Husband too strict

moiramber

I think you have to put the happiness of your kids first. Surely it would be better for them to be brought up in poverty being happy and relaxed rather than well off with a father they are terrified of and always scared to put a foot wrong?

The choice would be very simple for me, My child is the most important thing in the world to me and it's my duty to do my very best for him and protect him, afterall he is a child.

jinky67

pulliptears wrote: »

I agree wholly with minimacka, my 2 are 11 and 16 and never been a moments trouble. I've very often snapped at DS for the stupidest thing and then sat back and considered just how lucky I am.

Neither has my DS, he is 16.

he just knows exactly which buttons to press to wind me up....and stupidly most of the time I fall for it, rant and rave,then think:mad: he did it again

I knowthis may sound stupid, but can you not all sit down and write some family rules, with acceptablem punishments, agreed by all?

LonelyLil

robpw2 wrote: »

you dont need money to make a childs life better
many do great jobs on here without money

im not saying that leaving him wont cause upset etc and maybe a few financial difficulties

Sorry, but I have been dirt poor and I am not going back. Don't think the kids would be too impressed either.

I love my husband and would be crushed if we spilt up. Is a depressed mother good for the kids also?

emma_jane1987

Why kind of child hood did some of you have if you think what her husband did was acceptable. Someone said that its not like he took a belt to her "WHAT THE HELL?" If i had a child and my husband took a belt to my child then i certainly would not be staying with him and tell the police what kind of abuse he put that poor child through.

For getting a PE Kit is ridiculous being sent to her room she is only 13 years old and forgetting a PE Kit is very easy you just forget to go back to the locker at the end of School. A better punishment would be well i am not washing it now if you want that PE Kit washed you do it by hand.

The way i brought up was that what ever i did wrong then i would be punished in the same way. One night i was late home from a night out, I was 16 at the time and i came in at 11:30 not acceptable when my curfew was 10 and i didn't ring to tell i was late or anything. Obviously my mum was really worried. My punishment for that was a couple of weeks later my mum went out shopping and to eat with a friend and didn't come home that night and i was in tears wondering what had happened as she never does that just stay out with out ringing. Anyway i was up half the night wondering where she was and she came in about 1am in the morning. She did it to teach me a lesson so i would know how worried she was the night i didn't come home. I never stayed out late again.

Lilian, maybe you need to stand up to your husband and say the way he is treating YOUR children is not acceptable. He needs to realise that you have a say on the way you discipline your children. They could grow up and rebel against his ways because their will come a time at 16 when they might just !!!!!! this i'm not listening to you anymore i think i'm an adult and i will do what i want? and you will have no respect shown from them and no control.

LonelyLil

moiramber wrote: »

I think you have to put the happiness of your kids first. Surely it would be better for them to be brought up in poverty being happy and relaxed rather than well off with a father they are terrified of and always scared to put a foot wrong?

The choice would be very simple for me, My child is the most important thing in the world to me and it's my duty to do my very best for him and protect him, afterall he is a child.

No offence, but your child is just a baby. You do see things very differently when they get older.

Nicki

If you wash the PE kit, how did he know your DD had forgotten to bring it home? Presumably because you were annoyed with her in front of him, and perhaps made a bit of a fuss about the issue yourself? And therefore presumably he thought that he was backing you up by punishing her for something which she had done many times before and which upsets you.

I find it really hard to believe that she was "not allowed to read a book" in her bedroom whilst she was there, when taken in conjunction with the statement that your OH didn't go in to see her from the point he sent her to her room until bedtime. How would he have known that she was doing this for a start? I assume the idea was that she would be apart from her PC, TV, MP3 and games, and that it was intended she would do her homework and read quietly up there.

Tbh it sounds from your posts that you and your husband have very different ideas about discipline and behaviour, and that if he were asked he would say that you were far too lenient. I think there is a middle ground somewhere, and I agree with your OH that you should be presenting a united front, but you need to have the discussion first about what that middle ground is, and also a discussion with your children so that they know what the rules and expectations are and what the consequences will be for breaking them.

jinky67

emma_jane1987 wrote: »

Why kind of child hood did some of you have if you think what her husband did was acceptable. Someone said that its not like he took a belt to her "WHAT THE HELL?" If i had a child and my husband took a belt to my child then i certainly would not be staying with him and tell the police what kind of abuse he put that poor child through.

For getting a PE Kit is ridiculous being sent to her room she is only 13 years old and forgetting a PE Kit is very easy you just forget to go back to the locker at the end of School. A better punishment would be well i am not washing it now if you want that PE Kit washed you do it by hand.

The way i brought up was that what ever i did wrong then i would be punished in the same way. One night i was late home from a night out, I was 16 at the time and i came in at 11:30 not acceptable when my curfew was 10 and i didn't ring to tell i was late or anything. Obviously my mum was really worried. My punishment for that was a couple of weeks later my mum went out shopping and to eat with a friend and didn't come home that night and i was in tears wondering what had happened as she never does that just stay out with out ringing. Anyway i was up half the night wondering where she was and she came in about 1am in the morning. She did it to teach me a lesson so i would know how worried she was the night i didn't come home. I never stayed out late again.

Lilian, maybe you need to stand up to your husband and say the way he is treating YOUR children is not acceptable. He needs to realise that you have a say on the way you discipline your children. They could grow up and rebel against his ways because their will come a time at 16 when they might just !!!!!! this i'm not listening to you anymore i think i'm an adult and i will do what i want? and you will have no respect shown from them and no control.

I would be mightly pee'd off if my kids forgot their P.E as well. Surely they are of an age where they are expected to take resonsibility for themselves?

They are his kids as well:rolleyes:

robpw2

emma_jane1987 wrote: »

Why kind of child hood did some of you have if you think what her husband did was acceptable. Someone said that its not like he took a belt to her "WHAT THE HELL?" If i had a child and my husband took a belt to my child then i certainly would not be staying with him and tell the police what kind of abuse he put that poor child through.


QUOTE]
i didnt say it was right i can remember it happening to me a few times
but times have changed now its not socially acceptable but when my mum and dad were children it was very acceptable and im now 27 ..

LonelyLil

Nicki wrote: »

If you wash the PE kit, how did he know your DD had forgotten to bring it home? Presumably because you were annoyed with her in front of him, and perhaps made a bit of a fuss about the issue yourself? And therefore presumably he thought that he was backing you up by punishing her for something which she had done many times before and which upsets you.

Yes you make a very good point.

Nicki wrote: »

I find it really hard to believe that she was "not allowed to read a book" in her bedroom whilst she was there, when taken in conjunction with the statement that your OH didn't go in to see her from the point he sent her to her room until bedtime. How would he have known that she was doing this for a start?

She didnt know that though so she didnt read or anything as he told her not to.

robpw2

LonelyLil wrote: »

Sorry, but I have been dirt poor and I am not going back. Don't think the kids would be too impressed either.

I love my husband and would be crushed if we spilt up. Is a depressed mother good for the kids also?

in that case you neef a comprimise .. you either accept his behaviour or you do something about it .

i guess its a case of whats more important ?