I think I may have been too nosey for my own good - where do I go from here?

piratefairy

I think what's done is done on the email front, you have seen it now, however it came about, and it's now up to you to talk to him about it. He's far more wrong by doing this, which he knows will hurt you if you found out, than you are by looking at a shared access email inbox.
It's upsetting you, talk to him about it. He may see it as a bit of harmless flirting, and be more than happy to stop when he realises how much it affects you.

I had a similar situation with my ex, he was receiving emails and texts on a vehry frequent basis from a woman who was married, along the lines of "are you sure you want to meet me" " i shouldn't be thinking this way as i'm married", "i don't make a habit of this kind of thing" etc etc. I asked him what she was talking about, having stumbled across them by accident, and he said he had no odea what she was talking about! Whilst I wasn't convinced, if he didn't know, then she had obviously got the wrong idea, so I emailed her a polite note, just to let her know that he was in a relationship with me, and I, as his gf was not happy with the way she was talking to him, and that I was sure her husband would feel the same way. She called him up straight away, and he sided with her, asking me how I could do such a thing by emailing her etc etc, proving that he obviously wasn't quite telling the truth when he said he had no idea what she was talking about. Hence why he is now my ex.

dogcat_2

Mmmmm....If he knows that you can access his e-mails...(no privacy- each knows each others passwords)...then what the hell is he playing at....It's like he wants you to find out...? Have you thought of that.

MrsE_2

Bold-girl wrote: »

What to do, what to do

You are a saint.

I would take his balls in a nutcracker or cheesegrater,

cannyscot_2

sorry I agree with sarymclary -bite the bullet -it could get worse. Your instincts are telling you its wrong so tackle it.

RadoJo

I have to say, I'm a bit surprised at the number of posts which seem to be blaming this woman - your OH is presumably not an imbecile, so if he's been engaging in this flirty talk then your concern is him not her. I also wouldn't advise contacting her as it is your OH who you need to talk to about this and e-mailing her might get her to stop, but there's no point to that unless your OH wants to as well.

I don't think I would be able to keep schtum, but I would see if you can bring it up in a non-accusatory way. You could even start with 'What was X e-mailing you about' to give him an opportunity to confess and explain (if there could be a reasonable explanation) before you accuse him of anything. I can understand that it's difficult to rock the boat if he's acting normally, but if you aren't going to be able to let it go then it's not worth putting yourself through just to avoid accusations of snooping.

Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

Bold-girl

Just checked them again - I said it was getting addictive - and he's now saying he's getting pushy and he's apologising to her for being like this. Although she's getting the emails and replying to them, reading between the lines, I think it's more him than her to be honest.

I think he's had a fantasy about her for a while. Even though she's a lovely lady and all that, she does seem to be a bit 'forward' to my mind in her talk - much more than I ever am - and she wears clothes to work which are, to me, not work clothes - strappy tops etc. Being a buxom woman, there is more to see than not to see (IYKWIM) so I can see why he's thinking she could be one to flirt with (and it seems I'm right on that score). BTW we don't work with each other, but she was a temp at one time about 3 years ago, and they've kept in touch all that time, but have only recently (as far as I can see) have they had these flirtatious chats.

As he's now apologising for being pushy, perhaps it's going to cool down, especially through the holidays, so it may not raise it's ugly head again when we're all back to normal.

Even though I hate to say it, I will still be checking out the emails till she's on holiday - end of this week, to see what they are saying and whether or not they are saying they're going to miss each other. If they say that, then chances are it will start again next month - I can only wait and see.

mummy_Jay

Ok, first i think you need to treat yourself to a really sexy bikini and a sexy little evening number for your holiday, whilst your on holiday make a point of smiling at cute guys, see if it bothers him. He may just be feeling like the sparks gone out of your relationship.

After your holiday speak to him about these flirty email.

If I were you I would also (as she is someone you know) invite myself over to hers just before the holiday, print out one of the emails and take it with me, just put it on the table whilst we're chatting and ask her if she has anything she needs to say to me.

mrcow

He's cheating on you. Maybe not physically - but it's just as bad as.

Print the emails off plus a spare copy before you do anything.
Keep them somewhere he won't find them.

Then confront him.

The following will happen:

1. First he'll deny it
2. Then he'll say it's just innocent
3. Then he'll try delete all the evidence (which is why you need a copy)
4. He'll probably go off in a huff at some point
5. Then eventually he'll take the stance that it's all your fault as he's so unhappy.

All very sadly textbook reactions to being found out as a lying cheating slob which he most certainly is.

Then take the spare copy of the emails that you have and give them to her OH and tell him what's been going on.

I think this man sounds revolting - with a bit of luck you have the courage of mind and confidence of spirit to ditch him sooner rather than later (because if you think that this will be an isolated incident then sorry, you are very much mistaken).

aliasojo

Having a bad day mrcow?

OP I dont see that it's heathy for your relationship to avoid talking about this. I think you need to bring things out into the open (including your snooping part I'm afraid). Things left unsolved will fester, you really need to resolve this for your own peace of mind if nothing else.

Alias_Omega

I would open one of the emails, maybe one of the recent ones.

Reply to the emails, and put her in as the CC.

He will get the email from himself to himself, and she will get a copy of the email.

Just put something like.. 'Ive read all the emails, i think we need a chat, (your name).

and watch how things unwrap..

If she is round before him, then i would think there is something going on.