Ex wants to take my child to Miami, I am lost!!

whitewing

Equally it's only for 2 years so mum could go alone.

Are there extended family members in the UK?

loftus

Is there a guarantee that they will return after the two years?

Tinuel

Her mother, sisters and nephew are in the UK, her brother in Portugal and she is very attached to her family, so yes, she wants to return. She does not see herself living in the US, but sees this as a great opportunity for her. She also wants our little one to grow close/next to the family.

floss2

Tinuel wrote: »

.....When mentioning the possibility of staying in the UK to ex and decline the job, she said that I have no right to ask such thing and if she did, she could coul regret it and would blame me for the rest of her life....

Whatever you do will be wrong in her eyes.....you either separate the mother & daughter, allow the child to go & potentially jeopardise your own relationship with her or ask for reconsideration & risk being blamed for that.....

What sort of support network do you have if she stays with you & goes to her mum for the big school holidays when her mum is (presumably) not working? Do you live near to her school? What about afterschool care? Do you have room for her to live in your home?

whitewing

Speaking as 'wife', I would expect to go and take the daughter (and it wouldn't be that likely I'd come home in the holidays). It is a great opportunity for your wife. If you weren't separated. I'd definitely say for all of you to go.

However, I think you will miss out on a massive portion of your child's life if they go without you.

Rockporkchop

Sorry you are faced with such a difficult situation. Can't you have your DD stay with you until XW is settled over there? If XW is going to be dealing with the usual moving hassles, getting to grips with a new job and studying for a Masters in her spare time she may realise that it isn't practical taking DD with her. I wonder how much time she will actually get to spend with your DD during those two years.

loftus

Tinuel wrote: »

Her mother, sisters and nephew are in the UK, her brother in Portugal and she is very attached to her family, so yes, she wants to return. She does not see herself living in the US, but sees this as a great opportunity for her. She also wants our little one to grow close/next to the family.

If you are sure about that and you can put in place appropriate measures to keep in good contact - visits, webcam chats and phone calls, emails, letters etc - then letting her go may be the best option here, however hard it is for you.
It isn't certain to be a "fantastic opportunity" for her but it could well be, and if she is finding it hard out there I assume there would be the option of her coming back to be with you.
It's very hard whatever the outcome - good luck to all of you.

Tinuel

Hi, yes I live within 10 mins of her school, I am living in a 2 bedroom flat, and I only just moved out (2 months ago). I rented a place in the same area as they live to make sure I see her everyday. In regards to afterschool, I need to contact her school and find out. I know our local council does sports summer camps from 8 till 6pm. I am strongly considering the possibility of asking my daughter what she prefers. That will also contribute to my decision.

whitewing

I don't actually think it is fair to ask a child that. If you're in a major dilemma, why wouldn't she be?

I'm old-fashioned though in that respect.

Tinuel

What do you guys think, if both the dad and the mother are equal in terms of salaries, both are caring, loving parents, who should the child be with? I think it's so old fashioned to think that a mother is/should be the primary carer. The few people I have told have accused me of being selfish and that a child should always be with the mother, even my own my told me that. A child always needs the mother.... You can grow without a dad, but it's hard to grow without a mum, I have been told by my mother...