Ex wants to take my child to Miami, I am lost!!

xmaslolly76

whitewing wrote: »

I don't actually think it is fair to ask a child that. If you're in a major dilemma, why wouldn't she be?

I'm old-fashioned though in that respect.

I dont agree at all as long its done sensitively with no pressure from either party then getting the childs opinion could be invaluble. I dont think she should be asked out right which parent do you want to live with but maybe ask her what her thoughts are on Miami verses Britain. I know my daughter when she was seven had a mind of her own and very strong opinions. She may have friends here that she doesnt want to leave or she could see Miami as a great adventure and might get very resentful of you if you say she cant go without even asking her what she thinks.

Zazen999

MrsTine wrote: »

..once she's 18 I can promise you she won't be wanting to move home to the UK... .

Hi

I did want to return to my place of birth when I was a teenager, it's a bit scaremongering to promise on the OP's DD's behalf that she won't want to come back. She might hate it there.

^!£$&

Any update Op?

Mojisola

Tinuel wrote: »

Hi all,
To cut a long story short, I have recently separated from my partner and our divorce is underway. She in the meantime received a good job offer from a university in Miami plus the sponshorship to do a masters degree at the same instituition. She is leaving in 2 months time and wants to take our 7 year old daughter with her.

When you talked this over with your ex, did she explain how she's going to organise work, the Masters degree and single parenthood in a foreign country? She will have no ready back-up in the form of family or friends that your daughter knows.

You are obviously trying to do the best for your daughter, regardless of your own feelings - which is more than your ex is. Does she not realise that when she takes your daughter away, you will feel "anger and pain" or doesn't that matter to her?

If you do stick to the arrangement as you've agreed, can you organise for your daughter to have a webcam? That way you get to see each other as well as talk on the phone and write letters.

morocha

It is a very difficult situation, and i admire you really. You seem like a great dad, and are putting your daughter;s interests first.
I can tell you that i took my 2 yrs old to my birth country to see my family for a month and my husband could not cope with it, leave alone 2.
letters, web cam.,phone calls, are just not the same, you never feel that close. it is a very hard position, and there is a high change that she meets somebody else there, aswell as if she is going to work and study maybe she wont have enough time for your daughter. Moving country is a hard experience, she will need a lot of support. i think you could reassure her that she can come back at any time if she doesnt like it there.

thisuseridistakenagain

Glad you found a middle ground, thats really selfish of your ex still i think.

ive been away from home for a year and i keep in touch via youtube videos. then you can watch them again whenever you miss home. maybe you could uplodad things for her to watch and see you.

Gavin83

How confident are you that your ex will keep to her side of the agreement though? There may be a possibility that she'll decide to stay on after 2 years, particularly if she meets someone else or decides she prefers it out there. If she meets a new partner it's unlikely she'll return because of an agreement you made 2 years previous. She could also start to refuse to send her over in the holidays and being so far away there's not too much you could do about it. If you are willing to move out there yourself the situation is slightly different but you need to consider if you'd be able to do this.

Personally I'd have kept her in England with me as I feel the 2 years will be damaging to her education and friendships, 2 years in a foreign country will mean little if she'll only spend 2 years there. However, it's your choice and if you feel her moving there is best for her then good luck and I wish you all the best.

Just make sure you keep in regular contact.