Husband too strict

poet123

gizmo111 wrote: »

If that was the case the comments would be different, all teenagers push the limits of laziness (I have 2 aged 16 and 13) but here we are talking about a 13 year old girl forgetting her PE kit - how is that putting upon her mother? She was then sent to her room from 3.30 pm until the next morning and as far as we know wasn't allowed to do anything other than sit and stare at a wall for the 1st 6 hours, and we don't know if she was offered a meal or drink in that time.
The mother says that she is worried he may do it again tonight!

But what we don't know is what led up to the punishment (which I agree was way too much ) was the OP ranting about the "offence" for ages in front of OH, was it a regular thing for the OP to rant about it? We need to sometimes look at our own behaviour first, and then analyse why others react in the way they do.

I suspect that if the OP had simply told her daughter off for not bringing the kit home, and meted out whatever punishment she deemed it required then her OH would not have intervened.

LonelyLil

valos_mummy wrote: »

Quick question; have you spoken to your daughter since? How does she feel about the whole thing? How has your OH made her feel?

I only ask because I noticed you say she didn't even read a book as your OH had told her not to. Even though he never came to check up on her all night. Now if that was me, I'd have thought !!!!!! it, I'm reading a book and if I hear him coming I'll just put it back. The fact that she doesn't want to make a single wrong move, even though he isn't there to see it, speaks volumes to me.
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I actually went in to remind her a few times not to read etc as it would wind her dad up. She came out of her room a couple of times and I sent her back in. She might of thought it, but she wouldnt do it. Like I said I have good kids.

I took her tea up to her and some chocolate too.

LonelyLil

poet123 wrote: »

But what we don't know is what led up to the punishment (which I agree was way too much ) was the OP ranting about the "offence" for ages in front of OH, was it a regular thing for the OP to rant about it? We need to sometimes look at our own behaviour first, and then analyse why others react in the way they do.

I suspect that if the OP had simply told her daughter off for not bringing the kit home, and meted out whatever punishment she deemed it required then her OH would not have intervened.

Yes, you are right. Most of the time I feel I should keep these issues to myself and they would not get out of hand.

BrokeBrunette

aliasojo wrote: »

The punishment in itself wasn't wrong but the length of time it went on for, was. Imo.

Your daughter is 13, she's getting to the stage where normal teenage 'issues' will start to arise. My concern is that if her Dad thinks a 6 hour ish punishment is suitable for forgetting a PE kit, then how extreme might his reaction be to a more serious problem? (By the way, did she have dinner/supper?)


It's all about balance. It's important to find the right level of punishment if you have any chance of retaining respect and turning out a well balanced individual.

This quote from aliasjo sums it up for me. As a mum to 15 and 17 yr old teenagers I would also be worried what sort of reaction would follow should anything more serious happen. I consider myself extremely lucky with my 2 DDs as we have yet to experience any major dramas (other than the usual lazy, teenager type issues) with them and I also think I'm a fairly strict parent but this is a major over-reaction.

LonelyLil

liney wrote: »

My husband's mother you used to do this; bang on about trivial things infront of their father who would dutifully get his belt out, and be the punisher. 30 minuites later she'd be upstairs agreeing with them what a bad man he was.

.

Yes, I am very much like this I have to admit., but I dont see what is wrong with having a rant about the kids. We should work together, not him lose his rag

pollyanna24

robpw2 wrote: »

you also vowed to love honour and obey ... doesnt seem like your doing that either .. you dont like the fact that he believes what he says go's

Obey isn't always in there these days.

But anyways, I get where the op is coming from. I love my bf like nobody's business, but it is very much his way or no way with a lot of things. And I bite my tongue for an easy life, or so he can't turn around later if we did it the way I thought and say "Oh well, I told you I was right, now you've got to sort it out, blah blah."

I know this makes me sound really weak and pathetic and I'm not (at least I don't think I am), but sometimes the whole, anything for an easy life philosophy comes into play.

I hope I can learn to be stronger and stand up to bf a bit more cos now that I've written it all down, I realise that maybe I am a bit pathetic!

Minxy_Bella

This thread has really upset me to the point that I find it hard to believe that the OP is genuine.

What kind of woman puts the ego of her husband before the tears of her child? Especially over something so completely trivial.

This has GOT to be a wind up, surely!

If not, OP - your behaviour is a disgrace! A 'good mother' would never sacrifice her child for the sake of a comfortable lifestyle. There's other names for women like that.

LonelyLil

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

What kind of woman puts the ego of her husband before the tears of her child? Especially over something so completely trivial.

Bit dramatic dont you think? You obviously have never been married and/or dont have teenagers.

Marriage is work, mum and dads fall out. People can be moody/over react. That is life.

You should see me when I have PMT!

Smashing

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

This thread has really upset me to the point that I find it hard to believe that the OP is genuine.

What kind of woman puts the ego of her husband before the tears of her child? Especially over something so completely trivial.

Sounds like one of those 'surrendered' wives. Aka, under the thumb.

Minxy_Bella

LonelyLil wrote: »

Bit dramatic dont you think? You obviously have never been married and/or dont have teenagers.

Marriage is work, mum and dads fall out. People can be moody/over react. That is life.

You should see me when I have PMT!

I'm married with teenagers. I'm even more convinced you're a troll now - cheered right up, haven't you? Now you've got a row on the boil.

Goodbye!