Internet Dating and the problems it causes..

motorguy

pocketrocket wrote: »

I know deep down your right, sometimes I just want him to dump me so I know its the done thing then, if I do it I will always be wondering if he was sincere about being sorry for what he did and that he does care for me..does that make sense?

Hes not sincere if hes keeping three phones for no obvious reason and has been on other internet dating sites. Hes either a serial philanderer or hes waiting for a better offer before he jumps ship.

Lay down the law - tell him you want him to commit to you or leave and that means one mobile phone not three that is available for you to check at any time (and to make it fair offer the same of your phone) and no dating sites.

If he cant commit to that or cant stick to that, then you need to drop him.

Alikay

pgilc1 wrote: »

Lay down the law - tell him you want him to commit to you or leave and that means one mobile phone not three that is available for you to check at any time (and to make it fair offer the same of your phone) and no dating sites.

I don't think ultimatums will work with someone who's deceitful like him. He'll just learn to cover his tracks better and get sneakier. Sorry OP but he even though he says he wants you, he wants a little bit extra too. If you stay together you'll probably spend a lot of time feeling uneasy and mistrusting - I believe we pick up a lot of info subconciously and his behaviour/body language or whatever are making all your alarm bells ring: Trust them and dump him!

pocketrocket_2

I am already that way very mistrusting although he keeps in contact with me when we are apart. Im a very soft person but strong I have said to him I would rather be alone in fact I would learn to be happy alone and never go through this heart ache again, he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and would not of stuck with me for so long if he didnt want to be with me.

All I can think of is maybe someone didnt come along on the internet before I caught him!

juliescot

This is not about internet dating it is about trust.

You can explain to him in a quiet and calm manner the effect his actions have on you and how it looks to you with his phones, and having gone back on the dating site.

You could say that you would feel more comfortable being able to see his texts.

He would have to respond to that in some way, either yes you can see them or no you can't - and the reason for that.

Something is being hidden, for what reason we cannot know as yet, but the more open the better the relationship.

He is, as has been already said, good at pushing your buttons.

jago25_98

he wants poligamy, you want monogomy.
you want different things. either he changes or you change

Bananabelly

My ex did something fairly similar to me, all I can say is this guy is looking for a better option and you should get out as soon as you can. It was the best thing I ever did, though it was difficult in the beginning.

Itsgottabedone

He's a player. You're not. Dump him. You'll feel distraught for a while, then you'll start to feel the dignity and self-worth that you deserve.

pocketrocket_2

Oh its such a horrible feeling knowing someone did this. 3 weeks ago I did confront him again I was waiting to be picked up by him and he was 10 mins late I was sitting there in the dark thinking to myself 'what am I doing here?' before that I couldnt wait to see him as we had not met for a few days.

I just seem to of flipped so I txd him im going home back on the train and that I just feel you are still chatting to others from the net. he replied saying what has made me doubt him ? and to wait for him, in the end he did pick me up and nothing more was said, the fact he never talks about it worries me

. I just get nervous and find it hard to talk to him about it as he does do alot for me etc. Also he does constantly wants to meet and always txs to say he misses me so that confuses me too.

I know the majority here say leave him and its up to me I know, but has anyone ever made it work having gone through similar problems?

Thanks for listening

MrsTinks

I think the fact you met him on an internet dating site has nothing to do with things... the fact that after you have been an item for a considerable amount of time he posted an add wanting to meet someone is an issue. If he wanted to meet someone then he obviously isn't "satisfied" with what he has and is looking for something... Based on that I'd say the front door should just about slam him on the backside when you kick him out and to the curb...

If you want and you struggle saying it to his face then send him a mail - state that you still don't trust him and if he means what he says about loving you etc then he allows you to see his mobiles at all times when you want to check, he allows you access to his email account and things are going to be on your terms now, not his. If he doesn't feel that he can deal with that then you wish him the best of luck and please don't bother to call you...

pocketrocket_2

Yes I think an email is good, but I know he will say how much he wants me etc as I did send him an email when I found out he was on the net again after phoning him a few days before hand.
He did finally admit oneday in the car that it was because he was looking for another as I was 'distant' so he was not on the net to 'chat' I guess. I found it awful to think he was binding his time with me until he found someone new. I dont know what to do I really dont wnat to let go but Im beating myself up over it too I feel worthless and ugly.

Why am I still with him? we get on soooo well everything has improved since all this happened but I cant get this nasty feeling out of my gut.