Husband too strict

Nicki

LonelyLil wrote: »

I actually went in to remind her a few times not to read etc as it would wind her dad up. She came out of her room a couple of times and I sent her back in. She might of thought it, but she wouldnt do it. Like I said I have good kids.

I took her tea up to her and some chocolate too.

I think this puts a whole new perspective on your story to be honest.

You frightened your child and made her cry for 6 hours not your husband. Despite what you said, you undermined him in front of her, and did not present a united front, and you have manipulated the situation in the way that a few other posters have described so that you have contrived a severe punishment for your child but allowed your husband to take all the blame for this.

It is clear that what happened was that your child forgot her PE kit and you blew this up into a huge issue in front of your husband, who responded by sending your child up to her bedroom without electronic gizmos to think about what she had done. As far as your husband was concerned, that was the end of the matter: provided there was no obvious noise of home entertainment coming from the bedroom he had no intention of going in to check what she was doing, and did not do so. You however popped in regularly to make sure your child was doing nothing other than sitting on her bed crying, and to make sure that she knew that the punishment was down to her dad not you :rolleyes:. You also prevented your daughter from leaving the room before the next morning, even though you have said that your husband is not a violent man, and that you weren't even in the same room as him so don't know what kind of mood he was in for the rest of the evening. You cannot know therefore what would have happened had your daughter come down after a few hours and apologised to you and her dad and said she had learned her lesson. That would have been quite an adult thing for her to do, and could have resolved all the tension in the house. Instead of letting her try this though, you ramped her up with fear about her dad and from the point at which you first sent her back to her room imho it was you who were imposing the "harsh, too strict" discipline for a minor offence and not him.

Another poster has suggested that you and your OH consider parenting classes for teens to resolve between yourselves what is appropriate. Based on the post I've quoted, I think that would be a very good idea because you don't seem to have a very clear idea of the significant role that you are playing in creating and perpetuating this problem.

pollyanna24

LonelyLil wrote: »

Yes, but next time something happens it would be all my fault as I am too soft. "I told you so" would be order of the day.

Oh my god, I keep seeing things you're writing and saying "That's me!" In fact, I wrote something like this above.

I understand the crying thing as well. I cry all the time and it's not cos I'm scared of him, just cos that's the way I am. And it frustrates me cos I don't want him thinking that's he able to make me cry over silly things.

And I'm the same, I don't think my bf is a monster, but I can see how other people would say he was and that he's quite controlling.

gizmo111

I actually went in to remind her a few times not to read etc as it would wind her dad up. She came out of her room a couple of times and I sent her back in. She might of thought it, but she wouldnt do it. Like I said I have good kids.

I took her tea up to her and some chocolate too.

Wind him up to do what exactly?
Took her tea up into her bedroom and really made it into a prison sentence. Why chocolate? That's a treat isn't it, or was it you feeling guilty? Perhaps she'll get sent there again tonight for eating in her room when he finds out.

LonelyLil wrote: »

I think he compromises a lot to be honest. He stays in a job he hates to support me and the kids for example

And so do 000's of other parents stay in a job they hate to support their children. Doesn't give them the right to bully them.

LonelyLil

Nicki wrote: »

I think this puts a whole new perspective on your story to be honest.

You frightened your child and made her cry for 6 hours not your husband. Despite what you said, you undermined him in front of her, and did not present a united front, and you have manipulated the situation in the way that a few other posters have described so that you have contrived a severe punishment for your child but allowed your husband to take all the blame for this.

Yes, that was wrong I know. I just felt sorry for her and went in to comfort her. I was just saying to her oh dad is stressed and it isnt you etc. I did not want her to come out of her room as it would have caused more rows.

LonelyLil

gizmo111 wrote: »

Wind him up to do what exactly?

Just be moody I guess. Have a face on for most of the night.

The chocoalte was to say i dont agree with your dad, which is wrong I know.

poet123

Sorry, but you engineered the situation by being too strict about a trivial issue, and then Dad appears to be the big bad wolf for trying to do the right thing and backing you up. He clearly went over the top, but you probably pushed him to it. Men dislike nagging and "going on" more than anything, so he probably just wanted to shut you up!!! You need to talk to him and accept your part in the problem, and resolve only to involve him in serious issues.

LonelyLil

poet123 wrote: »

Sorry, but you engineered the situation by being too strict about a trivial issue, and then Dad appears to be the big bad wolf for trying to do the right thing and backing you up. He clearly went over the top, but you probably pushed him to it. Men dislike nagging and "going on" more than anything, so he probably just wanted to shut you up!!! You need to talk to him and accept your part in the problem, and resolve only to involve him in serious issues.

It is hard. I lost my best friend recently and do not have anyone to talk to, so I see it as letting off steam, he will see it as nagging, you are right.

poet123

Sorry to hear that, could you not sit down and explain to him how you feel? many men shy away from emotional issues, but if it is serious can step up to the plate.

gizmo111

LonelyLil wrote: »

It is hard. I lost my best friend recently and do not have anyone to talk to, so I see it as letting off steam, he will see it as nagging, you are right.

Your first post on this thread says he over reacts atthe slightest thing and you cna see him turning into an aggressive bully like his father, yet you now try and blame yourself for his behaviour.
I think your family needs professional help and support.

robpw2

LonelyLil wrote: »

Just be moody I guess. Have a face on for most of the night.

The chocoalte was to say i dont agree with your dad, which is wrong I know.

planet earth called they want you back

you according to your post were the one who enforced the punishement
you also keep changing your story like the book thing i suggested she could read and you said your oh wouldnt let her well you siad you kept checking on her to make sure she wasnt reading ...
the chocolate was guilt
and secondly if your husband is moody let him be moody