What would you do? inheritance decision to make with limited choices.

BitterAndTwisted

I think in the OP's position what you suggest is the perfect answer as long as the children can't get control of the house while the OP is still living. What a lucky position to be in! How many of us would love to have such a choice.

Oldernotwiser

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

And don't believe that a house can be owned and the council property can be retained as well; it can't, so it's one or the other, not both.

There's no reason why someone living in a council house can't own an investment property.

You may be thinking of the situation where someone is receiving housing benefits, where another property would be considered as capital and affect benefits. If the tenant is paying his/her own rent (as many do) then they can have as many investments as they like.

angel_delight

Thank you everyone for replying including the not so nice posts. Still I take it all on board and appreciate all advice. Some of you have summed up my feelings pretty well. Most of my life I felt like I haven't fitted into my family like some kind of black sheep, I didn't conform to how she wanted me to be or shared her aspirations/ambition surged on by not just being left a single parent but her own childhood in immense poverty. (that's not to say I didn't admire/understand it though). I just wanted to be me, lead my life the way I wanted- if that included making mistakes/bad choices along the way in her eyes- so be it. To a lot of you I probably come across as a typical chavvy council estate person with no ambition for myself or my kids, jealousy of others better off and relying on state benefits if needs be and yes I can't blame you, reading it back I don't paint a very good picture of myself. I'm sure even if I tried to justify my thoughts/reasons it wouldn't make much difference.

Believe me I have been on state benefits for a short time while I was left a single parent struggling with all that debt too and do not want to ever go back there if I can help it. I'm sure some people on benefits have it rolling in but I barely survived. Of course I don't want to forever be stuck in the menial job i'm doing- before the youngest came along I took and passed several computer qualifications in the hope it would be beneficiary in the future. Having her delayed things somewhat but she was worth it giving me a new found hope after years of serious depression building up previously. It was always my intention once she was at school to get a better job somehow- one reason which is why I agreed to taking driving lessons. The main other reason being that for the majority of my life I have grown tired of staying in rocky relationships just to remain more finacially secure and finally realised one day that it's not healthy, i've got to have some form of back up plan especially if the worst was to happen again. I still worry about being able to manage the costs of the car though on the current wages I earn. As from a few months back I took over paying the driving lessons which I can just about afford (after all other expense's) now the debt is cleared.

Which brings me on to the house my mum has offered. Sure there would be no mortgage or rent to pay which the o.h (were not married btw) currently pays for our council house but would that motivate him enough to save most of that up anyway for home items/major repairs/a family holiday prehaps?- would it heck. He'd save it all right spending it on what he wishes because it would still be his wages (heard it all before from him.) My mum is aware of what he is like too.If this house needed urgent work in the future for whatever reason i'd be lucky for a small contribution from him. He'd make out he was skint or this bill or that needed paying nevermind the fact I pay my fair share too along with the other stuff previously mentioned. Regardless of if I was in a better payed job or not come a year or so's time I can't trust him in that sense. Would you after 7-8 yrs of that kind of selfish behaviour even if he stated otherwise? Still in amongst his bad qualities he has good ones (bit like all of us) and I do love him even though it's a testing relationship.

So yes right now as it stands I am scared of yet more finacial burden on my shoulders on top of the car expense. Part of all is i'm too frightened of major risks/changes. At the moment I am just about living comfortably, I don't want to live beyond my means at this moment in time not knowing what the future will hold?
I am one of those that can only cope with so much and along with other contionous problems I feel like I am going into some sort of melt down.
I know it doesn't sound very respectable saying i'd prefer to live in a council home because I haven't got to worry about financing major repairs. Because of how selfish my partner is, the fact that my hours at work have been reduced as it is this year because of the recession, not to mention the relief over finally clearing the debt- i'm sorry but I can't help but feel the way I do. The o.h's job only lasts ten out of twelve months a year and rarely does he budget carefully for that which leads to quite a back log of gas/elec to pay back. If I won the lottery that's different, there would be no money worries then and of course I wouldn't want to remain in a council property. Regardless of home repairs anyway i've no idea how it works if say for arguements sake you owned your own home and you lost your job/relationship broke up. Call me naive but could people still get temporary help in regards to their council tax until they were back on their feet? I dread to think how I could afford it in bad circumstances if there wasn't especially as I bet being non council it would be higher than the first council tax band.

Yes the problem would be solved if I took this house on and my o.h then payed what would of been the council home rent to my mum instead to put aside for all the various bits people have mentioned. But he wouldn't. Purely because he has this look on life where he hates personally being in debt to any person or having to rely on them finacially and his stubborness would stop him from agreeing to this especially more so as it's my mum. They don't think a lot of eachother although are just about polite to one another. Besides in his eyes it would have to be some "special house" to make him want to move even if it were rent free. I have mentioned in the past about possibly doing a council swop before you see in the hope of a four bed rm one or just simply moving in another nearby niceish area. But he's shunned them. Reckons as it is we have the perfect location on the front of the estate away from all the riff raff, he even seems quite arrogantly pleased with himself that our property has bigger gardens & room/window sizes than over half the modern private properties that get built these days never mind other council ones for the rent he pays (approx £90 wkly).　

I certainly wouldn't let him get the hands on any inheritance if given in cash form. Why would I when he is so selfish with his own money? My mum would have nothing to worry about there. I would never fritter it away. The majority of it would be banked/put in my own will or accounts for my kids after doing up the house and a holiday for all of us. As far as privately educating the kids and university- yes I suppose I have a blinkered attitude to that from hearing all sorts of negative stuff in the past. Even still of course I want my children to do well in life, I have sat up all hours before discussing with my eldest two about options/careers they might like/helping out with homework/GCSE coursework. Highlighting the fact of how beneficial college is or alertanitives of training in a job and getting NVQ'S that way like i've done in mine. They don't need me to tell them that uni doesn't guarantee someone a successfull career- they've come across plenty like that- so I won't rose tint that although they know that option is always there. There is nothing stopping them from approaching their nan in a few years time and asking if they could have so much of their trust fund account for that reason.

They are also repeatedly told not to repeat my mistakes- to get a good job/car/home/holidays before settling down and having kids too early on in life. I've also said I won't tolerate them not working or actively seeking work while living at home if college is not for them/after it. I can't abide real social scroungey types myself and am definitley not in the same category as them- I even went back to work after six months of maternity leave. With my youngest and the nearest private school being so far away if it turned out that for whatever reason she was struggling in a state school or would benefit more from the above I can't see why that money could not then be used for extra home tutoring instead which would hopefuly reach the same end result? If she decides to go to uni she already has her stake holder child trust fund which I have contributed to monthly since she was three months. Fingers crossed this will do well.

Lastly can I just say i'm not jealous/resentful of people wanting to make a great life for themselves whether it be your career, own home, flash car, luxury hols, having your kids in private school and so on.because of my failings in life. Nor do I find them wanting that snobby, it's the attitudes of some of these people towards others who haven't -who maybe aren't so ambitious, materialistic, are in council homes or don't want to conform to keep up with the Joneses that I find snobbish. My o.h would be more blunt and say well half these types end up having to work overtime for these lifestyles and never hardly see eachother/the kids or are in debt on plastic up to their eyeballs. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong- all I know is I look back at mine & my teenagers childhood and sometimes think to myself how much I craved my mum to be around more or the kids not always asking why is Nan always busy/away? If that meant forfeiting half the holidays i've had or less finacial help over the years then so be it. Sure she's around a lot more now (when not on holidays) as we do driving lessons together and she comes over to see the kids of course but I can't get lost time back. Just sometimes money in all it's forms is not everything and does not bring guaranteed happiness and security or more important compensate for other areas in life. And before anyone reinstates oh that's why she's got a "chip on her shoulder" or decling the house offer to what was it? "spite my mum, my two teens and the o.h in one swoop" then you couldn't be more wrong. As much as the pressure mum has applied on me over the years, the o.h been a selfish **** and the kids the way they are I would never be that petty. It obviously comes across that way to some of you but this is genuine concern of not being able to finacially cope long term.

As for the council house- it's always been my intention to downsize once the eldest two left home anyway to give other families a chance of a bigger place and then rent a small appartment once the youngest has left. There are numerous two/three bed room properties near by me which only have one elderly person living it them and whereas I can quite understand them not wanting to move from their home I do see it as more of a waste than my situation.
I'll stop now anyway before I come across a less greatful/more of a scrounger than ever,lol. Thanks again.

P.S- In regards to someone mentioning about "bye bye inheritance" if a new man came into my mums life. My mum has had a man in her life for the past twenty years- I had left home by then, my sister at college. She has no intention of marrying again though after what my dad did to her but regardless of that their homes they jointly own together in the uk and abroad would be enough profit to live off for him if well....plus he has his own money.
Mine and my sisters inheritance is primarily from the proceeds of her having sold her business I think which knowing my mum she would of put clauses on to ensure it remains just to us- well if I accept one of her conditions.　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

Zazen999

So, that's a 'NO' then?

I can see you are a 'detail' person rather than a 'bigger picture' person. Perhaps you need to stand back a bit before you make your final choice, and do the 'telling' of your OH rather than just catching what he throws.

ailuro2

OK - here's another option for you.

Leave your partner and go live in the house your Mum can buy for you. Ask your MUm for a bit extra to cover maintenance costs till you've saved up enough to do it for yourself.

Ask her to pay to train you once your DD is of school age.

Find yourself instead of being in bad relationships with men who are plonkers.....


If I was your MUm I'd be hoping this is what you'd say, but wouldn't suggest it as I'd know this would make you more determined to stay with the unsuitable man .

