Husband too strict

loobylou2

Lil, I"ve PM'd you!!!

angel_delight

To be honest i'm not sure why your hubby had to intervene in the first place? Is it any great annoyance to him that your dd forget her p.e kit? Does he have to wash/iron it? Probably not. So really was it worth getting him involved when you as a mother of a 13 yr old should by now have enough adequate parenting skills to deal with this matter by yourself in a non ott manner?

Kids forgetting their p.e kit is hardly a crime. Not worthy of the punishment their father dished out and you justified/kept up with. You obviously felt guilty about it after but by then it's too late- your dd has suffered over something trivial. Most mums would after having a moan at their kids/pinning a reminder note on the fridge for start of term would simply say a) it's a good job you have a spare shorts/t-shirt (which she should have anyway) or b) it's a good job were getting new uniform bits in the hols anyway like most mums do in getting the next size up, c) laugh, shrug it off and say oh well you'll soon remember to bring it back if you don't want the other kids to smell you right across the p.e hall/field.

Carry on like that and you'll soon find your dd rebelling as she gets older, possibly resenting both of you so much that she'll want to escape home asap and will hardly visit. Is that what you want?

As for that comment about your hubby is moody/stressed because he does his bit working in a job he hates..so does 99% of the population, that doesn't give him rights to take it out on his kids by inflicting ott punishments and you meekly agreeing to it like some down trodden wife from the 1960's who's to scared to speak her mind/put her own view point across. There your kids aswell.

Raksha

Are you married to my OH?

He is exactley the same, we can hardly have a family meal without him kicking off because of something. I've often wondered about stress at work making him behave as he does, and while he's not happy, I do know he enjoys his job.

Rarely will our kids come and spend the evening with us (we have two boys aged 12 and 14). They have a computer each in their rooms and spend all their time on that. They seem happy, but it doesn't seem right to me. OH also spends all his time on his PC/Ebay, and while I will happily spend an hour or two on here, it's only because there's nobody else around to do anything else with.

IF he goes out on an errand, the kids rarely ask to go with him (they almost fight to come out with me), he doesn't get hugs or kisses from them (man thing?).

Even my dogs will come up to my office with me not stay with him........

But like the OP's man - he is a loving man, adores his kids, doesn't want them growing up like he did, but just can't see that is what is happening

Lunar_Eclipse

LonelyLil wrote: »

They seem to be scared of him. That isnt right. I was never scared of my parents and I turned out ok.

I was scared of my parents although I have no idea why, since they never hurt me or treated me badly.

I suppose I was scared not to live up to their expectations and disappoint them. And honestly, I hope/wish my children feel the same. I have noticed that many children these days just have no fear or respect for adult authority. I can sadly include my own children in this, on occasion. But thankfully, only with us and never with other adults, teachers etc.

But I agree 6 hours alone in her bedroom was harsh, although she presumably had lots of things she could have occupied herself with if she chose to - books, games, paper etc. Actually I don't think any punishment is appropriate for not bringing a PE kit home, regardless of the child's age. Surely the punishment, ie consequence for this action, is that it doesn't get cleaned. Thus discipline by consequences which is what we do with our children. Maybe it's not important to her and honestly, why would a parent care if she doesn't. Sounds like it could be a control issue to me?

viktory

LonelyLil wrote: »

For the whole night? For about 6 hours. With no computer, mp3 or phone. She was just sat on her bed with nothing to do, crying. All for forgetting a PE kit. I am sorry but that is harsh.

She was in her room! Surely she has books that she could have read? Tidy her room, go through her wardrobobe etc, etc.

I agree you need to show a united front - you need to talk to your husband camly and agree a sliding scare of punishment. If he truly loves you and treats you with kindness and respect then he will listen. Occasionally though, he will be stricter than you - you have to just roll with it. I've been through this and you need to watch the children playing one parent off the other and one becoming the 'bad wolf'. It is up to you to discipline the children as well.

jellyhead

Was it just the forgetting of the PE kit, or did she have an attitude about it? When my 13 year old gets punished it's not so much about what he did but about the aggressive way he screams at me and goes into a tantrum.

School are sending him on an anger management course next term which will be great, and I have my name down for a triple P or webster-stratton parenting course, whichever is running first. In general he is a good kid and I am a good parent, but his tantrums are inappropriate, as are his outbursts at school (3 this year, none in primary school though) and I don't seem very good at handling them. Strategies and advice are the way forward, I think - for him to deal with frustration better, and for me to learn how to deal with his frustration better.

jenhug

the best lesson the girl could have had was doing PE in a smelly PE kit, Peer pressure would have made sure she didn't forget it again.

I grew up with a father that never laid a finger on me. I was terrified of him and despised him alot of the time. I did an awful lot of things behind his back too. Your husband, and you need to chill out, remember NOBODY is perfect, people make mistakes, that includes adults and children.

There is a saying "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "Pick your battles" Forgetting a PE kit? Jeez.

PolishBigSpender

All I can say is that what the husband did was a complete overreaction. While he might not be physically laying a finger on the children, mental abuse can have just as significant an effect.

What's he going to do if one of them comes back drunk? Tie them to a post and thrash them?