Internet Dating and the problems it causes..

pocketrocket_2

Not good I think I made a mistake from his reaction he was shocked saddened really wanted to see me after 2 wks away and hold me

Maybe we have gone past what happened 2 months ago when he put on the profile.

I didnt sleep through worry, having sent that email last night has really hit me worse than I thought it would and him? hes been really upset

MissMotivation

pocketrocket wrote: »

Not good I think I made a mistake from his reaction he was shocked saddened really wanted to see me after 2 wks away and hold me

Maybe we have gone past what happened 2 months ago when he put on the profile.

I didnt sleep through worry, having sent that email last night has really hit me worse than I thought it would and him? hes been really upset

He is pushing your buttons! He is upset because you have finished with him, he was hedging his bets and wanting to find someone else before this relationship ended so he didn't have to be single!

I was in a 'relationship' with a guy like this so I know what it feels like honey. Trust me it's going to hurt for a while but in the long term you will be better off with someone that you can trust and that is not going to use you while looking for someone else.

This post may seem harsh but I've been there and there is no nice way to put it.

He is a player.....pure and simple!

pocketrocket_2

I respect what you say and would probably say the same to someone else with this problem, but no 2 people are the same he is different from your ex.

If he wanted to go off with someone he would of by now especially after what happened 2 months ago re. profile. but he has stayed with me so must be something there

Pee

There is nothing wrong with internet dating - as long as all the people concerned are single or possibly aren't single but are open with regular and future partners as to their position. The problem I have is that putting a profile up is not the same as meeting someone and falling for them, something which despite being wrong could have a touch of romance about it, it is about delibrately looking for for sex or attention with another person when not in a position to do so, asking for temptation. That strikes me as rather sad.

MissMotivation

pocketrocket wrote: »

I respect what you say and would probably say the same to someone else with this problem, but no 2 people are the same he is different from your ex.

If he wanted to go off with someone he would of by now especially after what happened 2 months ago re. profile. but he has stayed with me so must be something there

You are justifying his actions because you don't want the relationship to end.

Ask yourself this question......"if I was completely happy in my relationship and madly in love with that person and wanted to be with them forever, would I set up a profile on an internet dating site" ?

I think not!

pocketrocket_2

I know what your saying but what would you say to people who have stayed together after one partner has had an affair? would you tell them they are being silly? surely everyone deserves a second chance

juliescot

pocketrocket wrote: »

I know what your saying but what would you say to people who have stayed together after one partner has had an affair? would you tell them they are being silly? surely everyone deserves a second chance

There is nothing wrong with giving anyone a second chance.
You have to accept that trust has been damaged and that can take a long time, and a lot of work, to repair.

If both parties are prepared to work at this then there is a chance foe a positive outcome.
However if there is not 100% commitment then I fear the partnership will fail

maggied_2

OH PR - I really feel for you and can see you're getting understandably defensive. However you must have noticed that no-one outside this situation thinks there's much going for it. You ask if anyone has managed to make this situation work - well yes they have, only to be sorely let down well after a year when they've invested a lot more in the relationship and find it even harder to extricate themselves.

I know you want to make it work but it doesn't sound like he does. He wants you to trust him and tries on the emotional blackmail but doesn't actually appear to be DOING anything to make you trust him.

You're a year into a relationship - this bit's supposed to be easy - all matching underwear and shaved legs! Not having your self esteem dragged through the briars for someone who is clearly far too self important to be in this relationship or doesn't love you enough to change his ways and focus completely on you.

I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear but this man is not good enough for you to be with.

You say "maybe we've come past him putting up his profile" - well have you? Has he apologised, actually done things to make up for his devious behaviour? Or are you so desperate to cling on to this relationship that you're willing to be trampled over like this and "let it go"?

I know people deserve a second chance but this isn's the same as a one night stand or even an affair - he's out there touting for business honey - have you asked yourself what that says about how much love and respect he has for you? I would suggest it's not a lot.

If he wants you back so badly let him chase you - grow a pair and stop letting him treat you like a desperate fool.

When people are happy they usually don't go looking for extras.

Good luck x

pocketrocket_2

Im afraid it was me not giving 100% the last 2 months for good reasons obviously, I just kept him at at a distance but its been a test and I cant fault the fact he has not given up once on me.. so forgive me anyone who thinks im being silly but im going to see how things go for now

juliescot

Good luck to you.

I have to say that looking from the outside I cannot agree with your observations, but if you want to make it work then go for it. He has to want to make it work too, by deeds and actions not merely words.