Husband too strict

LonelyLil

My husband is too strict with our teens and it is getting to the stage were I think it will damage them. We have good kids and I think we are lucky. No real problems expect the usual teenage mess etc. No drugs, sex or cheek, good school reports etc. He over reacts at the slightest thing and it is really upsetting me. Last night he sent 13 yr old DD to her room for the whole night for forgetting to bring her PE kit home. Yes, she does do this often, and sometimes I can’t wash it because of this, but that is typical teen behaviour I feel and no biggie in the great scheme of things.

I just ignored him for the rest of the night and he didn’t even notice. If I have confronted him in the past he says that we need to show a united front and that I am being too soft and that the kids will grow up to be tearaways if we are not hard on them.

His father was a bully and very aggressive when he was growing up and I am seeing my husband turn into him before my eyes. I could never understand why his mother would stay with such a bully, but not I am now seeing how hard it is.He never took an interest in disipline until about 2 years ago as he used to leave it all to me as I was a SAHM until that point.


I am at a loss what to do. Sometimes I even wonder if he loves the kids. He adores me and treats me with kindness and respect, but the kids are a different matter.

Where do I go from here?

sidefx

Sadly I think his treatment is more likely to make your children rebel

You really need to discuss this with him. He will end up losing the respect of his children and it will harm your marriage.

Other than talking to him about your concerns, I don't know what else you can do, sorry.

Horace

Could he be under stress at work which makes him overreact to the things that the kids do?

Without wanting to be rude your behaviour is also bad because you too are behaving like a spoilt child in refusing to speak to him - what does that demonstrate to your children?

LonelyLil

Horace wrote: »

Could he be under stress at work which makes him overreact to the things that the kids do?

Without wanting to be rude your behaviour is also bad because you too are behaving like a spoilt child in refusing to speak to him - what does that demonstrate to your children?

About a year ago he was off work with stress and he is on tablets. He does not like his job, but due the the current economic situation there is not much he can do.
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I did not ignore him, I just took myself to a different room to stop from crying. He came in to say goodnight about 2 hours later, but did not even go to DDs room to see how she was.

robpw2

tbh if all he did was send her to her room its not exactly that strict
if he took of his belt at hit her with it then that i think would be strict

i think you both need to discuss what you think is appropritate punishment and stick to it ..

LonelyLil

robpw2 wrote: »

tbh if all he did was send her to her room its not exactly that strict
if he took of his belt at hit her with it then that i think would be strict

i think you both need to discuss what you think is appropritate punishment and stick to it ..

For the whole night? For about 6 hours. With no computer, mp3 or phone. She was just sat on her bed with nothing to do, crying. All for forgetting a PE kit. I am sorry but that is harsh.

If I dont agree to his "appropriate punishment" he says he will wash his hands of the kids and let me deal with them. How can I reason with someone so childish? It is his way or no way.

KellyWelly

Maybe your children have turned out so well because he is so strict? It won't do her any harm to go without her telly or phone or ipod for an evening!

robpw2

i think your being just as childish

you said she was always forgetting her pe kit ..perhaps now shell remember
6 hours what time does she go to bed .. ?

she could have read a book ..

if i was naughty i got a lot worse than being sent to my room .. no tea for example a smack witht the belt removal of items from my room to name a few

i dont nesscary condone many of these but it isnt as tough as your making it out
if you dont like his handling of your children them maybe you should deal with them

LonelyLil

KellyWelly wrote: »

Maybe your children have turned out so well because he is so strict? It won't do her any harm to go without her telly or phone or ipod for an evening!

They seem to be scared of him. That isnt right. I was never scared of my parents and I turned out ok.

LonelyLil

robpw2 wrote: »

i think your being just as childish

you said she was always forgetting her pe kit ..perhaps now shell remember
6 hours what time does she go to bed .. ?

she could have read a book ..

She was not allowed to read. It was from about 3.30 till she went to sleep.

sidefx

LonelyLil wrote: »

For the whole night? For about 6 hours. With no computer, mp3 or phone. She was just sat on her bed with nothing to do, crying. All for forgetting a PE kit. I am sorry but that is harsh.

If I dont agree to his "appropriate punishment" he says he will wash his hands of the kids and let me deal with them. How can I reason with someone so childish? It is his way or no way.

He clearly can't care for them much if he is willing to 'wash his hands of them'

In your shoes I would let him do that, be childish and selfish, and you treat the kids the way you see fit.You can bring up kids well without the need for them to be scared. That is wrong

I wouldn't have allowed my daughter to be sent to her room for 6 hours just for forgetting her PE kit. Too harsh imo.