What would you do? inheritance decision to make with limited choices.

tiff

I've just read this whole thread, and not very good at saying the right thing/giving advice, but I think you need to take one step at a time, get rid of him, move house, retrain, not try to do or think of everything at once.

Its overwhelming, the changes you need to make but the only person that can make those changes are you. You deserve to be loved, cherished, respected and treated as an equal. Dont accept second best (or bottom of the heap).

Please dont let him beat you, you can do this. Love to you xx

Savvy_Sue

So sorry to hear all this. Next time you find yourself even thinking about popping pills out of the pack, please call the Samaritans. You can even email them - you could do so now if you think it wouldn't be worth it once you've come out of the trance state, because I think it would.

can I get something straight - your present home has YOUR name on the tenancy and not his? Because if that's the case, I honestly don't know why you put up with this. I cannot see how you are ANY better off, in any way, and your self-esteem might just be hugely boosted by telling him to sling his hook.

If the tenancy is in joint names, talk to your housing officer. Do that anyway if you feel unsure about how you'd ask him to leave if it's just in your name. Yours is not an unusual situation.

poet123

Loathe though I usually am to say this, or offer this kind of advice I think the end of the road for the relationship has arrived. When you sink into the depths of despair over it, as you just described, it really is time to call it a day. You have family support, take it, and tell him to go. You and your kids deserve better.

carolan78

AD huge hugs, you have to realise with how close you came to taking those tablets whhat OH is doing to you. Please get rid of him, you are worth so much more. Don't be afraid of been alone, even if you were lonely can it possibly make you feel any worse than you do right now? I don't think lonliness would push you to those pills!

Get rid of him you do have the strength because you are using far more strength with him there dealing with him and his selfish ways each day xx

shellsuit

I've read all of the thread, but going back to the title of it, what would you do?

The first thing I'd do is have OH out on his ear. Why are you with the man? What do you love about him?

The fact that he is selfish, makes you feel worthless and almost provoked you to kill yourself?

He is the problem. Ditch the man and find a home for you and your children. Your Mother sounds like a fantastic lady.

The money you would save by not paying rent/mortgage, save for those unexpected repairs and costs.

You could have a really bright and happy future for you and your children, but only you can get the ball rolling.

BitterAndTwisted

I have a feeling that angel_delight's light-bulb moment is very, very near. I sincerely hope that I am right as nothing could be worse than remaining in an unsatisfactory relationship with such an appallingly selfish and unfeeling character. Solitude and possible loneliness would be preferable to me in the same situation

Mojisola

angel - it might be worth talking to a women's support group in your area. I know this man - I don't want to call him your OH - isn't physically hurting you but he is harming you emotionally and mentally. Sometimes if you share your story with other people, their reaction to it can help you to see more clearly how bad it is, and their stories will ring bells with you and put his behaviour into perspective.

You are far from the first to find it so difficult to make the break. Talk to others who are ahead of you in the journey and you will find that, hard as it is, it is worth it.

Be prepared for this man to get nasty when he realises that he is losing his power over you. It's unlikely that he will go quietly without badmouthing you to people you know. Again, the support of women who have been through this will be invaluable to you.

margaretclare

'All over me like a rash trying to get nookie in before the op....'

This says it all. Good God. I've never heard the like, and I thought nothing would ever surprise me any more. This is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Pond-life...I can't think of the appropriate words.

aliasojo

I know how hard it can be to start to think about leaving someone you love but you have such a huge safety net under you that you'd be foolish to not try to better things for yourself now.

The financial side of things is what stops a lot of women from making the move and separating from an unpleasant/unsupportive/deadbeat/selfish/abusive (delete at will) partner, but you have a clearly supportive Mother who is in the fortunate position of being able to give you a head start.

I'm not sure what positives he brings to the relationship but it seems his negatives are many. Might be worth spending less time thinking about a house move at present and more time considering if he's really what you want/need? I really dont mean to sound harsh but as an outsider reading your words with an impartial eye, I'm thinking you need to reassess your priorities maybe?

Zazen999

margaretclare wrote: »

'All over me like a rash trying to get nookie in before the op....'

This says it all. Good God. I've never heard the like, and I thought nothing would ever surprise me any more. This is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Pond-life...I can't think of the appropriate words.

Actually, as frogs live in ponds I can't support you on this one - as I'm a big fan of frogs.

AD - it's quite clear that you can't do this alone. You need to get some support to reassess exactly what it is you are doing with your life; but as MargaretClare says - the 'getting one in before the op' approach is not just scraping the bottom of the barrel - it is sickening.