I think I may have been too nosey for my own good - where do I go from here?

maggied_2

Bold-girl - you seem surprisingly calm about this. From what you're saying (and I appreciate we don't have the full picture about all the contents here) this isn't at all innocent.
He must know what he's doing is wrong because he's already apologising!!! So he *is* pursuing her. I don't think it matters what she is doing or what she wears - I think the snide comments about her appearance are a little misplaced. Your boyfriend is the one in the wrong here.

You think it'll calm down? Sorry to say it but from the impression I get here if she gives him the green light he'll be there (I want to say something about rats and drainpipes....).

Make a copy of the emails and then confront him - if my OH behaved like this you wouldn't see me for dust - or his stuff would be binbagged and dumped at his mother's.

Don't let yourself be treated like a mug - your bloke's actions sound sleazy, underhanded and deceitful. Your option is "not to wait and see" - wait and see what? How much of a sh*t he really is?

Sorry to be harsh - good luck, I hope you get it sorted either way.

mrcow

aliasojo wrote: »

Having a bad day mrcow?

lol - I just can't beilive how many cheating slimeballs are coming out of the woodwork this week.

It's like a disease..........I hope it's not catching!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd forward one of their particularly nice chats from his email, to a new hotmail account, then email it back to her, with a comment that email security isn't what it could be, as they can be easily forwarded to other parties.

iamana1ias

I can't believe how uptight you lot are! OP this wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Summer-Caitlin

I am in agreement with everyone that says he needs to be confronted.

Bold-girl why do you think this will just blow over and for that matter why would you want to let it?

mrcow

iamana1ias wrote: »

I can't believe how uptight you lot are! OP this wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

It's not so much to do with being uptight.

More to do with having some self respect and expecting your partner to have some for you as well and not expecting them to treat you like some cheap walkover whose feelings don't matter.

RoxieW

I'm in the 'I would go absolutely mental' camp. I'd be absolutely devastated if this happened to me and would find it very difficult to trust my OH again - it would make it very difficult to continue a relationship. I think you are being very calm OP - perhaps too calm. This is not your fault - it is cheating - and you quite frankly deserve better. You should be able to see that.

gwhizz75

iamana1ias wrote: »

I can't believe how uptight you lot are! OP this wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

As you are in the very small minority with this opinion, I'm pretty sure that we aren't all totally uptight. I think the general consensus is that the OP's husband has done something very wrong, something which shows very little respect for her and her feelings. If it wouldn't bother you in the slightest that your OH was having dirty conversations with a woman you knew online then I think that makes you and your relationship quite unique.

londoner1998

McKneff wrote: »

I would be having a hissy fit it my OH was having sexy flirts with another woman.

Tell him you dont like this and tell her too.

I dont know how you can even speak to her.

She says she doesnt want to spoil what she's got but she's not bothered about spoiling what you've got and by the sound of your post, its already started.

Reply to one of her emails to him. Just tell her that you have access to your OHs eamails and you dont like what is happening. Then see what she says.
I bet is stops there and then. Cheeky Cow.

I would punch him in the face first and then punch her too, so that they get the message that I don't appreciate all the sexy talk... but that's just me and I am known to have been wild... :mad:
I would probably what McKneff suggest above, and see how she reacts. I think it might be harmless, but it is completly inappropriate, as herself and your OH are in stable relationships (monoganous, I assume). I actually took that step myself to someone who kept firing stupid emails in Farcebook (apparently automatic), a schoolfriend, and quite a childish one at that- I emailed her privately and made it clear that I didn't appreciate those kind of messages to my OH, automatic or not and that she should calibrate her filters, because my man is mine and it was hugely inappropriate (I knew he never replied or engaged in anything else other than chatting about how silly they all looked in the school photos). She replied and said the automatic bit, etc... but that cleared the air and she must have looked at her FB filters, becasue she has never sent any other messages . Of course I told him what I was about to do, I was furious (and premenstrual)- as he had no investment in that kind of thing, he didn't mind.
I thought afterwards may be I had jumped the gun, but I felt better for doing what I thought I should be doing. Having said that, if I were in your situation, I would have been ballistic and probaly confronted her by email...I don't know, I think it is up to you, but it would be a pity if you relationship got damaged because of some silly game. If she is in a stable relationship, she shouldn't be doing these things...

londoner1998

Bold-girl wrote: »

Just checked them again - I said it was getting addictive - and he's now saying he's getting pushy and he's apologising to her for being like this. Although she's getting the emails and replying to them, reading between the lines, I think it's more him than her to be honest.

I think he's had a fantasy about her for a while. Even though she's a lovely lady and all that, she does seem to be a bit 'forward' to my mind in her talk - much more than I ever am - and she wears clothes to work which are, to me, not work clothes - strappy tops etc. Being a buxom woman, there is more to see than not to see (IYKWIM) so I can see why he's thinking she could be one to flirt with (and it seems I'm right on that score). BTW we don't work with each other, but she was a temp at one time about 3 years ago, and they've kept in touch all that time, but have only recently (as far as I can see) have they had these flirtatious chats.

As he's now apologising for being pushy, perhaps it's going to cool down, especially through the holidays, so it may not raise it's ugly head again when we're all back to normal.

Even though I hate to say it, I will still be checking out the emails till she's on holiday - end of this week, to see what they are saying and whether or not they are saying they're going to miss each other. If they say that, then chances are it will start again next month - I can only wait and see.

I think you need to ask him about these emails, as they said earlier in a quiet, non-accusatory way, and see how he reacts. To me trust and honesty is what holds a marriage together and I think is fair you get to hear what he has to say. Whatever that is. Good luck