I think I may have been too nosey for my own good - where do I go from here?

*moggins*

I hate to say it but this was exactly how my marriage ended as I didn't find out until way too late when the friendly, then flirty, then loving emails and msn messages had actually progressed to a physical relationship and he believed himself to be much more in love with this other person than he had ever been with me.

Put a stop to it now before it progresses to something that can't be stopped or stepped back from.

Dancing_Shoes

OMG:eek:

If it was my husband and I had found these emails (regardless of whether I had "invaded" his privacy) I would be having it out with him and demanding to know what was going on!!
To me it is as good as cheating as the intention is there:mad:, there is no excuse for this behaviour and my husband knows if he ever stepped out of line he would have his bags packed and waiting in the road for him. Yes I know its easy to sit on the outside and say this but I have been there with this sort of this before, do you know why they kept in contact???
Did anything happen previously and she is now reluctant to go there again as she is in a stable relationship (sorry if that makes you feel worse op)

Please don't leave it without saying anything as it will eat away at you and without trust there is no relationship

cbrown372

Forgive me for asking OP but how did you deal with it the last time it happened as per your previous posts?

Bold-girl

I would like to thank you all for your concerns. I am planning to take a copy of the emails and put them on my memory stick so that I have any 'proof' if he's in denial.

To be honest, I've been in a similar place with him before and I stopped it immediately. Then it was flirty talk face to face and when I confronted him, he knew he was wrong and it ended there and then. That OW was not in a happy relationship so it was more worrying. Slightly different this time, as lady is not nearby (60 miles away), is in a happy relationship (so she says) and emails seem to be more his doing, although she's not stopping him saying these things and may even be inviting him to continue. This may be why I appear to be calm. I must be like a swan, graceful on top, but paddling like mad under the water!

I think I want him to come a cropper in a way that hurts him - perhaps by someone else telling him to back off, instead of me, so that he knows that he's what he's doing is becoming more knowledgeable to others. If I tell him, he can say all he wants to me knowing that I wouldn't tell anyone else. I don't know her OH so cannot go down that route, so am planning on some sort of revenge - is it better hot or cold - but biding my time till I know for sure it's continuing and I'll have time to think of what to do.

I'm getting more devious about what I really would like to do because it's not in my nature to do so, but I feel I'm being pulled in that direction because of him.

I'll keep on with the 'spying' for the moment, but as one person says, I may just chat up the cute guys on holiday (if I dare!!) if only to see if he actually notices me doing anything different! Wouldn't be any good in a sexy bikini if you saw my figure LOL

myothercarisaferrari

why are you giving a chance to do it a second time?

Ditch him

I seriously do not understand why women stay with men who pay other women attention. Seriously, why?? its not a dig at you I just cannot comprehend it?

McKneff

I'll keep on with the 'spying' for the moment, but as one person says, I may just chat up the cute guys on holiday (if I dare!!) if only to see if he actually notices me doing anything different! Wouldn't be any good in a sexy bikini if you saw my figure LOL


Two wrongs dont make a right - why would you even think of doing this, its childish to say the least.

Like I say, reply to one of her emails, saying you can access them and you find the contects of them innaproptiate, and how would she like it if you sent emails to her husband with the same content. I bet she never sends another one.

Get some balls and stop sneaking around. Youre allowing him to walk all over you.

sarahs999

OP, you sound to me like you have very low self esteem, which doesn't surprise me given that you have a serial flirter on your hands.

You need to act, not stay passive. What are you waiting for? For the hurting to get even worse? FOr him to take it to a physical affair so you can really punish yourself? Please step up and deal with it full on. IT is the only way you can regain your relationship - if he thinks he's got away with it he'll keep doing it. Do you really think that just because they are on holiday they won't ever have these flirty emails again? This is why I disagree that sending her an email is any kind of answer. If they're determined they'll just get web accounts and make sure you don't know the password.

To be very honest, if he does this, and has done it before, then there is something wrong in your relationship that needs tackling. Get him to go to Relate so you can explore how this has made you feel, because it sounds to me very much like you're in denial about what this sort of thing means in an adult relationship.

Sarahlou_2

I'm going to take a deep breath, and at the risk of being jumped on, tell you my story......this time last year I struck up a friendship with a guy at work - he was in an office 200 miles away. I'm married, he was engaged.

Emails soon turned into texts, texts soon got flirty. He arranged to come up to meet me for a drink and it turned into an affair. We became more and more deceitful as it went on.

I'm totally ashamed of myself - but I've rebuilt my marriage and we've overcome many problems.
What I'm saying is it can quickly move from emails to something much more.

Please nip this in the bud now.

Dancing_Shoes

I too cannot see why you would give this man another minute of your life
Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't love you wholly, I would never cheat on my husband because I love him with all my heart but if I didn't love him anymore I wouldn't have an affair I would leave. If my husband was emailing someone like this it would tell me that my marriage was over. This man is walking all over you, you deserve better than the way he is treating you! Kick him to the kerb and start to re-build your self esteem:T
Also if you know her husband I would let him know the emails that have been exchanged aswell, not in a revenge fashion but because he also deserves to know.....god I hate cheaters!!

Cat_Addict

I have a bad feeling about this from personal experience.

My ex-husband was doing this and I confronted him, admitted I'd seen his emails but I'd had cause to look. I emailed the woman and told her to pack it in or I would tell her husband. I forgave my then husband and told him it was a wake up call.

His response to this was to find another TWO women on line to do this with, the second of which he is now married to with two children. He was engaged to her long before I had chance to divorce him for adultery. In short, he was looking for something else and he found it. So your scenario strikes huge chords with me and I admire your composure because I was a shaking wreck at the time. It makes you feel sick to read them doesn't it?