What would you do? inheritance decision to make with limited choices.

Savvy_Sue

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

She's not telling you WHICH house to buy,

No time to read the whole thread now, but if she's anything like my Mum (who mercifully has never offered to buy us a house!) then she WOULD be saying which house to buy, and would be perfectly capable of withdrawing the offer if we weren't buying the house of her choice!

angel_delight

Just a quick reply (well for me) to say thank you to those continuing to post. Never realised how much I wrote yesterday- looks like some sort of mamouth diary entry. Sometimes I don't know when to stop.:rotfl:

bestpud :T it's good to hear of others that have been in similar circumstances and was inspiring to read- you sound like on the whole your coping really well. Thank you for understanding. My mums been very much like this around the home too for as long as I remember and is a dab hand at virtually everything. If there's one quote she's well known for saying over the years is "if you want/need something doing, then don't rely on a man" or something to that effect. Sounds really sexist come to think about it but I don't blame her after all she went through too- it's like it forced her to become super independent. Even still to this day when she's had someone for past 20 years.

margaretclare, thanks for your sympathy. I'm not sure why I posted it- just kind of all came tumbling out. Putting it as done & dusted probably sounded a bit harsh- to be honest I don't think he was prepared for the aftermath it would cause or for how long. To him it was just relief which only built my resentment up more. I'm not saying he didn't offer support but it was nowhere near enough considering and he struggled to talk about it, even failing to understand why i'd want to? Sounds like your first husband was a good man aswell. Obviously it wouldn't be normal if men didn't come without a few faults at least, although I have daydreamed before about what it would be like creating the perfect "stepford husband model".:D

carolan78 your spot on of course in regards to the lack of boxes ticked/ good versus bad days- I really don't understand myself sometimes for sticking that out- mixture of reasons. Then there's always "The grass is greener....". I thought that in regards to him when still with my ex. Took a major gamble with my life and it backfired eventually. It's like i'm worried of my own judgement now and can't stop dithering. Yes it's become obvious to me that he uses my fear of being alone to exert power, pushing me by playing stupid mind games. I have good days of exerting a more confident strong persona but he also knows which buttons to press to eventually crack that/make me look like i'm in the wrong. Go out more often? chance would be a fine thing,lol. Thank you for your faith in me and the birthday wishes. Roll on friday when i've booked the day off work. Still got to get through my son's 16th yet which is today, and reminds me I still have his presents to wrap etc.

Primrose thanks for your input. Firstly I am not married to him and yes I do see why my mum is wanting to do this, am far from ungreatful. I'm sorry if it comes across as me contionously whinging. Much of what you've put is uncalled for and certainly not true- something which hopefully you might of realised from my other posts if you had read them. I'm presuming you hadn't? Please correct me if i'm wrong? My mum has enough put by for a care home if she so wishes but you know if it came to that stage I wouldn't have her in one anyway, i'd look after her and have her with me. That would be regardless of whether she bought me a house or not. She could be a complete peniless pauper and i'd feel the same.

Savvy sue- i'm sure my mum will have some major input considering it's her money and will advise on whats best/a good deal for the budget she has in mind- afterall all this stuff is so new to me and I will value her opinions. Other than that she wants me to be happy in a home of my personal choice and nice area thankfully. She as good as much said that during a conversation last weekend.

margaretclare

Angel_delight, sorry your major gamble backfired on you. This was what all the doomsayers warned me about back in the autumn of 1997 when I took one of the biggest risks I've ever taken, but it has worked out wonderfully well for both of us and we couldn't be happier. I can hear them now: 'He's left 2 other women before, he'll leave you when he gets tired of you...' and 'why can't you happy to live as a widow, live on your memories...' I'm glad I didn't listen to them. And when he stood on my doorstep in the rain declaring that he had no money, no job, no prospects, a cronk knee and diabetes, and all his worldly goods were in his old rusty car or on top of it - did I really want him? All I could do was say 'just come in out of the rain'!

