Internet Dating and the problems it causes..

GSXRCarlos

Does he live with you or just visit?

If you don't live together, ask tell him you don't trust him, and ask for some space, and that you need to learn build up that trust with him again.

You need to start a real friendship and take it from there.

TBH if he runs off and jumps into bed with someone else then you'll have your answer, if he come back and tries to win you over, then you can start again, but you have to stick to your guns and let him chase you for a bit.

DO NOT settle for anything other than what you deserve, unless you think you deserve to be lied to / cheated on???

Errata

it was because he was looking for another as I was 'distant' so he was not on the net to 'chat' I guess. I found it awful to think he was binding his time with me until he found someone new

He's making use of you until someone better comes along. Not a good basis for a loving, adult relationship, and it's all your fault for being 'distant' ?

motorguy

pocketrocket wrote: »

I just seem to of flipped so I txd him im going home back on the train and that I just feel you are still chatting to others from the net. he replied saying what has made me doubt him ? and to wait for him, in the end he did pick me up and nothing more was said, the fact he never talks about it worries me

For kick off, never confront anyone by text or phone. You can tell an awful lot more by their face than sometimes by what they say. Texting is particularly bad as he has time to think of a response.

Interestingly when you did confront him, someone who has nothing to hide is most likely to reply 'what??? thats riduculous' or 'absolutely not' and quite possibly be offended by the accusation

However, someone with something to hide typically asks 'what makes you ask that?' or something similar. ie, they are more interested in finding out what you know, than denying the accusation.

pocketrocket wrote: »

. I just get nervous and find it hard to talk to him about it as he does do alot for me etc. Also he does constantly wants to meet and always txs to say he misses me so that confuses me too.

Reassurance is an easy way to keep you from being suspicious.

pocketrocket wrote: »

I know the majority here say leave him and its up to me I know, but has anyone ever made it work having gone through similar problems?

Unless he really really wants to change - rather than just paying lip service - then i wouldnt hold out much hope. The three active phones unsettles me. No one needs three phones. No matter what others have said, i'd have that sorted now, and make it clear its unacceptable. If you then subsequently find another phone he has crossed the line and you can start to make decisions accordingly.

Pee

Sounds to me like he is being an idiot. Do you want to make things work or would you be better off just moving on? I think the fact he had reposted a profile is a very bad sign. I am sure that you deserve much better than that.

motorguy

pocketrocket wrote: »

Why am I still with him? we get on soooo well everything has improved since all this happened but I cant get this nasty feeling out of my gut.

He sounds more and more like a serial philanderer, ie, he needs the attentions of more than one woman. You may well get on well together but you deserve better than a part time boyfriend!!

Jomo

My advice would be to trust your instincts.

Oh how I wish I'd trusted mine a bit more when I had doubts, keep kicking myself for it...

Hope you get it sorted out one way or another...

pocketrocket_2

I have a heavy heart I cried this morning, I feel so comfortable when we are together and he is good to me otherwise.

But as you all say he could be binding his time until a better model comes along, im in my late 30's so feeling let down once again by another man but then again its me they dont want fully.

I have resigned myself to maybe being single and being happy, perhaps to just sell up move away fresh start and all that

Its hard trust me I wont know how to confront him, he says he is so looking forward to seeing me as he has been on holiday with his kids for 2 weeks and he comes home today. and you know what? I dont feel like seeing him much as I want to.

k_bagpuss

Pocketrocket - I've read through this thread and had to reply to you. Sorry hun but this so called relationship is absolutely doomed. He's still online 'advertising' himself as single and available? I was in a similar position twice back in 2006 / 2007 and no matter how much you want to make it work, you can't make somebody want to be with you if deep down they don't. You need 2 willing partners to make a relationship work and the longer you let him string you along the worse it will be when it all goes pair shaped. You are better off being single - and in my opinion you could do with taking out some time for yourself, to be yourself and realise that you are fine on your own. You have to learn to love yourself before you can let someone else love you.

I am now with a wonderful man (who I met online btw) and we are totally and utterly committed to each other - I know all his passwords for the PC and he knows mine (not that we ever need to check up on each other!) and we both leave our phones lying around and use each others too - which is exactly the way it should be!

Do yourself a favour and walk away with your head held high and with some self esteem before he takes it all from you.

pocketrocket_2

He wont know what has happened as we both have missed each other since he has been away, he wont be expecting it at all. I in fact feel bad as he has been trying to do anything and everything for me. I wont do it by tx or email as I want to see his face when I ask him if he wants me or not there will be no middle ground.

DigitalJedi

Sorry but I have to agree. The guy is showing classic signs of being a player. If he's playing then you won't be able to stop him. He will keep doing it and just get better at hiding it.

The signs were there but the give away was:

I just seem to of flipped so I txd him im going home back on the train and that I just feel you are still chatting to others from the net. he replied saying what has made me doubt him ? and to wait for him, in the end he did pick me up and nothing more was said, the fact he never talks about it worries me

If you are accused of something you haven't done, the usual response is outrage, denial, indignation, possibly anger. What he's done is distracted you by making you doubt yourself, picked you up and not mentioned it again. Its actually very hard to keep up a lie so its easier to just change the subject.