Husband too strict

LonelyLil

Any wrote: »

I am lost here.
Don't you think that OH and child are supposed to be equally loved in a family?

I agree. I love my OH and kids equally. My husband will be sharing my life forever, my kids for 18/20 years or so.

jellyhead

You'd want your kids to visit you and allow you to see your grandchildren though, I assume? Strict parents can end up very lonely.

There shouldn't be many situations where you have to decide who to put first? A compromise for the whole family might be the way forward. I don't know who I'd choose if it came down to it, partly because I wouldn't have to - my husband loves the children and the whole 'family' unit, so he would always try to compromise.

If ever my husband was over-reacting and punishing my child too harshly then I would talk to him about it. My husband has sometimes said things in the heat of the moment, often if he has just walked in from an exhausting day at work to find me arguing with my 13 year old - perhaps he'll be more harsh than is necessary, but he's not too proud to back down later on and admit that he was over the top. The same is true for me, I can sometimes be a real cow when I'm on the blob, and sometimes I have to admit that I was wrong, or that I exacerbated a situation by escalating it instead of walking away.

If my husband had done what yours did, and sent my boy to bed then we'd have talked about it later and he would have allowed my boy to read or do homework, and possibly reduced the length of the punishment (although if the child is allowed to read and has food and water it's not a terrible punishment really).

jellyhead

LonelyLil wrote: »

Also it is the end of term and it needs to come home so i can see if it fits/need a new one.

Did school end yesterday for you? Mine are there until Tuesday so I thought her forgetting her kit isn't a big deal, it didn't cross my mind that this is the end of year rather than just a weekly wash.

I can see why you wouldn't want a dirty kit festering, mudstains etc. and you'd want to buy new kit while the back to school offers are on. You could do that anyway, she is only 13 so is going to need the next size up at some point before she leaves school, so buy it anyway?

Will school be open at some point? They might allow her to come and collect her kit.

jellyhead

LonelyLil wrote: »

I think he compromises a lot to be honest. He stays in a job he hates to support me and the kids for example

That would be stressful, and perhaps if he walks in on an argument he may feel that he is doing his best for a family that isn't very welcoming when he walks through the door.

Doesn't he say goodnight to the children though? Even after the worst kind of argument (my 13 year old has awful tantrums, much worse than my 3 year old has ever been) we both say goodnight to him. A friend's facebook status last week said 'always kiss your children good night, even if they're asleep' which I found quite touching.

mikey72

Any wrote: »

I am lost here.
Don't you think that OH and child are supposed to be equally loved in a family?

I don't know what is everyone talking about, I married my husband not to give me children, but to share whole my life with him..

You haven't met my wife then.
It's much the same way that underwear suddenly needs to be comfortable shortly after blokes marry their girlfriends. When those wives then have kids.....:rolleyes:

Any

mikey72 wrote: »

You haven't met my wife then.
It's much the same way that underwear suddenly needs to be comfortable shortly after blokes marry their girlfriends. When those wives then have kids.....:rolleyes:

I find that extremely sad.
I understand what Jellyhead is saying, but I have married a man I can have a word with and I can tell you if I found myself in situation like that I would tell him what I think!! (and no, my OH doesn't have it easy with me occasionaly...:rotfl:)

However, I also do think that I will be (and occasionaly am - don't have own children, only step son) the "evil one" and he will be the one to have to calm me down.:rotfl:

But that is the beauty. I married my equal and that is why I am hoping I will never have to stand in front of similar ordeal.

But from what the OP said I do think she was overeacting at the time and a bit emotional and that is why people read worse in it then there is. That's why I believe the OP says she loves her husband very much and equally to her children.

She just needs to handle these situation better. She is a bit too soft.

LonelyLil

mikey72 wrote: »

You haven't met my wife then.
It's much the same way that underwear suddenly needs to be comfortable shortly after blokes marry their girlfriends. When those wives then have kids.....:rolleyes:

Have you tried romance? Flowers, chocolate, rampant rabbit.......

liney

To be fair i think the OP is right about her DH being forever, and the children only being in her life for 18 years......

If you continue with this manipulation, they won't be visiting you often when they are old enough to realise who is responsible for these type of punishments.

I really wish you could speak to my husband who's mother was just like you. You wouldn't need any counselling; you would realise what you are doing to your children.

mountainofdebt

mikey72 wrote: »

Someone has to be the evil parent, you can't both be their best mates.

According to our son (16) his biggest problem is that OH and I are both the good cop / bad cop and he never knows which one is going to be which,lol!

As far as presenting a united front is concerned I have stood up for our son when OH is having a moan, but only when I think it is right to do so just as OH have stood up for him when I'm having a moan.

And as for not being a good parent if the daughter's PE kit isn't clean - well in my experience getting them to deal with the situation that they created focuses their mind for the future.

aliasojo

It's slightly ironic that a thread can be turned on it's head somewhat simply because of further information from the OP who made the original query.

It started out being fairly clear cut but with more info it soon became obvious that it was anything but.

Lesson to always include as much info as possible at the start, methinks. :rolleyes: