What would you do? inheritance decision to make with limited choices.

margaretclare

I may have missed something along the way but - what's this about £50 for rent? Where can you rent a whole house for £50 a week? And a fund for the council tax? CT is a 'crown debt' which means it's one of the few debts you can still go to jail for. Therefore, it should be paid, along with all the other essential bills, not saved for in a fund.

Can I tell you what we do (retired couple)? We've added up what the essential monthly outgoings are, starting with council tax (thankfully, no rent or mortgage!), all the utilities, house and car insurance and doorstep milk. We divided it equally between us and we each tip into a joint account which we keep for the purpose. Everything goes out automatically, nearly everything on the first day of each month. Trouble-free, worry-free, no need to keep remembering essential payments that go out.

My grandparents were desperately poor, but they had priorities - the rent came first (roof over their heads!), food, warmth, clothing. I'm increasingly going back to their values. I can't imagine a situation in which I'd be reduced to haggling about money for something as basic as rent and council tax! Your OH should talk to my granddaughter. Having been homeless, she knows the value of the little flat she has now, and wouldn't dream of putting it at risk.

ceebeeby

Get out now whilst you've got the financial opportunity! You will deffo be much happier in the long run imho.

NAR

I can understand that you don't want to be lonely, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with a selfish !!!!!! who is getting away as cheaply as possible at getting a roof over his head and all his home comforts.

Ditch him, believe me you will find someone else - you are far too young to be thinking otherwise.

"You know it makes sense."

tandraig

hi angel - just read latest post of yours - and the other lovely peeps! am glad to hear you are now talking things over with mum! she sounds brilliant! do you think she would adopt me? seriously - I think you have made a start on your new life already and i think you know in your heart what you need to do. just need the encouragement to do it!!!! well you got it hun..........from me anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep posting as I am sure if you feeling down or discouraged we will all help out as much as poss. forgive me other posters if i am speaking out of turn. I still dont want to comment on your OH and believe me when i say teenagers were invented by someone who hated their parents! oh the torment they can put us through - and they know us so well they know exactly which buttons to press!! you are still young you know - my age group thinks you are just kids yet!! lots of life yet to be lived for you.

ema_o

I can't believe you think you are past it at 35?!?
I'm 31 and very happy in my relationship at the moment, however I have several good friends who are single and my age or older and are no way past it. There are so many ways to meet new people, honestly please don't feel you are stuch with your OH, it really does sound like he is so selfish and is not treating you how you deserve.
I was with a chap like this once, I thought everything was great, but I kept bursting into tears randomly. Now with my lovely OH I understand why and how much better things can be xxx

ailuro2

angel_delight wrote: »

Apparently he's to give me his decision later on today whether he's for it or not.

angel delight - any joy? or did he ignore you like he thought you would?
I hope your driving lesson went well. I loved the extra choice having my own set of wheels gave me - and of course it makes life much easier on the jobs front - you can work more places than only the ones that are within 5 mins walk of your bus routes.:D Even delivery jobs are open to you, which can have flexible hours to fit in with the kids, or care work visiting people in their own homes.

Good Luck, I think we're all rooting for you, it looks like it really will be a life-changing post, one way or the other, for you.....and I'm sure you'll go on from it to be a stronger woman and a great mother who sets a great example to your kids - you don't need to do it the same way your Mum did, just be yourself - I think there is a lightbulb hovering over your head, flickering on and off a bit at the moment, just waiting to be switched on in full brightness and not dimmed by someone else's input!! :cool:

DVardysShadow

angel_d, it looks like it's coming together in your head. Your mother is one sharp cookie to do this WITHOUT putting on any conditions concerning your OH and taking a big risk. Something grates in me about advocating a split in any partnership, but I will say here that you should carry on thinking this through, taking your time until you can see the whole picture of where you want to be and how to get there - then act. Do please think of yourself first here and think of the price your are now paying for what you are getting out of the relationship. There is an unselfish way of putting yourself first which will actually be best for everyone.

BitterAndTwisted

What seems completely obvious to me is that his reticence and reluctance to snap the offer up with alacrity is that:

He doesn't see you and he as a permanent, long-term relationship

He knows that if he agrees to take up your mother's generous offer HE WILL BE EXPECTED TO GIVE UP THE COUNCIL FLAT! And he doesn't want to because when (not if) you two split up after the move he will then be homeless.

I haven't met this odious ruddy creep but I believe that I've seen right through him. I'm hoping that I'm wrong but I really don't think I am. He can't commit, he treats you appallingly, he has no respect for you. he doesn't behave like a parent and true life-partner should and he's teaching your children some completely appalling lessons about adult relationships. Ergo, you should accept your mother's offer and not invite him to join you.

At only 35 you have everything good possible ahead of you. Learn to love yourself and the world will love you back. What you deserve now is some TLC and some respect and I truly hope you find it but I absolutely do not believe you have a chance in hell of finding it with this loser.

Kisses,

B&T

poet123

Sometimes, it takes unbiased observers to point out what we really truly know.

Friends run the risk of alienating the friend in need of advice by being brutally honest. Cyberspace allows us that luxury, or that temerity. The house is not your real issue, but of course you know that, all those in your life know that, but they walk on eggshells, we do not. Grab your mothers offer and make a clean break, move forward, and find yourself, a career, a new happier life, and in time a new relationship.

None of us say this in haste, to break up any relationship, even one with problems cannot be easy, but the alternative is much worse.

BitterAndTwisted

ema_o wrote: »

I can't believe you think you are past it at 35?!?
I'm 31 and very happy in my relationship at the moment, however I have several good friends who are single and my age or older and are no way past it.

I completely agree with this! I'm in my mid-fifties, still single and am having the time of my life socially. Getting out there when you're out of the habit can make you believe that it's a lot harder than it really is. If you're half-sane and presentable someone will try to snap you up in a trice, honestly. You could be beating them off with a sh1tty stick but you'll never know until you try