Is OH right I am lazy..or is he a bully? Feel sad.

squirrelchops

Hi all.

Am sat here in floods of tears thinking what a !!!!!!! saddo i am that I am too ashamed to pick up the phone to a friend and would rather 'converse' on line anonymously.

We are off on holiday tomorrow. I have in the past got stressed out about packing and he never lets me forget it.

I have flet so tired this week. I have a summer job as am a mature student and it it physical. I have had a lot of stuff to do last minute for our holiday and felt overwhelmed. I commented to OH that he could have put some washing on and that I had loads to do.

Anyway escalated into a row. He said that I needed to see a doctor as i am a 'slug who sits on her !!!! all the time'. Yes he is much more motivated than me and he gets jobs done asap whereas i work to a slower speed.

The thing is though i feel he keeps bullying me. I feel as if nothing I do is ever good enough. He says I am a 'half job harry' and never finsih a job i start but do about 3 things at once never finishing any. I feel he is constantly knocking me and I am always messing up. I began to joke about it saying 'add it to the list of things against me'.

For most of our relationship he has said I am overweight. I do go to the gym regularly but also yes i enjoy too mcuh food. He comments everytime i eat and it is getting me down.

He said tonight 'you dont know how good you've got it'. When I met him 2 years ago I had decided to go to Uni and so he pays all the bills. Yes i have got it good...but it feels as if I have to behave a certain way to show my gratitude all the time.

The final thing tonight is that I said I wasn't going on holiday tomorrow with him. He threw my vase and flowers onto our new wooden floor. The floor is marked. He went to work and i hobbled out with glass in my slippers.

He will say how i 'made him do it' and that 'no one has ever made him angry like it before'....see an example of how evrything I do is wrong or worse.

The !!!!!!! annoying thing is that he is a lovely guy and I am a bit of a nightmare sometimes.

I have been having counselling for other reasons for a few months. this has been a revelation as when he used to say I was behaving in whatever way I automatically believed him as couldn't trust my own feelings on things. Now i am much mroe likely to challenge him which is what I did tonight but with awful consequences.

I feel so sad, scared and useless.

Sorry for the rant. Thank you.

newcook

he sounds like a bully to me!!

are you packing/washing his stuff?!?! just do yours and tell him he can do his own if he thinks its so easy!!

while you say he is lovely he sounds like a bullying pig to me!! it is not your fault he throws things so please dont believe this if he spouts this carp later.

my ex used to b!tch at me about how much I ate - everytime I had something to eat it was 'eating AGAIN?! - no wonder youve a fat @ss'.
the worst was when I was eating my lunch and he mashed it all over my face trying to put as much in my mouth screaming 'thats it, shovel it in you fat b!tch'.

zzzLazyDaisy

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))

He is a bully. The 'look what you have made me do' rant is a way of twisting things round so that he can carry on behaving badly towards you without accepting any responsibility for his own actions.

You did NOT make him throw your lovely flowers and smash glass all over the floor. That was an act of violence and is unacceptable.

squirrelchops

I just spoke to him.

It gets nicer. He said 'I have no idea how you were ever a manager'. i felt brave enough to say .Well I was a good manager' to which the reply was 'hhmmpphh'.

He then said that it is too late to cancel or else he wouldn't want to be 'stuck in a van around france with me'.

Cue much sobbing and a very snotty nose now.

I feel very very low.

Katie-Kat-Kins

Crickey, not what I expected when I opened this thread, I was all set for a bit of advice on sharing domestic chores and to provide some sympathy as my husband moans at me for not doing enough to pull my weight.......but I read on and it is clear that this is very different.

Your OH sounds like a bully, he is abusing you and you need to take action. This is not acceptable. He is destroying your self confidence and blaming you for his failings.

Please do something about this now, read the domestic abuse threads, confide in a friend or relative in "real life" and consider how best to extricate yourself.

jack*tigger

Wow !!
Well first of all big hugs. No-one deserves to feel the way that you do.

Now I would say that EITHER he is right and he loves you and he is trying to get through your apathy and get you to take responsibility for yourself and your life.
OR he's a bully and is trying to demean and control you.

And that I'm afraid is something only you (maybe with help from your counsellor) can decide.

I think you need to have a good long look at your life as it is and try to work out who you want to be and what it is that you want. Then you need a proper sit down with your b/f and talk it through with him. At a guess he is expecting a little more gratitude for the sacrifices he has made for you to go to college. And, another guess, he doesn't appreciate the workload and pressure that you are under.
Maybe you need to call a truce and go on holiday. It is sometimes easier to discuss these things on neutral ground.

If you are going to go on holiday, make a list of all the things that need to do done, and work through the list methodically. The list will stop you stressing about the things that you think you might have forgotten and helps to focus your actions on what actually needs to be done.

Good luck and don't forget there are people who will listen and give you advice either here or in "real life".

squirrelchops

New cook.....No he did his own packing but I knew he would 'show me how quick and easy it was' being !!!!!!! smug which is exactly what he did. He said 'see only took me half hour...what's your problem with it'.

He is always doing that. I ama student as i said and yes I do procrastinate at times but I must be doing soemthing right to have got, out of 6 modules 4 A's and 2 B's at degree level eh??

libra10

Let him go on holiday on his own.

He sounds like a nasty bully and you don't need that kind of hassle!

Wishing you all the best for the future.

Good luck

belfastgirl23

I really really don't know why you are considering going on this holiday. Seriously.

squirrelchops

He jsut rang me back and said that 'I infuriated him as every time we go away i gt stressed and leave too much to the last minute'.

Well, surely it is comoon sense that things like cleaning the bathroom and changing bed linen are last minute jobs??/

Anyway that is focusing on the minutae.

He also said 'come on on lets just do this holiday' and tried to chivvy me along.

I think sometimes is he is too hard on me and expects others to meet his very high standards. i am like that in work hence like to kick back out of work. He has alwasy commented on friends who are 'lazy'. I am just mentally trying to work out how much I really think he is a bully to how much he is trying to stop me being apathetic.

In the past I have been an utter nightmare. Believe me. I too have thrown stuff at him etc so I don't want to come across as the innocent party either.

Skint_Catt

What a bully! If anyone spoke to me like that I'd be outta there :mad: I really bet he's not so !!!!!! perfect!