Primrose

angel-delight. Sorry if my comments seemed uncalled for. I was a bit overwhelmed by the length of the post and missed that you weren't married to your partner. Anyway, I'd still take the offer if your mother really wants to do this for you. If you can be sure in your own mind her old age is well catered for, give her the peace of mind that she's seeking. None of us know when unexpected events can come and overtake us and prevent us doing things we might otherwise have planned to do. Your mother will then be happy that she's done what she's wanted to, and even if you feel you don't need that future security now, things may change in some way for you in the future and you might well regret you had not taken advantage of her offer. You might well find that with the reinforcement of this security at the back of your mind, your life might take a completely different favourable turn which otherwise might not have been possible.

angel_delight

Thanks margaretclare.

I'm glad it all worked out for you and you took that chance on him. Just go's to show eh?

Even though my gamble backfired I was just as desperately unhappy back then with my ex after nine years and us forever "trying". Still if I hadn't of moved on then i'd of been forever wondering and of course wouldn't have my beautiful little daughter. Part of my problem is I don't share your positivity. It's like the toll of two relationships so up and down stretching the course of nearly twenty years has in some respects put me off wanting to get involved heavily with anyone again incase the pattern repeats. So that coupled with the fear of being alone just makes me want to play safe and stick it out. I know it sounds so pathetic.

Primrose, no worries, I know I tend to ramble on a bit,lol. Yes what you said and many others has made me rethink think so hard about my life and my childrens- seen things with new eyes so to speak. Don't worry my mum has other finacial assets to help towards her old age and I as my sister will always be there for her. I'm keeping strong in my decision now and not backing down, but my excitement is hampered somewhat as my o.h has barely spoken to me in nearly a week since talking about all this. Maybe i'm all emotional... with it being my birthday today makes it just feel worse and in a couple weeks i'm due in hospital for a operation. I so need him to be loving right now towards me instead of being a total ****.

Have to keep telling myself "get a grip & keep strong" but I want to cry. I know if I gave him sex right now it'll be like a temporary plaster. But 1. think why should I when he's treating me like this? and 2. think whats the point? the moment we need to discuss this again or one of the many other issues that get in the way it'll be back to the way he is now. Meanwhile the longer that cotinues the more he makes out I don't love him for not wanting "it". It's like some never ending circle.

Anyway one day hopefully i'll find this extra strength from somewhere? I'll make this my last post now on this thread unless there's any other major updates as i've had an overwhelming amount of advice and encouragement of which i'm so greatful for. Don't want to keep pushing this to the top when so many others need help or have problems much worse.

Thanks to you all!

Primrose

Angel-delight. You have a lot to think about. Birthdays often tend to be milestones when we review the progress of our lives, and they don't always make for kind assessment. I'm sure too that your impending operation is hanging over you like somewhat of a cloud. Your mum undoubtedly still feels as protective of you now as you do about your own children, even thought you're an adult. Giving you the security of your own home is one of the best ways she feels can do this, looking at what is happening to you from a distance, but feeling she can't interfere in your domestic life. Good luck. May your future ride be less bumpy.

NAR

angel, first of all Happy Birthday! :bdaycake:
I think this has been an excellent thread with a lot of useful contributions, which I'm glad have helped you in your decision making. Good luck for the future.

lynzpower

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.

Im sorry that your OH hadnt spoken to you in a week, to me this must be really lonely. Worse that being alone as you are constantly waiting for the "make up" that never comes, or when it comes isnt sustainable. I am interested about what you say about sex being a sticking plaster. I feel really sad for you as sex within a long term relationship ( to my mind anyhow) is an act ofthe expression of love, unbridled love you want to share yourself with your partner in this way.

I really hope that he pulls something out of the bag for you and makes you feel like the princess, after all everyone , male and female need to be made to feel special by thier partners every day, not just birthdays/ xmas/ valentines.
I have no fear of ageing after I once saw a birthday card that said

Another year [STRIKE]older[/STRIKE] wiser

:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

Zazen999

angel_delight wrote: »

Meanwhile the longer that cotinues the more he makes out I don't love him for not wanting "it". It's like some never ending circle.

A never ending circle is down to your world view.....


You are looking at it like a circle that you can't get out of; whereas if you think of it as a line - then it is easy to work out when you are at the end of it.

P.S....you aren't a character in a John Paul Sartre Novel...you are a woman with a brain and choices.

poet123

Happy birthday, and I hope the op goes well. Be strong and lean on your family for support.