I just do not know what to do

tinatony1

just wanted to say thanks for all the encouraging posts and hugs

dont really feel up to saying any more at the moment.

xxxxxxxxx

Pollycat

Tina
you don't have to say anything - we're all thinking of you and will be around if/when you need us.

:grouphug:

Minimum_Wage_2

Hello Tina,
I have been following your thread with great interest, due to your feelings being very much like my own. From reading your thread i can see that you have picked yourself up alot from when you first started the thread although you might not see it or even think it. It is good that you have given him an him some time to think about what he is going to do but you must let him decide what he wants to do and not try tempting him with greener grass so to say. I really do feel for you and i know how it feels as i have been very much like you and trying to hold on to even the most smallest things in the hope its going to pull it all back. I haven't long split up from my one Love but even though i would have done anything for her, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

I know how much you want this and that you'll do anything to make things right but its not just one sided. This is way you have to hold yourself back and not give anything but just sort things out. You have heard of the saying "when you love something so much you must still set it free, if it returns then it returns because it wants to come back". I know how your feeling as im still going through alot of what your going through as in no appetite and when i do eat, it just goes straight through me. Be strong and stand your ground we are all with you and hoping that it is just a mid life crises.

tinatony1

i really dont think i can cope with all this anymore.

its too hard

i am so scared all the time

i cant face it, i cant stop crying, i cant eat anymore, i have lost nearly 2 stone, it seems like i have gone back half a dozens steps not forward.

everyone tells me its supposed to get easier, but its not its getting harder and harder

what can i do, i just want to turn the clock back so i never found out what he'd done, he's admitted that if i hadnt found out it would have fizzled out, but now it seems like ive given him the green light for him to go ahead.

Pollycat

OK, Tina - deep breaths.

Have you been to the doctor's yet?
A few of us suggested this earlier in the thread.
I know you said that your OH wouldn't like it, but sometimes you just need a little help to get through things.

Things aren't getting easier for you because (unless there's been a final decision by your OH re your ultimatum) things are still 'up in the air'.
You just don't know where you stand.
Things get easier when you have a clear view of your future - you don't have that right now.

he's admitted that if i hadnt found out it would have fizzled out, but now it seems like ive given him the green light for him to go ahead.

This is a very strange statement from your OH.
He seems to be saying that there's no future in this potential new relationship but he's considering leaving you anyway?
What green light?
He cheated, you found out, you want him to stay, he needs to decide which side of the fence he's going to stand on.
Being found out in an affair doesn't give anyone 'a green light' to go ahead - unless that's what they want.

maggied_2

Oh Tina, no wonder you feel so dreadful. I take it you're still waiting for a decision from your OH.

What's happening there at the moment? Is he still seeing her? I can't remember when you gave him the 2 weeks to make a decision - is that up yet?

I agree with Pollycat - you haven't given him a green light to do anything. If he decides to stay it needs to be on your terms and he needs to make damn sure he does everything in hs power to make you happy.

I hope you get a resolution soon - I would find it incredibly difficult to be put in this situation. Please take care of yourself - I can't eat when I'm upset either but losing 2 stone in such a short space of time is not great. Can you at least drink some milk or maybe soup just to keep your strength up?

Sending you big gentle hugs - we're all rooting for you.

C xxxx

tinatony1

i havent been to the doctors, some days im ok but this weekend has been the hardest ever, one day he will say one thing the next something that is the complete opposite, this morning he picked me up for work and was asking me how my weekend was so i told him it was fine but when i ask him he clams up saying i dont need to know.

so i said to him about meeting up on saturday to discuss the decision, as the 2 weeks will be up and he's like why do we need to meet up so i said to discuss what happens and he said there will be nothing to discuss ??????

then he starts to get annoyed, i suggested that he has already made up his mind and if he has he needs to tell me and he says he hasnt

then in the next breath he is asking me to come out to one of his pool nights tonight and on thursday.

this isnt me being stupid is it, these are definately mixed signals.

he just wont talk to me about anything, i wonder if he just doesnt want to admit that he has been such a pratt and thinks he cant back away from her now.

my heart is in so many pieces at the moment that i really dont know what to do

maggied_2

Tina, how would you feel about telling him you'er taking control of the situation and want a decision sooner. I don't see what's going to happen between now and Saturday that means you'll have a different answer. You've nearly a whole week of tearing yourself apart while he's giving out (I agree) very confusing signals.

I do think if he wanted to be with you so badly he would be on his knees by now - why isn't he? He must know what he's doing is hurting you.

Keep strong, and please have this on your terms - why should you sit around hurting so much while he messes you round like this? Right now you do not 'owe' him anything so tell him to make a decision either way so that you can move on with your life - whatever the outcome.

C xxx

tinatony1

oh how i wish i could be that strong,i know that this whole situation is tearing me apart but the thought of losing him completely seems a much worse fate.

on top of all of this his dad is still waiting to go into hospital for a life saving operation and we have agreed not to tell his paprents anything of this until he is on the mend.

i know this is harder on me but his parents do mean alot to me and i dont want to hurt them

and i suppose that i still think that the longer we leave it before telling people means that it wont be true.

yes this is complete denial and i hate myself for feeling it , because you are all right he should be begging me for forgiveness but he isnt and that hurts, more than i ever thought possible

Pollycat

tinatony1 wrote: »

i havent been to the doctors, some days im ok but this weekend has been the hardest ever, one day he will say one thing the next something that is the complete opposite, this morning he picked me up for work and was asking me how my weekend was so i told him it was fine but when i ask him he clams up saying i dont need to know.

so i said to him about meeting up on saturday to discuss the decision, as the 2 weeks will be up and he's like why do we need to meet up so i said to discuss what happens and he said there will be nothing to discuss ??????

then he starts to get annoyed, i suggested that he has already made up his mind and if he has he needs to tell me and he says he hasnt

then in the next breath he is asking me to come out to one of his pool nights tonight and on thursday.

this isnt me being stupid is it, these are definately mixed signals.

he just wont talk to me about anything, i wonder if he just doesnt want to admit that he has been such a pratt and thinks he cant back away from her now.

my heart is in so many pieces at the moment that i really dont know what to do

Tina
no,no.no - you aren't being stupid.
You are most definitely being given mixed signals. :mad:

The only thing that's hard to know is whether he's genuinely unsure of what he wants or if he's playing mind games to amuse himself - because he knows he can.

From what you're saying, (picking you up for work) he's spending time way from you - is he with her?

What do you think he meant when he said there will be nothing to discuss on Saturday?
It sounds a little to me like he KNOWS what he's going to do, he's going to stay with you but right now he's having his cake and eating it - and loving every minute of it.
I may be wrong on this so please don't get your hopes up based on that.

I tend to agree with Maggied about pushing him for a decision sooner rather than later - I just can't see how you can continue to live with this bloody awful indecision of his.

My heart really does go out to you.