Internet Dating and the problems it causes..

fiwilliams

Ohh my God - this is so like my story. I have just ended a two and a half year relationship due to my partners unwillingness to give up his secret friendships with women on both the internet and in person. There were so many instances that made me doubt him but he always justified his actions. He would always say that I was reading too much into this, saying that they were simply "just friends". He was not however willing to share these "friends" with me. In the end I had to make the choice - to stay and put up with his unreasonable behaviour, always waiting for the next "incident" whilst in the meantime loosing my health and my sanity. I chose to regain my self respect.

The break-up happened a month ago and I have been in pieces. I am slowly recovering and realizing that I was merely an option to him whilst he continually flirted with his "friends". I tried and tried to explain to him that what he was doing was unhealthy to a relationship, that he was shutting me out by having these secrets. I asked him to share his friends with me but he was unwilling to do this for fear of my reaction to what was being said online. That said it all, he was uncomfortable with the idea of me seeing these conversations and emails, which meant that they would have been flirtatious and crossing the line. There is no such thing as "just friends". Any friends should be friends of the relationship couple, not kept as a secret.

Pocketrocket - I have been in yours shoes. I gave him the benefit of the doubt time and time again but the alarm bells continually rang. His phone was permanently on silent and in his pocket when in my company, and even when we first started seeing each other, it was always face down on the table. His profile on a website where he had over 50 friends (all women from all over the world, pretty and young) he promised to delete. It took him 6 weeks - his excuse for not deleting it was because he had made a promise to me not to go near the website so how could he possibly remove it! A master of manupilation. He continually twisted each situation to put the doubt in my mind that maybe I was being unreasonable, that it was ok for him to have these women "friends" outside of our relationship. He is a serial womaniser, an ego-maniac, who cannot survive without feeling that thrill of the chase and being chased. Strangely enough, he could never do enough for me either, especially after we had came to blows when I would "put on the dramatics" as he would call it.

The final straw came when I discovered a profile on an internet dating site in his name, with his details and picture. Ironically, the same dating site that on of his Brazilian "friends" was using (supposedly a happily married woman who listed herself as being divorced). He had the audacity to deny that he was responsible for this profile, that someone had created that profile to make trouble for him. An insult to my intelligence. I have since discovered more and more "evidence". Sweet little messages from this woman telling him how wonderful his eyes are in his picture, with him posting an animated Buzz on her profile of a kissing frog (she is his princess!).
He has been well and truly caught! I feel the need for revenge and want to expose him and her for what they have done - both of them very educated and respectable people old enough to know better.

Reading through this thread, and all the comments posted in response, has helped me greatly in accepting that I WAS NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!

Pocketrocket - please dont make the same mistake as I did. These men are weak and can't live without their obsession. You deserve better, as I do.

Yes - we met via internet dating and he made the big gesture of deleting the profile on the website that we met on but not the others that he had!

paddy's_mum

If the reason for his chatting to other people online was that he was "lonely", then surely he would have been pleased to chat to anyone at all, regardless of gender?

I'd bet a great deal of money that he chose to chat only to women! Doesn't that tell you something?

PS If you feel like you're dying of the most dreadful internal pain, do you care whether the doctor that helps you is a man or a woman?

Frith

Lots of good replies above - I did find it interesting that when he was away you missed him for a bit but then found your feelings cooled towards him? That was how I felt about my ex - he just wasn't the "right one".

Anyway, about the 3 phones. If he IS messing you about, you can bet he will be almost constantly deleting his call history and any texts he receives. :-( So you would not find out anything by asking to check his phones.

3 phones AND using dating websites and you're not sure of him... its not looking good :-(

L

fiwilliams

Yes! He was lonely (he said). And yes, they were ALL women! Which I did point out to him. Obviously, he managed to squirm his way out of it by saying that men didnt send chatty messages to each other and that he didnt chat with men incase they thought he was coming on to them!

He used me. Simple as that and I didnt want to admit what was plainly staring me in the face. I should have listened to those alarm bells
when they first rang which was about 2 days into the relationship!

sarahs999

Whenever I look at this thread when it comes up in my favourites I think it should be retitled 'total @r$eholes and the trouble they cause'. It's not really internet dating that's the problem here. It's the weiner of a guy you're with. OP has disappeared but I bet she'll be back with more tales of woe.

BritRael

pocketrocket wrote: »

he has removed it 2 months ago

Maybe he did.

Unfortunately for you, you will never know how many accounts he had, or has made since then will you? There are many internet dating sites, and now that he knows you are on to him, he will simply be more careful; different sites, different screen names etc.

Your only chance of catching him red handed now is those phones, which you say he deliberately hides from you. A very suspicious thing to do also.

Best of luck.

GSXRCarlos

any updates?

pocketrocket_2

sarahs999 wrote: »

Whenever I look at this thread when it comes up in my favourites I think it should be retitled 'total @r$eholes and the trouble they cause'. It's not really internet dating that's the problem here. It's the weiner of a guy you're with. OP has disappeared but I bet she'll be back with more tales of woe.

Yes iim back with more tales of 'woe' we are ok at the mo dont know what else to do...

maggied_2

Feel free to vent honey - people aren't here to have a go, just concerned that your being taken advantage of - spill it and we can help. :grouphug:

sarahs999

pocketrocket wrote: »

Yes iim back with more tales of 'woe' we are ok at the mo dont know what else to do...

Not sure I understand you here. Are you OK or not?