I just do not know what to do

Pollycat

Well, Tina, if he's spending his nights home with you, that's a MASSIVE step forward for you. :T
One little possible 'fly-in-the-ointment' could be that as they work for the same company, they may be spending time together there. I really do hope they're not.

A simple question:
does he want to try again with you?

I do believe that by not being a doormat, not moping about the place and not crying all the time, you'll show him what he's considering/considered throwing away.

It's damn hard to do, but try to keep it up.

Bogof_Babe

I'm so pleased you have decided not to go with the knee-jerk reaction and throw away your marriage when it can and probably will be saved. You're playing a blinder at the moment, and I have a strong gut feeling that there will be a happy ending.

tinatony1

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I'm so pleased you have decided not to go with the knee-jerk reaction and throw away your marriage when it can and probably will be saved. You're playing a blinder at the moment, and I have a strong gut feeling that there will be a happy ending.

Thank you so much for your support, it really does mean alot, this has been the hardest couple of weeks of my life and i know its not going to get easy soon or quickly but i feel a little more positive.

we are not out of the woods yet i know

Karen_30

Just wanted to wish you all the best, you are showing signs of such strength and courage throughout all of this. I know it's tough but hang on in there and only you know if you've had enough.

I'm at a similar stage as you with my OH in that we are trying to work things through, see if we can save our relationship. Not the same cirumstance (in that noone else involved) but he ultimately was the one that felt that he wanted to leave a one point....it's tough but i'm a firm believer that it takes two to make and it and if you both put in some effort, who knows what will happen.

I've looked back upon our relationship and seen where there were flaws on both parts and am now taking steps to understand, remember them etc and learn from it...it's tough going and i've had to admit some of my own faults too through out this and accept that I contrubuted to us breaking up....something I am kicking myself for now as only realised things once we split up.....:mad:

Anyway, sorry lost my way there. Really just wanted to wish you lots of luck and look forward to your updates and hopefully all positive as time goes by

Best of luck to youxxxx

tinatony1

Thanks Karen_30, i have had a read of your thread and thank you for your support, we are not at the stage you are yet, you seem to be doing really well, no where near that yet but i am hoping for a positive outcome.

it really is the most difficult thing to try and come to terms with, especially when you personally think everything is fine in the first place

complacency is dangerous thing

Karen_30

tinatony1 wrote: »

Thanks Karen_30, i have had a read of your thread and thank you for your support, we are not at the stage you are yet, you seem to be doing really well, no where near that yet but i am hoping for a positive outcome.

it really is the most difficult thing to try and come to terms with, especially when you personally think everything is fine in the first place

complacency is dangerous thing

Tell me about it, it wasn't until splitting up and looking back that I realise things weren't great and I could kick myself for not taking notice when he gave me signals that he was feeling upset etc :mad: But, can't look back now have to move forwards but obviously remember what has happened to continue to give me the kick up backside now and again to not get to complacent.....it is DEF a dangerous thing!

We've still a long way to go, it's like a roller coaster of emotions, up and down....but you don't know if you don't try....we could have both walked away and not bothered with what we are doing now but we couldn't and if there is something worth fighting and saving then it'll happen.....

Have subscribed to your thread so will pop back and see how you are doing,

take good care of yourself

Karen xxx

tinatony1

Same here, you take care xx
tina

consultant31

tinatony1 wrote: »

He has apologised, he keeps saying sorry all the time.

we have discussed when things started to go wrong and basically i think i can pinpoint it to when i stopped going out with him to his pool matches ( i was stacked at work and knackered) and when i started to try and sort the finance thing out on my own, i had really kept the seriousness of the situation from him thinking i could sort it on my own. (My big mistake)

I guess i was taking him for granted, we had got into a rut and i just didnt notice

Oh well, there you go then - it's all your fault :rolleyes:

This sounds like just the sort of thing a battered wife would say!!

There is no excuse for cheating on your wife, none! If he were indeed a decent man as you say, he would have had the decency (and guts) to tell you 6 months ago that it wasn't working for him any more, and he wanted to be free to play the field for a while and see if he found somebody he prefered!

I'm sorry, this is very harsh and I expect you will feel all defensive, but look at it from another point of view. If this were happening to your friend, would you tell her to hang on till he's finished with the other woman, because he just might decide come back to her (unless he found another yet one he fancied).

As I said before, this just happened to my DD and I saw first hand the destruction it caused, but that will last far longer if you lie there like a doormat for him to walk over as long as he likes.

And please get checked out for STIs with you local GP or clinic :eek:

Bogof_Babe

consultant31 wrote: »

Oh well, there you go then - it's all your fault :rolleyes:

This sounds like just the sort of thing a battered wife would say!! She's "only" emotionally battered, which is why we are suggesting she gives him another chance. If he were a wife beater it would be different.

There is no excuse for cheating on your wife, none! But they can't turn the clock back. If he were indeed a decent man as you say, he would have had the decency (and guts) to tell you 6 months ago that it wasn't working for him any more, and he wanted to be free to play the field for a while and see if he found somebody he prefered! I still think there was nothing wrong with the marriage - he'd just had his head turned by this other woman, and it made him think he wasn't happy because his c0ck was controlling his mind.

I'm sorry, this is very harsh and I expect you will feel all defensive, but look at it from another point of view. If this were happening to your friend, would you tell her to hang on till he's finished with the other woman, because he just might decide come back to her (unless he found another yet one he fancied). I can't speak for Tina, but actually I would tell a friend to be absolutely 100% certain she couldn't forgive him, because once she throws her marriage away that is (usually) final. Anyway I get the impression her husband is not seeing the other woman at the moment - if he is it must only be at work.

As I said before, this just happened to my DD and I saw first hand the destruction it caused, but that will last far longer if you lie there like a doormat for him to walk over as long as he likes. Tina is in the driving seat at the moment, not being a doormat. They are attempting to reconcile what has happened. I admire her for having the guts to admit she wants to try and forgive him. Yes if he was still blatantly making plans with this woman I would advise her differently, but I think from what we've read here that he regrets his mistake.

And please get checked out for STIs with you local GP or clinic :eek:

Have to write something here as it says my message is too short!

tandraig

I realise you think my earlier posts were harsh tinatony - but i agree that if you think your marraige is worth saving then you should fight for it! but you cant do that by being a doormat! act strong hun! dont let him see or hear you cry from now on. yes you made mistakes - but yours on a scale of one to ten were about a four or five HIS was a ten! i do hope your not still sharing a bed - even if you have to sleep on the sofa! and that he is not still seeing this woman! as for the money his parents give you - hopefully you will be able to do without it (for gods sake dont include it in incomings!)
PLEASE dont beg him to stay - it will give him a hold over you for ever and that will sour things more than the affair!
i really only wish the best for you - and hope you get what you really desire hun.