I just do not know what to do

tinatony1

I am ok.

Met H after work last night, he gave me a lift home, said he would stay for a cup of tea ???????

he went away, then came back to take me to pool, he was nice and pleasant.

i enjoyed pool all the guys were buying me drinks and i had longs chats with one of the guys there, we have always got on well

when we left he said to me " you were having a nice chat with ***", almost like he was jealous ? normally in this situation i would say things like oh dont be silly blah blah blah, this time i just said yes.

there is nothing in it but he's easy to talk to.

i still dont understand what the hell is going on but i said to him last night in the car that if he is going then so be it, his choice , his loss

he didnt say anything after that??????

Pollycat

No point trying to second-guess him, Tina, he's going all the way to the wire with this. :rolleyes:

Do any of his friends you saw last night know what's been going on?
Didn't anyone say anything about how much weight you'd lost?
Or how drawn and tired you were looking?

tinatony1

As far as i know none of hem know what has been happening, they certainly didnt act as if they knew anything was any different

no one mentioned anything about the weight loss, blokes dont tend to notice that sort of thing anyway

im not trying to second guess him but it just seems so weird, as i said to him if hes going hes going, i might not like it but at the end of the day the decision is his.

when i am around him i am trying to be so reasonable and calm, he is the one who seems to be so angry all the time, not at me but the whole world.

he never used to be like that,

tinatony1

As far as i know none of hem know what has been happening, they certainly didnt act as if they knew anything was any different

no one mentioned anything about the weight loss, blokes dont tend to notice that sort of thing anyway

im not trying to second guess him but it just seems so weird, as i said to him if hes going hes going, i might not like it but at the end of the day the decision is his.

when i am around him i am trying to be so reasonable and calm, he is the one who seems to be so angry all the time, not at me but the whole world.

he never used to be like that, he was always so laid back, not now ??

mumslave

Tina, what are you doing hun? You dont have any kids with this man, there is nothing tying you to him but your feelings. For goodness sake, just let him go and let yourself heal, you deserve so much more than a man like this. What do you think will happen if he does eventually get rid of the other woman? Do you think he will never cheat again? I am sure i sound like a right patronising moo, but honestly, I feel so angry towards your OH reading this post, I wish you could trust in that although it may feel the world has ended, it will not last forever. Take control of the ball, why is it in his court, be firm, get him told and stop wasting your life with someone whom is clearly as cold hearted to keep you hanging on whilst he messes about with another woman. Isnt 11 years enough?

worriedsik

Tina
I have been reading your thread from the start & without sounding horrible & selfish ( i have been reading it for my own reference & guidance ) but its been good reading for me because i have been going through similar , & of course at the same time have great sympathy for you as i understand to well the complications when you love somebody dearly & they treat you with such disrespect.
Please claw back some self respect & dignity and take the bull by the horns PLEASE before you are totally destroyed , take back some power now
I wouldn't wait untill the wkend ( sorry ) life is way to short and precious if he wanted to be with you he would be there
It will hurt tina but you will start to feel beter ( how much more painful can it get from what you are feeling now ? ) i promise you will , i do now feel on the road to recovery claiming back my life which somebody i loved dearly , claimed my life for his own to toy with using the love i had for him to his advantage ! thats not the love we should want tina or deserve , you deserve so much more .
you really should get this over with ASAP so that you can start healing you are postponing the inevatable
Hugs to you i know how torture's this can be xx

Mely

mumslave wrote: »

Tina, what are you doing hun? You dont have any kids with this man, there is nothing tying you to him but your feelings. For goodness sake, just let him go and let yourself heal, you deserve so much more than a man like this. What do you think will happen if he does eventually get rid of the other woman? Do you think he will never cheat again? I am sure i sound like a right patronising moo, but honestly, I feel so angry towards your OH reading this post, I wish you could trust in that although it may feel the world has ended, it will not last forever. Take control of the ball, why is it in his court, be firm, get him told and stop wasting your life with someone whom is clearly as cold hearted to keep you hanging on whilst he messes about with another woman. Isnt 11 years enough?

worriedsik wrote: »

