Is OH right I am lazy..or is he a bully? Feel sad.

jack*tigger

Having read the replies that appeared whilst I was typing is sounds like he has a few anger management issues.

What was your self-esteem like before you met him ????? If he loves you and cares for you he should be helping to make you feel better not worse !

squirrelchops

AND it is so wierd being the one writing this. I often read posts on here ans think 'oh jsut dump him etc' but we all know that there are 2 sides to every story!!!

SugarSpun

I can't tell you whether he's trying to help you or he's bullying you.

However, the fact that his behaviour has escalated since you started challenging him is a worrying sign, and the phrase "see what you made me do" is a classic from domestic abusers: they want their partners to feel that whatever happens is all their own fault.

You have some serious thinking to do.

squirrelchops

Anger management should be my department really!

Self esteem.....well I don't know. I was so screwed up by other things in my life that I have always lacked esteem. He is supportive of my degree and we work togehter as a team.

It is just his expectation of me is too high!!! I feel like I fail in his eyes all the time. He isn't perfect, No but he is normally a kindly, hard working person who every one loves!

squirrelchops

Oh I know sugarspun....hence why my counselling has been really good at me not accepting the fault that lies with him and i challenge him more!!

squirrelchops

AND i told him that I didn't make you smash that vase...you are responsible for your own actions!

Jake'sGran

This is not going to get any better. You don't need to live like this. Can you face leaving or getting him to leave? I hate bullies but I too have been bullied a lot and you would not believe how long we have been together. He has changed and I believe it is because he has realised how ill I am. We all do things at different speeds. I am the motivated one here and was always very active.
Sounds like you must keep your mouth shut, agree with everything he says and does and try to settle for that. No one should live like that. Do you think that if you sat down together and talk it all through maybe things will get better?. If that is not possible call it a day!

squirrelchops

I think today has marked the day when i have said exactly how I feel on the issue Jake's Gran.

Do you know how awful it is actually saying to soemone you really love 'I think you are a bully'......it is horrid.

zippychick

squirrelchops wrote: »

I think today has marked the day when i have said exactly how I feel on the issue Jake's Gran.

Do you know how awful it is actually saying to soemone you really love 'I think you are a bully'......it is horrid.

how did he react squirrel?

Not sure what to say really, but the way he is talking to you is not normal at all.

I know you are saying you are both to blame - perhaps things have changed over time and he genuinely doesn't realise the impact he has on you and how horrible he is actually being? You know like in Supernanny , where Jo shows the parent them screaming in their kids faces, bordering on abuse - and the parent had no idea until they seen it from the outside?

Not that I am sticking up for him - but it's more because you said there has been anger on both sides - I;m thinking you have wound each other up to the point of explosion? You are sorting yourself out, but he is still stuck in this horrid behaviour? I dunno, I don't think I am explaining terribly well.

Is it possible to bring him to one of your councellor meets, or to arrange Joint couple therapy? Could you write him a letter to read and absorb in his own time the things he has said and done, and how he has made you feel? If i seen a list of things I said to a loved one, along the lines of "how did you ever be a manager", "you're useless and lazy", "you have no idea how luck you have it" etc - i would be horrified.

How long is it until you finish college etc? Is there a plan for him to step back on the earning/responsibilities once you are finished? It does sound like he is a little bit resentful of your lifestyle. Is this part of a bigger plan you two have? Can you discuss it all and remind yourselves (him really) .

What ever you do, something needs to change because you can't go on being treated like this. I'm sorry, inarticulate and useless (me). Good luck m'lady.

squirrelchops

Zippychick you are making perfect sense.

i think that recently he has finally begun to be vey vocal and less tolerant of my procrastinating ways.

I don't understand it really either as at work i am like super organised but at home i am not!!!

He works 11 hours night shifts, 4 tiems a week and he doesn't like his job. Yes he earns a lot but I think he is resentful of the fact I am able to be doing exactly what i wanted with my life and he is helpoing me but he is stuck ina job he despises...the people not the job.

He is quite an anti social sod at times admitedly and is intolerant of others not jsut me.

When I finsih Uni the plan is for him to be able to reevaluate what he is doing.

Please believe me all......I don't need him though for the money as is a classic reason why people stay together. He knows i have enough means (via inheritance) to buy a house outright just like that so I do have an escape should I need it!