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Internet Dating and the problems it causes..
Comments
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Ok hun,
You're gonna feel awful, we all do when things like this happen, but you will come out stronger the other side.
Just so i'm clear, what did you say to him in person and in your email? Have you broken things off with him or have you just questioned the trust between the two of you.
Did you see him before you sent the email, or did you not see him at all?
Writing it all down always helps put things in perspective, it's where you go from here, and what he's willing to do now0 -
If he wants you back so badly let him chase you - grow a pair and stop letting him treat you like a desperate fool.
he has done the chasing when I said its all finished 2 months ago I know I cant put everything down here but he cant do enough, perhaps your all wondering why im posting in that case? well I just wanted opinions and it has all helped me
Personally I dont think its bad as an affair because we are not married a married person actually cheating is destroying something precious you both agreed to.He didnt actually meet anyone at the end of the day as he never stops asking to meet up with me.
Obviously time will tell and I am strong enough to walk away I have done it before..0 -
GSXRCarlos wrote: »Ok hun,
You're gonna feel awful, we all do when things like this happen, but you will come out stronger the other side.
Just so i'm clear, what did you say to him in person and in your email? Have you broken things off with him or have you just questioned the trust between the two of you.
Did you see him before you sent the email, or did you not see him at all?
Writing it all down always helps put things in perspective, it's where you go from here, and what he's willing to do now
I only questioned the trust issue I have with him.I didnt meet up as he wanted, only because I felt upset after I wrote the email then felt bad for doing so as things have been good.
I didnt put down that I wanted to break things off just how I felt, its given him a shock only because things have been going well I didnt sleep much and that only happens when im really worried.
Where we go from here? like I said I cant fault him for being there for me so its going to be down to me to see where we go, please dont be too critical about my choice to carry on but everyone is different and people do learn from mistakes..0 -
Well it's your choice pocketrocket. But I hope you re-read this thread in a couple of days/weeks/months when he's abused your trust again and your self esteem is at rock bottom again (you already sound like you don't value yourself enough). You deserve better, you just don't realise it yet.0
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It will become a habit and then an obsession. Get rid of him now he will only cause you pain later on! My husband started using phone sex sites in 1992 then internet sites. I found out about the internet sites and warned him of the cosequences if he continued. Unfortunately I gave him several chances and then I caught him on New Yers Eve (2008). I have been married for 24 years and am divorcing him. You and I both deserve better!pocketrocket wrote: »Hi I posted a while back about problems in my life regarding bullying etc Im much better now with most things.
One thing that still bothers me is my partner who I met on the internet,after 1 year of dating me, he put on a new profile, I only found out via my friend who is single and searching and she phoned to say how familier he sounded and asked me to check the new profile with the new ID out and yes it was him
My world fell to pieces, in short I confronted him he was sorry etc etc and said he wanted to try again, I asked him to delete the profile he simply 'hid it' so I asked again when he finally agreed to delete.
Things have been much better and he keeps saying he loves me etc.
But he has 2 or 3 mobile phones mainly as they are all differnet pay as you go tarrifs and old phones he still uses. He never seems to leave them on the table like we all do, I know it sounds paranoid but you cant blame me, im thinking he could of picked up contacts with females while he was on the dating site again and keeps in contact via txt, he runs out of credit and quite often asks me to call him back I asked him once as a joke why he runs out as he hardly rang recently (we do talk everyday but only few mins to say hi how r u etc- we meet loads during week so that is enough) he said he has to ring alot for work etc.
I just have this gut feeling I cant get rid of that he may be chatting to girls still, thats what he claimed to be doing while he was on the internet again 'just chatting when he was alone'
Shouls I ask to see the mobiles and the texts?
What would you all do?0 -
Some people can change. Some don't want to, and some never will.
Nobody has questioned what might make him act like this, maybe he's been left hanging on in the past (by the mother of his kids).
That's not to say he has an excuse for jumping back on the dating site, just maybe he was keeping his options open.
If you two can work on the trust, and you believe him when he says he'll remove his profiles (and accounts) then it's a decision only you can make.
Best of luck with him ;o)0 -
he has removed it 2 months ago0
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give him a chance but make sure he knows he's having a chance, that usually kicks men up the bum. the last girl i was with didn't give me a chance at all
we had 4 amazing dates and 1 bad date and that was it and I liked her so much !!! begged her for a chance but she was having none of it
I asked her how do you expect to build up anything meaningful if you dont give people chances and she wasn't really interested in answering
but yeah give him a chance but let him know your not happy about it,
sometimes these things work out in your favour eg if he has a bad date, he appreciates you even more0 -
I don't think that you should be justifying his behaviour by saying that you were distant or weren't the perfect GF a few months ago. If there was an issue in your relationship the normal adult response should be for him to talk to you about it not go behind your back and advertise on dating websites and chat to other women online.
I've been there with a man like this who was constantly telling me he loved me and making me feel wonderful at times then going online to chat with women, advertising on dating websites and texting other women if we disagreed on the smallest thing. It then moved on to sleeping with lots of random women - sometimes in the bed we shared. It took two years for me to walk away:o Once the trust is gone it's impossible not to have doubts that eat away at your confidence and make you the needy worrier that you don't want to be that pushes you further apart. You deserve someone who loves you totally and is "properly" in love with you not just being with you until a better option comes along. Playing games by keeping him at arms length to punish him isn't part of a healthy relationship.
You are strong enough to be without him. You won't be alone for the rest of your life and thinking that you can't be happy without a man isn't true - plus the more activities and independent stuff you have going on the more together you will be and attract the right kind of man. It takes determination not to give into the thought that he loves you and however much he says he wants to be with you he doesn't he's just afraid of being alone. That's why he's testing you so much. I hope that when you get back with him it doesn't turn out like before - or worse!"I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better." Paul Theroux0 -
You say you don't think it's as bad as an affair as you're not actually married. As a married person I actually think it's worse. I speak as someone who has never cheated on and would never dream of cheating on anyone before anyone says anything! I have know a few married people who have had affairs. Some stay together and some split up, the ones that stay together and get through it are the ones who have a strong basis of marriage and have a great love for each other. What keeps them together and helps them make it through is the fact that they already have a past that they know is worth fighting for. Most affairs start because of difficulties within a marriage usually caused by things being ordinary and not exciting anymore whilst coping with the everyday stresses that life throws at us. Most affairs also "just happen" they don't involve one partner actively seeking out someone else.
For a partner to actively sit down and put a profile on an internet site with the absoloute intention of at the very least meeting other women (and I think deep down you know it wasn't just chatting he was after), when you have only been seeing each other a year, are not living with each other so don't have the stresses of being with each other 24/7 is far worse in my opinion. It shows a complete disinterest in your relationship and I really have to say this absoloutely screams of the old behaviour of stringing you along until he meets the next one. I think for someone in their late thirties you are either incrediblt naieve or really just don't want to admit it to yourself. PLease save yourself the heartache and get out now before he causes you anymore hurt. There are some genuine nice blokes out there and he certainly is not one of them. Don't settle for second best because you're too frightened of not finding Mr Right. Don't get me wrong no one is perfect but there are decent, honest, trustworthy and genuine men out there, you just have to keep looking.0
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