I just do not know what to do

Ruby_Moon

tinatony1 wrote: »

I know he is also in the wrong, he knows he is in the wrong.

what i am saying is that if she had had any respect for anyone she wouldnt have done anything and then this situation would not have happened.

He was becoming unhappy, if she had not been around then he would have told me eventually and it would have hopefully been able to be worked on.

I am annoyed at him but not as much as her, i am sorry if that is wrong but that is how i feel, if it does all come to an end with me and H then i will work through that at the time but at the moment i still have the hope that he will realise what a total pratt he has been.

sorry if that sounds like a rant

I am sorry in advance but that is a load of rubbish. If that woman was not around, it would have been another woman.
He was receptive to flirting and that attracts flirting.
I had what you would call an affair once although I didn't know it was an affair. I was with a guy who I did not know was married and neither did anyone he worked with. I had been with him for about 5 months before I found out that he was actually married.
It was very difficult to deal with because obviously at that time I had a lot more feelings for him.
Once lying and cheating starts trust is lost and even though you might think all is forgiven or that things can get back to normal, deep down inside you have lost respect for the man and more importantly, because a lot of women take the cheater back, the cheater loses respect for their wives/girlfriends for being weak enough to take them back.....hence cheating over and over again.
The other woman is sometimes to blame though, she shouldn't really go after what isn't free but the majority of it is on the cheaters shoulders as they are the ones who are doing the dirty.

salesaddict

tinatony1 wrote: »

if it doesn't go the way i hope then i will deal with it,
i guess i am sort of used to being on my own now, i wont like it but i will have to get on with it.
At the end of the day all my illusions have been shattered, i thought life was good and happy but have in fact discovered it is completely Sh*t

I am so sorry that you feel like this. I will be thinking of you on Saturday and I really wish you the very best of luck. I hope you are taking care of yourself as much as possible.

Ruby_Moon

When he wanders back into your house and takes you to work doesn't it bother you in the slightest that he was more than likely making love to another woman the night before?
He shared dinner and perhaps a bottle of wine before they took a bath together, giggled as they fell into bed and then sighed at each other when they lay in each others arms whispering sweet nothings, perhaps promising each other ever lasting love and happiness?
Seriously, you can still have him near you and want him back?

Michelin

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

When he wanders back into your house and takes you to work doesn't it bother you in the slightest that he was more than likely making love to another woman the night before?
He shared dinner and perhaps a bottle of wine before they took a bath together, giggled as they fell into bed and then sighed at each other when they lay in each others arms whispering sweet nothings, perhaps promising each other ever lasting love and happiness?
Seriously, you can still have him near you and want him back?

I honestly do not believe that this is necessary. She is having a hard enough time at the moment without having her nose rubbed in it - how hurtful.

Pollycat

Michelin wrote: »

I honestly do not believe that this is necessary. She is having a hard enough time at the moment without having her nose rubbed in it - how hurtful.

I agree with you, Michelin.

A couple of days ago, I quoted a lot of Tina's posts - but that was to try to show (IMHO) how her OH was messing with her head by giving her mixed messages over the last month or so - in response to her question

this isnt me being stupid is it, these are definately mixed signals.

Tina is a very strong person, although she doesn't think she is (I think she'd make a great friend) - to quote Margaret Thatcher 'THIS lady is not for turning.'

We've all given advice, let's just be here for her if she needs us.

tinatony1

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

When he wanders back into your house and takes you to work doesn't it bother you in the slightest that he was more than likely making love to another woman the night before?
He shared dinner and perhaps a bottle of wine before they took a bath together, giggled as they fell into bed and then sighed at each other when they lay in each others arms whispering sweet nothings, perhaps promising each other ever lasting love and happiness?
Seriously, you can still have him near you and want him back?

Thanks alot

that has made me feel so much better about this whole situation.

Not

tinatony1

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree with you, Michelin.

A couple of days ago, I quoted a lot of Tina's posts - but that was to try to show (IMHO) how her OH was messing with her head by giving her mixed messages over the last month or so - in response to her question

Tina is a very strong person, although she doesn't think she is (I think she'd make a great friend) - to quote Margaret Thatcher 'THIS lady is not for turning.'

We've all given advice, let's just be here for her if she needs us.

Thanks Pollycat and Michelin, i appreciate your comments very much.

miamoo

I have been following this thread, and just wanted to say him picking you up, taking you out etc is not good, you should not let him do it, you are 'helping him to leave you'. When you first split both your worlds turn upside down, he will miss things you did together, and he will want them things back, you are giving him those little bits of 'normality' without him having to be with you.
Does that make any sense?

I have been where you are with 2 children under 6, my OH sat me down an told me he was cheating and didn't know what he wanted. I had no idea, I like you begged him to come back, and eventually he did. Well when he came back that was when I realised the damage had already been done, I couldn't trust him, even though I wanted to so much. So I told him to go.
It wasn't easy but it was the right thing to do

Morglin

Why would you want someone who obviously neither loves or respects you?

Move on and find someone who loves you totally.

We all get over bad things, and things often happen for a reason.

Lin

gizmo1970_2

First time poster and replying to this sort of thread isn’t why I joined … having said that I thought I’d say a few words, partially as 10 years ago I went through something very similar after a 10 year relationship …

First and foremost, only you know the nature of the relationship between the two of you, however much you tell people on here. Therefore some people’s advice may be wide of the mark (quite a lot probably isn’t though)

What is inevitable is that being so close to things is clouding your judgement as you are not able to take a step back and see things objectively. As people have said before (I think) Relate may help with this or confiding in a friend who can listen and give impartial advice.

if i am wrong then i am wrong, i will just have to pick up the pieces and go on with life, but i wont stop loving him even then

Trust me, IF you do split up you will find that in time you will love the memories of the man and not the man himself, however you will find it hard to believe that right now.

I can understand the logic behind setting a deadline for a decision but isn’t the most important thing to get the RIGHT outcome for YOU, not a quick one? Act in haste, repent at leisure etc etc. Reading back, I think this all blew up a month ago – that is nothing in the context of the length of the relationship and the rest of your life.

Finally, I am trying to avoid telling you which way to go here but(!) will add one final note –after being cheated on and then getting divorced, it took me about 2 years to get anywhere near back to being myself. Now, 10 years later, I can look back and see how many good times we had together (despite the way it ended), how much stronger I am as a person because of the experience and how bl**dy fantastic life is right now despite being single (which isn’t anywhere near as scary as I once thought it would be)

All the best