I just do not know what to do

Pollycat

tinatony1 wrote: »

He has apologised, he keeps saying sorry all the time.

we have discussed when things started to go wrong and basically i think i can pinpoint it to when i stopped going out with him to his pool matches ( i was stacked at work and knackered) and when i started to try and sort the finance thing out on my own, i had really kept the seriousness of the situation from him thinking i could sort it on my own. (My big mistake)

I guess i was taking him for granted, we had got into a rut and i just didnt notice

Tina
I think you're at fault here, you're guilty - but only of being thoughtful and caring in trying to hide financial problems from your OH.

I hope (if things do work out for you, your OH eventually realises what a selfless thing you did, and why you did it.

From what I've read of the later posts on this thread, it seems that you didn't talk to each other - about what you both wanted, what you both felt and about problems that affected you both.

Maybe this has been a 'wake-up' call for you both and you'll never take each other for granted ever again.

Best wishes.

sarymclary

Hi Tina,

I was thinking about you this evening, and wondered how things were going? I hope things are OK with you.

tinatony1

hi all

thought id better post an update.

its been a strange few days

the CAB appointment went well, i know what i am doing now and have lots of letters to write to all my creditors expalining why i cant pay them what they want, so that will take me awhile.

Me and H have actually been getting on OK, i have been very rational and calm, a few arguments along the way as expected.

the upshot is i have given him 2 weeks to come to a decision, he is not going to be living here for 2 weeks so he can make up his mind what he wants to do.

i suggested this as i thought we needed some time apart to think things through and i have to admit i am calmer than i thought i would be .

however he is coming over tomorrow to take me to the supermarket (i dont drive and it is about 4 miles away with no direct bus route), i didnt ask him he offered.

In some ways it is actually rather scary that it is all so civilised at the moment

happy_winner

Hi Tina,
I am so sorry and feel for you and what you are going through. I have been there done that.. It is good you gave him two weeks, let him go, he will comeback. Mine came back after 3 months, but I didn't take him back, no regrets. My life turned so much better without of him.
In meantime try to get out of the house, surround yourself with friends you can talk it helps a lot. Just don't get stack in the house. Try to take care of yourself, look your best! With him be nice, kind, classy but still stand-up your grounds without insults and arguments. Be a lady! Let him go he will realize what he lost.
Being apart it will give you time to think if you really want him back. As you mentioned he was already married twice and cheated on his wives. Do you really want him back? For sure you deserve someone better.
Take care and be strong.

tinatony1

Actualy he was cheated on by his wife in one of the marriages

Thank you for your words, i will try and be everything that i was when we met so he can see what he is losing. I think he already is realising it to a large extent and when we have been out since this happened we have got on so well

anyhow we will see, one day at a time

larmy16

Tina well done - you really are a trooper. I hope this all works out for you. It is good to see the strength returning in you as I follow the posts you have made.

MyRubyRed

Hi Tina, just want to say I'm routing for you. I think you are handling the situation amazingly, and as larmy16 says, you can see your strength coming back and I suspect on that basis you're going to come out on top. Keep your dignity and hold your head up high babe. You are worth it!!
xxxxx

tinatony1

Thanks myrubyred.

I have to admit it is harder than i thought it would be, i have a nasty feeling that it is all going to backfire on me and bite me on the A***

the strength seems to be fluctuating, yesterday was a very long day.

i have this perpetual fear that it is all going to come out at his workplace and i am going to end up looking like a prize fool

Bogof_Babe

Tina, even if it does come out at his work, it won't be you who looks like a prize fool.

I worked for a guy who was "playing away" and eventually left his wife for his bimbo. The sympathy vote was most definitely with the innocent abandoned wife - we all thought he was a heel, and the mistress was "no better than she ought to have been" as the saying goes.

Pollycat

Tina
try not to worry about it all coming out at your OH's workplace.
If he and the 'other woman' decide to be together it WILL come out at some stage, but you will not under any circumstances look like a prize fool - because you're NOT a prize fool.
This is what I said in one of my replies to you on page 3 of this thread:

Pollycat wrote: »

Tina
That's why you'll be the one coming out of this mess with dignity - unlike the other 2 people involved.

Regards