Tina
I have been reading your thread from the start & without sounding horrible & selfish ( i have been reading it for my own reference & guidance ) but its been good reading for me because i have been going through similar , & of course at the same time have great sympathy for you as i understand to well the complications when you love somebody dearly & they treat you with such disrespect.
Please claw back some self respect & dignity and take the bull by the horns PLEASE before you are totally destroyed , take back some power now
I wouldn't wait untill the wkend ( sorry ) life is way to short and precious if he wanted to be with you he would be there
It will hurt tina but you will start to feel beter ( how much more painful can it get from what you are feeling now ? ) i promise you will , i do now feel on the road to recovery claiming back my life which somebody i loved dearly , claimed my life for his own to toy with using the love i had for him to his advantage ! thats not the love we should want tina or deserve , you deserve so much more .
you really should get this over with ASAP so that you can start healing you are postponing the inevatable
Hugs to you i know how torture's this can be xx

Tina...i have been following your story from the beginning, and whilst i do understand why you feel the way you do. You really need to seriously take the above posts on board. They are spot on!
What kind of man would put somone that they love and care about through this hell? I know you have had a good life with him untill this happened, but some things are unforgivable. And i think what he has put you through is unforgivable, you are worth much, much more!
Do you really think things will go back as they were if he decides to go back to you? Im sorry but i dont think that they can. You would always worry that he might do it again(and always have no peace of mind when hes not with you), and what if he does? How much of your life are you prepared to waste on this man? I hope i am not sounding harsh, as i really dont mean to be. I just really feel that you are prolonging the pain for yourself. And that once you take control of the situation and tell him its over, and no coming back, you can begin to build yourself up and start a new, exciting and happy life! I think you know what you have to do, but only you can decide when, and if you do it.
Mel ((((hugs)))) xxXxx

salesaddict

Hello Tina,

sorry I can't remember if you had suggested going to Relate to him, and if you did, I can't remember what he said. I know a couple of posters have mentioned Relate on here.

I wonder how you feel about that for yourself? I went there 15 years ago and it was the best thing, I think, that I have ever done for myself.

I have been married 25 years now, but at that time I came the closest I have ever come to having an affair. Behaving like that was so contrary to everything I was ever brought up to believe in.

My husband is a head in the sand type. I never told him about what nearly happened with my work colleague. But it was all too obvious that there were problems in our marriage. He refused to come with me but I made it clear that I would go alone and that I would discuss any of the sessions with him if he wanted to. He never wanted to know. But throughout the months that I went for my weekly session I learned so much about myself and the way I handled situations, all linking back to my childhood.

I really do think that some support like this would really help you. When I went it was in the midst of the last recession and I just paid what I could afford, which was not much. So please, if you do decide counselling might be for you, don't let the thought of cost put you off.

Thinking of you and wishing you the very best.x.

Minimum_Wage_2

how are things now?

suburbanwifey

tinatony1 wrote: »

thank you munkiemunkie81, it was as if i was reading everything that is going or has gone through my head

he has told me that he will be going at the end of the week, starting to move stuff out slowly during this week and i know that it has to happen but the pain is so hard to bear

i just cant take it in when he says he doesnt love me anymore, why not, i would do anything for him, still would if he said he had changed his mind and was wrong.

i would forgive him because i love him

You might think you would forgive him because you love him, but you wouldn't, not long term. Even if he now stayed, one day when the reality hit you you would look at him differently. Sex would be a chore not lovemaking and you would end up hating him. If he told you something, you would doubt it, he obviously lies so easily, how many other lies has he told you that you haven't found out about and how many more would he tell over the next few years?

I think it's practically impossible to stay loving someone who has abused you so totally. Love can sometimes be need in disguise. I wonder how the 'other woman' will view him after he moves in with her? she knows he's a cheat, he cheated on you with her, I wonder if she realises that he will one day do the same to her? He loved you once, he wanted to marry you and he spent 11 years with you - then he moved on, found another, whilst still with you. He'll do it to her, that should give you some comfort. Men like that rarely change. He sounds guiltless and spineless and I think the tramp who he has gone off with him deserves him.

I've just read your whole thread and it's so sad. You deserve so much better than him. Men like that don't respond to 'turning the other cheek' they just take the pish and do it all the more, if you let them. If you do take him back (which I hope you don't) one day I hope you wake up and look at him different and maybe then he will get a taste of his own medicine. What goes around comes around.

So many have said so many comments that you should try to listen to. Men like that are not worth the pain, they really aren't. So often they go off as the grass is always greener isn't it? not so. It's just different grass and one day that new grass will bore him, as will the woman who helped him trash your heart. If she's so great, how come she isn't happily married and having nothing to do with him? Most men wouldn't want a GF like her and most women wouldn't have that man given.

I feel for you, I really do. You've got to do what is right for you, but love yourself more than he does and don't let him hurt you any more, he's just not worth it