I think I may have been too nosey for my own good - where do I go from here?

flower24

I would have flipped out if I found those sorts of emails. Think you're being treated as a doormat tbh

quietheart

I find this quite shocking. I'm confused by your response. You seem surprisingly calm. Is this down to low self esteem or do you have very low expectations of your husband?
When this happened previously you found it more worrying as the woman was unhappy in her relationship, like it's less worrying if it's less likely to become an affair. His behaviour is totally unacceptable and shows how self obsessed and thoughtless he is. Do you love him? I just wondered if that's why you haven't gone bananas.
He has betrayed you, it might not be physical but he's betrayed you.
He doesn't deserve you, you deserve a whole lot better.

notlongnow_2

I think personally I would like to keep on spying. BUT this will only give their 'relationship' chance to grow.

I would make copies of the emails so there was no denying it.

If you tell him you know then it is very easy to set up another email that you dont know about, but if you dont say anything it will get worse.

I am nearly 100% sure this will move to more serious things......hiding his phone beause they are texting, telling you he is going out with the lads/meeting/shopping/walking the dog, anything so that they can get a quck meeting together.

60 miles is no distance at all if they want to meet up.

You need to decide what you want out of this relaationship. How do you really feel? are you A)...hysterically furious ? (Each message he sends to her is a real step closer to her.) or ... If it just annoys you that he is doing this then I truly think it is time to call it a day.

Personally if it is option A, I would comfront him...id have too, I couldnt keep waiting around for the next installment of my bloke chatting someone else up.

Option B?? Id gather my evidence, get my affairs in order so he cant take anything from you..personal property/money etc. Id find out where she lived and her partners number and I would confront him and tell him to get the f*** out of my life. I would listen to some crappy explanation and then Id tell her partner. NOT out of spite, but why should he be unaware of what his missus gets up too. Even though you say its your fella chasing her, she is not telling him to back off. yes it will cause problems but you are not in the wrong here..they are.

I know someone who was contacted by a man to say her hubby was having it off with his wife. 5years on the two adulterers are living a miserable life and the cheated-on partners got married and are living happily ever after.

Good luck.

vixarooni

I dont think a bit of harmless face to face flirting is anything to be worried about, we are all human and as long as you know thats all it is its all good, however, flirty emails seem so different and not right. As soon as i found these emails i would have had it out with my partner as soon as i saw him again, especially if he has done it in the past! I don't know how you can go on holiday with this hanging over you, and i don't know how you can be so calm because this is obviously a reflection of the status of your marriage right now.

Communication is always key, tell them both you know and sort it out before you and she goes away and discuss the problems in your marriage.

mountainofdebt

This sitaution is an interesting one for me as I work with someone who, I don't flirt with but have a general banter with, which could be misunderstood by anyone who listens in on our conversations.

But perhaps the banter is there because both he and I know that that is all it is and there is no way on this planet - for either of us - would it ever be anything more than that.

robbiecaratiger

I'd be gutted if my wife was doing this. And if I was doing it, she'd tie my nuts in a sling !

mrcow

mountainofdebt wrote: »

This sitaution is an interesting one for me as I work with someone who, I don't flirt with but have a general banter with, which could be misunderstood by anyone who listens in on our conversations.

But perhaps the banter is there because both he and I know that that is all it is and there is no way on this planet - for either of us - would it ever be anything more than that.

That all depends on whether the banter is intimate or not. Give us an example of what you're talking about here.

Would you print it all off and happily show your husband/wife? And would they be fine with it? If not, then it's not acceptable and you know that.

pinkshoes

Step 1: Just emails

Step 2: Flirty emails

Step 3: Flirty emails but discussions that it will not go any further, they love their partner blah blah blah.

Step 4: Affair.


He's already on step 3... I would just mention to him that when you were looking for the email you sent him the other day, you came across some emails between him and other woman, and would he care to explain the content?

I would then say that if it's all right by him, you would prefer to answer the latest email, and ask her if she would mind not flirting with your husband. I could also CC her husband on as well (and also your email address).

SugarSpun

OP - your calmness is rather surprising.

I'm an incorrigible flirt. I can't help myself. My husband is likewise incredibly flirtatious, and we're comfortable when the other goes out alone with friends because we operate on a policy of total honesty. Neither one of us has anything to hide, and if there was any hiding of anything on the scale you're talking about there'd be hell to pay. It's a betrayal of trust and completely appalling.

Are you indifferent because you're emotionally detached? If so it might be time to think about moving on. It's easy for me to say, but I'm not in your situation so all I'd advise is that you think hard about what happens next. Either way, this is probably a good time to get your affairs in order (so to speak...) and make sure your money/property is safe.

DeeDee74

:eek: your so calm op..

me i couldn't sit there and say nothing, when i knew thay'd both know about it...
why are u worried about confronting them???

affairs dont start from nowhere, what thay are doing is testing the water to see what the other person thinks. sending flirty messages, email's, txts thats how things start.

just because u can forgive someone once does that mean thats a green light to go ahead and do what thay wont?
i may forgive me oh if he cheated once but twice no a chance he'd be gone.
dee x