Internet Dating and the problems it causes..

pocketrocket_2

Hi I posted a while back about problems in my life regarding bullying etc Im much better now with most things.
One thing that still bothers me is my partner who I met on the internet,after 1 year of dating me, he put on a new profile, I only found out via my friend who is single and searching and she phoned to say how familier he sounded and asked me to check the new profile with the new ID out and yes it was him
My world fell to pieces, in short I confronted him he was sorry etc etc and said he wanted to try again, I asked him to delete the profile he simply 'hid it' so I asked again when he finally agreed to delete.

Things have been much better and he keeps saying he loves me etc.

But he has 2 or 3 mobile phones mainly as they are all differnet pay as you go tarrifs and old phones he still uses. He never seems to leave them on the table like we all do, I know it sounds paranoid but you cant blame me, im thinking he could of picked up contacts with females while he was on the dating site again and keeps in contact via txt, he runs out of credit and quite often asks me to call him back I asked him once as a joke why he runs out as he hardly rang recently (we do talk everyday but only few mins to say hi how r u etc- we meet loads during week so that is enough) he said he has to ring alot for work etc.

I just have this gut feeling I cant get rid of that he may be chatting to girls still, thats what he claimed to be doing while he was on the internet again 'just chatting when he was alone'

Shouls I ask to see the mobiles and the texts?

What would you all do?

harley1

Hi PR.

I had a similar problem with someone I met on a dating site. We had only been together about 4 months but apart from that the whole thing sounds very similar. Only difference is my ex was daft enough to put a photo on and it quite clearly stated underneath it 'active within 24 hours'.

I asked him about it, he said that he hadn't been on and that he couldn't explain why it said 24 hours active and that I should trust him.

Sadly for me, I don't do trust - especially when confronted with what I considered (and still would) positive evidence, so I finished with him the next day.

However, it sounds like you have a lot more invested in this than I had, and there were other things with my ex that didn't really add up, so maybe you should tell him that this is bending your trust to almost breaking point and see what he says.

If you choose to ask to see the texts make sure you do it face to face so that he doesn't have time to delete them.

The 'just chatting when alone' would bother me a bit too. Can't he chat to you? or meet friends? or watch TV? Bet you don't go on the net chatting to men just cos you're alone, do you?

God, I sound like an awfully paranoid person. I'm not really but I remember how hurt I was after just 4 months (though I really did like him a lot) and don't want someone else to go through the same thing.

I really hope that he is genuine and that you work things out

Harley xxx

pocketrocket_2

Thanks Harley

Sorry you had to go through it too and it is a horrible feeling is'nt it?

He sounds very genuine and I want to be with him. Im not sure if I do have the guts to ask to see the phones in front of him,.

The fact he was 'lonely' and wanted to chat to other girls was because I was not around, but I dont believe it as he went back to dating site with a new profile he must of took ages to write as he added alot of new things he has done and achieved while we have known each other so he was trying to impress others its so obvious.

I know what you all think why didnt I walk away? im just not strong enough I guess.

hot.chick

of course you are strong enough.....

what would be worse - leaving on your terms with your head held high, or him leaving you for one of these chatting firends?

He doesn't respect you if he's chatting to other women and trying to impress them with things he has done while you were together.

Nomatter how little you think of yourself - no one deserves to be lied to and disrespected like this.

Please think about what you want - I know I couldn't live with my partner sneaking about and advertising himself to other women

pocketrocket_2

you are right hot chick, but im not strong as im still here in love with him and he claims to love me..guess im stuck waiting seeing how things go...

Errata

How about registering with an AE on the site he's on, contact him and see if he 'bites'. I know that some people would think that's sneaky, but it can produce results - either way.

pocketrocket_2

Hi tried that when my friend found out he was on there he is not on anymore as explained in first thread.
I asked her to write to him before I confronted him, she did, she asked how his search was going? he replied 'slow'
you can imagine how this made me feel and its is making me feel now ..

harley1

PR,
I'm afraid really that I agree with the above posts. The longer you let him get away with treating you like this the worse you will feel and any strength you do have now will be whittled away. Your self confidence will get even lower and eventually you will put up with anything rather than be alone.

You deserve far more respect than he is showing you, or appears to be based on what you have told us, and I really think that you should stand up for yourself and demand to be treated properly. The more he thinks he can walk all over you, the more he will do it.

Honestly, I'm sure you are stronger than you think. You surely can't think that this is normal behaviour otherwise you wouldn't have posted.

You don't say how old you are but please take the benefit of my advancing years and know that he will not start to treat you any better just because he suddenly feels like it. It will take something pretty drastic to make him see that he can't do this to you.

As an afterthought, could you text him from an unknown number and see what sort of reaction you get?

xxx

pocketrocket_2

My only problem is the phones, everything else seems to be ok he cant do enough for me. Maybe he is addicted to internet chatting? there are other sites millions of them that I may not know about? I dont know what to do as things seem nice but I cant get what he did out of m y head.

SailorSam

Even though he has removed his profile couldn't your friend write again if she knows his 'addy'. She could start by saying she'd noticed he was missing, and had he found someone.
If he replied maybe she could suggest a night out.

pocketrocket_2

No email addys were swapped I should of asked her to play along for longer but I was so angry I had to ask him why he was still on there and I told him how I found out via my friend, I was totally humiliated as I always told my friend how wonderful he was to me!!