I just do not know what to do

worriedsik

tinatony1 wrote: »

thanks Sexylegs

I was thinking last night that all my life i have been the giver, everybody has always wanted stuff from me and i have obliged but never seem to get the same consideration back, i am not saying that everybody should be totally selfish just that i am sick of being taken for granted.

lightbulb moment perhaps i dont know, it was just that after a message from my dad asking me to help him sort out his car insurance that i realised he didnt even ask how i was just that he needed me to help him.

without you guys it would have been so much harder to get through this

so thank you all so very much ((( huge hugs))) to everyone
xxxx

Hi tina
i have always been the giver in every relationship i have been in inc parents , sister , brother , friends and partners, never expecting anything in return ever untill recently when i had enough. ( started feeling bitter and hurt )

i could never get my head round the fact that when somebody is supposed to love us then it should come natural to give back into the relationship ...it seems that i have been busy directing all my love at the wrong people !
there are the givers in this world and the takers

iam now concentrating on the people in my life who care about me & iam realizing that i am worth being treated with respect , iam now concentrating on me & my self esteem so that i am a healthier being & able see these people coming.
it is such a shame that the guy i was seeing and spoiling with all my love and affection which included making him meals , looking after him , doing all sorts basically giving my all then i got really poorly & guess what ! he wasnt there for me that hurt me as iam a sensitive person , not hard not street wise ( it seems ) and i dont want to be anyway
i like who iam and iam not going to change but i will be more cautious in the future as to who i love/ help etc

I hope the outcome goes in your favour tomorrow , i realise you have to go through stages GOD i went through them all myself untill eventually i had to sever the contact , excruciatingly painful as it was i could not go on
if you reach that stage iam sure everybody here will give you support

good luck x

mumslave

Hi Tina,

Be careful you dont direct your anger/hurt at the wrong people. Your dad may not have mentioned it, because dads arent the best at dealing with emotional things. Even if he is quite good at it, he may not be wanting to upset you. It doesnt necessarily mean he doesnt care does it?

My wise granny once told me, when I was quite young, that you can never go through life, expecting back what you give out. If you do, you will always be disappointed and become bitter. A giver is a wonderful person, yes it leaves you open to be taken advantage of, but be careful you dont become so protective of yourself, you push those whom love you away. You are going through a huge upheavel just now and could do with all the support in real life you can get. Best of luck with D day. x

Pollycat

Mischa wrote: »

It seems as though you do not trust him anyway, otherwise why would you go through his phone rather than ask him straight out? I agree with zippychick in that just because it looks dodgy, doesn't actually mean that anything has happened. Ok, so there were lots of kisses. Now all I can say on that is I have a lot of male friends and sometimes I send more kisses in a text to them then I do my husband! It's just something I do without thinking, especially if we have been talking about some troubles they may have been having in their life or we have planned a get together and when I get excited i put extra kisses, but I don't know how their partners react, because I wouldn't expect anyone to got through another's phone to check, but I agree that it looks really bad and would knock you for six, if that was my husband I would be concerned, but I would ask him straight out. of course, he could lie to you, but when you know someone that well, you now if they are lying, so just ask and see how you feel. It baffles me that if he was innocent he would need time to think, think about what? And the first time what, exactly, has happened? What does he mean? Tinatony1, we are all hear for you. Never think that you don't have anyone to talk to because we are all hear to listen and help and support you. How do you feel? Why has the trust gone? Just be honest with yourself, not matter what happens, the truth is all you need because with the truth, you can move forward. Best wishes and a BIG HUG! :-) x x x

Mischa
Have you even read Tina's very first post on this thread?

Zippychick's post that you refer to was a month ago - and we now know that Tina's OH HAS done something wrong.
He's been seeing another woman.
He's not innocent.
He needs time to think about who he wants to be with.

salesaddict

tinatony1 wrote: »

thanks Sexylegs

I was thinking last night that all my life i have been the giver, everybody has always wanted stuff from me and i have obliged but never seem to get the same consideration back, i am not saying that everybody should be totally selfish just that i am sick of being taken for granted.

lightbulb moment perhaps i dont know, it was just that after a message from my dad asking me to help him sort out his car insurance that i realised he didnt even ask how i was just that he needed me to help him.

without you guys it would have been so much harder to get through this

so thank you all so very much ((( huge hugs))) to everyone
xxxx

HI Tina,

I think it is a typically female way to be. All my female friends and relatives are like you, particularly towards the men in their life. Always willing to give a second chance. I wish you well for tomorrow.

Take care X

Money_maker

Just out of interest (cos I'm too lazy to re read the thread), following Tinas comments over the last few days, what if he still stalls and says he hasn't made a decision tomorrow? What if he avoids her to save having to discuss it?

Tina, would you regain control by 'demanding' he either finish it with her and return to you or stay where he is, never to return. Or do you have some other idea in mind?

Only asking as he doesn't seem to be very specific about his future plans. Looks like life with his 'new woman' is not quite as rosy as he thought it would be and he may be trying to keep his options / your door open.

BTW, good luck for tomorrow, thinking of you. Hope you will get a decision whichever way so you can move forward x

fabforty

tinatony1 wrote: »

thanks Sexylegs

I was thinking last night that all my life i have been the giver, everybody has always wanted stuff from me and i have obliged but never seem to get the same consideration back, i am not saying that everybody should be totally selfish just that i am sick of being taken for granted.

lightbulb moment perhaps i dont know, it was just that after a message from my dad asking me to help him sort out his car insurance that i realised he didnt even ask how i was just that he needed me to help him.

without you guys it would have been so much harder to get through this

so thank you all so very much ((( huge hugs))) to everyone
xxxx

There's nothing wrong with being a giver, as long as you do it for the right reasons, accept that it might not be reciprocated, and you know when to stop (i.e. when to say no).

We know today is d-day - we're all thining of you.

Mely

Tina...ive been thinking of you today. I hope you are ok.
Mel xXx

NualaBuala

Mely wrote: »

Tina...ive been thinking of you today. I hope you are ok.
Mel xXx

Me too. I have my fingers crossed for you.

N x

Michelin

Hi Tina, just wondering how things are today? Are you OK?

neneromanova

No news is good news right? Fingers crossed