Zazen999

Totally agree Alluro2.....

angel_delight

Zazen999 wrote: »

So, that's a 'NO' then?

I can see you are a 'detail' person rather than a 'bigger picture' person. Perhaps you need to stand back a bit before you make your final choice, and do the 'telling' of your OH rather than just catching what he throws.

It's not that I can't see the bigger picture or the good in all this, I just can't seem to shrug off endless worries/insecurities. I have this bad habit of I suppose being pesemistic/negative. Almost trained myself that way to expect the worst in any situation really so if it does happen i'm more prepared to a sense. All this though..the car, now a house- it's stupid but I feel scared like i'm getting in way over my territory than what i'm used to finacially coping with. TBH i'm frightened of saying no to my mum- i'll never hear the end of it..from her, my kids. I feel trapped, too pressurised. You know what i'd gladly say "mum give it all to the kids" but she wouldn't or "give it all to charity then" but couldn't because that inheritance could really help me out- just not in the form of a new four walls and roof.

:rotfl:at do the telling of your o.h rather than just catching what he throws- he already thinks i'm a control freak enough because I moan to him about his priorities or rather lack of- that includes time spent with me to his mate/hobbies never mind finacially. He'd make out of course to my mum he would save that money for essentials if my mum approached him and even might do for a short time but could I trust him long term to? No. Maybe if he wasn't like this I wouldn't be so afraid of taking this oppurtunity?

angel_delight

ailuro2 wrote: »

OK - here's another option for you.

Leave your partner and go live in the house your Mum can buy for you. Ask your MUm for a bit extra to cover maintenance costs till you've saved up enough to do it for yourself.

Ask her to pay to train you once your DD is of school age.

Find yourself instead of being in bad relationships with men who are plonkers.....


If I was your MUm I'd be hoping this is what you'd say, but wouldn't suggest it as I'd know this would make you more determined to stay with the unsuitable man .

Believe me my mum has said similar plenty of times ( barr the maintenance help though ) and I do feel like ending it a lot myself sometimes, BUT....well there are a few. I can't bring myself to in the end or beg him to come back if i've said "it's over" in haste. I guess i'm pathetic and weak- endure too much (mind you o.h would say the same about me) just so i'm not alone, a single parent. I know I said i'm taking driving lessons to gain a better job incase the worst happens but I don't want to bring it on myself If I can help it. I'm not a strong woman like my mum, like other women on here. I'm no spring chicken (35 next friday), mates all moved on with their lives so hardly go out anymore- so don't think I will ever meet anyone else especially with two hormonal teens and a toddler as a bonus.:(

margaretclare

After reading through this thread, during which more issues have come to light, I am forced to the following conclusion:

1. You do not trust your OH. You've said so.

What you need to do about this, having said it out loud, is to face the issues that arise from this.

Me, I could never in a million years live with someone I did not trust. Absolutely trust, with my life, with my well-being, with my money, with my future happiness. DH has a saying 'Trust and Respect are the bedrock of any relationship. Love is a bonus. You can live in a relationship provided there is Trust and Respect. You cannot live without them'.

Think about it.

2. The other issue is your basic pessimism - always expecting the worst, as you have said in your most recent post. This has led you, in your past life, to avoid risk-taking, not to stay on at school because of the fear of failure (am I right?)

There are things you can do about this. It is a terrible way to live. People have said to me, over time, that the reason that good things come my way is because I expect them. I've been told I'm 'lucky', but then again, DH has another saying that 'luck is when opportunity meets enterprise'. Have you got the mental attitude 'oh I'll never succeed....therefore it's pointless trying'? There are classes and courses in improving self-esteem, try your local adult college.

Maybe not a direct response to your immediate problem, but there could be deeper reasons why you and your mum seem to be in this stalemate. Think about it.

(Another thought: for years and years I had hang-ups about doing maths. I had those voices in memory 'oh she's no good at sums, she'll never...' A couple of years ago, when I was already 70, I did basic numeracy at adult college, then GCSE Maths. Those voices no longer trouble me - they've gone!)

PS: No spring chicken - 35 next Friday? Good lord! You're almost half my age, and I still expect good things to happen. With that attitude you'd never have taken the risks I took in the autumn of 1997, that's for sure. Or coped with widowhood coincidental with redundancy in the spring of 1992, when I was 57. It is all within yourself, and every time you post more of this comes to light. There is far more going on here than the 'inheritance' issue. Personally I am very much against the idea of 'inheritance' - a person's own money is his/hers until the moment she pops her clogs, no one else has a right to consider it theirs, and she can do what she likes with it. Anything you gain from an inheritance should be considered a bonus and not a right.

ClootiesMum

I've not read the whole thread, but I would go for the house.

And look at it from another point of view - your Mum would then see you enjoy your inheritance and that is worth more than any amount of money.