life was good and happy but have in fact discovered it is completely Sh*t