Ex wants to take my child to Miami, I am lost!!

Glamazon

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

BTW Glam - I have just re read my post aghast and realised when I said 'you are a prime example of what I wouldn't want for my own children' I actually mean't the situ your parents put you in not you personally!
I am sorry - have edited my post!

Good luck with your new baby x

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Ha, ha - I hadn't even noticed! I think I knew what you meant, aalthough I would have had a few choice words if this damn pregnant brain of mine didn't keep playing up!

I even cried at 'Man in the Mirror' by MJ on the radio and I'm not even a big MJ fan

mountainofdebt

I think this is a very hard one to answer but I think you and your (to be) ex wife have to be adults here and decide what is best for your daughter not what is best for you.

If your daughter does end up moving to the US, you have to remember that you will always have webcam etc to keep in touch.

jenhug

Your wife needs to ask herself who will be looking after your daughter while she is working during school holidays, sick days, social events connected to work. If all she has is work colleagues that will mean your daughter will have to be looked after by a stranger.

What work do you do? could you live in Miami for 2 years?

Tinuel

Morning all,
As an update, this weekend was talk time. After a lenghty discussion, we agreed the following would be the best for my daughter:

My little one will move to the US with mum (a lost battle...), however:

- Ex will depart first, daughter will stay with me until school starts in the US and she has it all sorted (mid-September).

- Long school holidays (Christmas, New Years, Easter, summer) work permitting, I will have full priority and she will spend those with me.

- I can visit her outside the holidays periods if I can afford to do so.

- That she tries her best to stay there for 2 years max, if not I will look into the possibility of moving to the US.

We will sit down with our litlle one and break the news that she is moving to the US on Wednesday...

whitewing

Painful, but glad you all agreed in the end. Two years will fly by. The thought of it is the worst bit.

it would be good to see her during school time as well so you get to know her everyday life. I believe the school system in America is great for making children self-confident.

londoner1998

Hi Tinuel

very, very difficult... my partner has a 10 year old and I can see how he suffers when he can't see her during the weekend... I think is a no-win situation, but in the end, you have to do what is best for your girl. Asking her what does she want to do I think is a good thing. My step daughter, now ten is starting to say that she never had a chance to say what she wanted to do (you know, ping-poing form house to house, nanny's, daddy, mummy, grans...)... I think you need to sit down with your ex and agree on what you both think is best for the child and then explain to her the arrangement and see how she feels. So long as you make it clear that her mum and you are together in this for her good, she will be a content child. Nothing hurts them more than seeing the splits and arguments between parents when it comes to childcare, it contributes to a huge feeling of guilt in the long term. Whatever you do, make sure you communicate this to her together and presenting a united front. If you decide to let her go, if you can, visit her regularly, keep in touch with Skype and make your meetings special and a big occassion. Believe me, you are Daddy, the one and only , she will love you the same! Good luck!

londoner1998

Oh, I see you already decided- it seems you have a good set up going on...well done

MrsTinks

Just be aware that moving to the US if your Ex does decide to stay there isn't as easy as you might think... I would get an agreement in writing personally - not that I know how much that stands up but hohum - saying that she WILL return to the UK in 2 years - otherwise you could be facing travelling to the US everytime you want to see your daughter and once she's 18 I can promise you she won't be wanting to move home to the UK... (Once I was 16 infact I didn't want to return home anymore... yes my parents live there and my mum and stepdad moved back about 10 years ago now so I have no family over here - but I couldn't imagine moving back - I'm more British than I am Danish although my passport claims otherwise )
Personally I'd say you're being far more reasonable about it than I would be and honestly? I'd be very careful your daughter doesn't start to think that you didn't want her living with you... and THAT comes from experience! I still have issues with my mum because she left my dad and I and I've never really forgiven her for that - like I wasn't important enough even though later I was given the choice to go live with her and did. Dad and I have a weird relationship - I'm more parent than he is LOL he'd do ANYTHING for me but the many years in different countries have no doubt affected our closeness eventhough mum tried her best to make sure I called regularly and visited a couple of times a year...

Good luck with it - hope it works out for you.

newcook

perhaps on some of the holidays you could go over there and take daughter to a different part of america?

Tinuel

newcook wrote: »

perhaps on some of the holidays you could go over there and take daughter to a different part of america?

Yes, that's an option too but I would prefer to bring her back to Europe. The problem is that I do not have as many holidays as school kids do. Only 29 days a year my company gives me. I was checking some websites on US schooling, as a norm they get 12 holidays on Christmas, another 10 days Easter, plus summer holidays (June till August, I think).

I will find ways, childminders, family, etc.