Ex wants to take my child to Miami, I am lost!!

MrsTinks

Speaking as a "child" of divorced parents who moved far apart then ASK your daughter. I was asked my oppinion early on and was told I could change my mind at any point I wanted (temper tantrums excluded ) - initially I lived with my dad as my mum moved into a TINY flat and frankly there wasn't room for me... dad stayed in the house which had a huge garden etc etc - and all my friends lived there. Not to mention my grandparents and the rest of my family.
Later my mum moved abroad with my step dad and although at the time I lived with her I was again given the choice - as it was I loathed my step mum so moving abroad for me was the lesser of 2 evils... I hated 95% of living in Norway (it's pretty tough to be dumped in a country where you don't speak the language and the kids are spoilt rich brats who bully you...) but it was still better than living with my step mum
Honest? at 7 she won't get much benefit from living in the US - maybe if she was a teenager... I'd personally say she'd be better of remaining in the UK with friends she knows and family round her. And don't let the mum play the guilt cards - SHE's wanting to move abroad, that doesn't mean it's the best for your daughter!

Errata

I am strongly considering the possibility of asking my daughter what she prefers.

If you love your daughter, don't make her choose sides in your arguement with your wife.

MrsTinks

Tinuel wrote: »

What do you guys think, if both the dad and the mother are equal in terms of salaries, both are caring, loving parents, who should the child be with? I think it's so old fashioned to think that a mother is/should be the primary carer. The few people I have told have accused me of being selfish and that a child should always be with the mother, even my own my told me that. A child always needs the mother.... You can grow without a dad, but it's hard to grow without a mum, I have been told by my mother...

*mens jingly bits*! I lived with my dad for many years just him and me - mum lived a plane ride away so not something that lent itself to weekly visits (especially 25 years ago!) and I only moved to my grandparents when dad was going through divorcing my 1st step mum - it wasn't for another nearly 3 years after that that I moved in with my mum and stepdad and I'd say living with my dad certainly didn't do me any harm! Well... maybe apart from growing up without an unhealthy belief that everything shoudl be pink and that girls should play with dolls... And I think mum disapproved when dad taught me to shoot clay pidgeons before I was 10...

MrsTinks

Errata wrote: »

If you love your daughter, don't make her choose sides in your arguement with your wife.

It's not a matter of taking sides - I was always given the choice and was never made to feel like I was taking sides. If done properly and considerately then I don't see why the child shouldn't have a say

kindofagilr

For all it would be a good opportunity for the daughter, I would be concerened with uprooting a 7 year old away from family and friends, taking her to Miami, then uprooting her again when she is 9 away from family and friends back to the UK?

Nordictat2

Splitting up is never easy but like others have said...think of what is best for your daughter and Miami has wonderful weather too. No winters really as the coldest it usually gets is about 16c. plus having a whole new experience at a young age...I'm sure she would enjoy it. Their are plenty of cheap flights to Miami and decent priced hotels/apartments (or sleep on your ex's sofa?) so you can spend time with her as I'm sure your ex won't have an issue with that!

pineapple123

Your Ex wife is being selfish yes it could be fantastic but equally unsettling.
No family close, wife having to juggle her life which will be really hard without support, your daughter having to move now then again after 2 years, that is if your wife wants to return and that could depend if she's met someone else.
your wife has expressed how it will feel for her, how about you?

If your daughter stayed here she could vist america for the long holidays and experience life in america equally she could stay all summer+ here.
You need more time to consider what it will mean to you regarding work etc and to come to terms with it all.
good luck.

bc3000

When I was 7 I was living in Greece with both my parents, but they decided to move me to England to have a better education, and then my parents divorced (without telling me lol). After a couple of years in England, my dad started paying for me and my sister to go to Greece for holidays and now it's just normal, we spend as long as we can here during the summer, and having been flying alone since the age of around 11 I think, my sister's a year and a half younger, so of course I was the responsible one always holding the passports and stuff because I didn't trust her :P

Anyway.. like other posters have said- think about what would be best for the child- would her education be better in Miami? She'll make friends easily anywhere. I only saw 1 girl after I left Greece that I went to school with and can't really remember missing them tons or being really upset. I still have memories of them but I mean.. there's nothing I can do about it really.

Of course you still want to see her often, but my dad gets super lonely out in Greece. Growing up in England was the best thing he could have done because I have way more opportunities here. There are plenty of cheap-ish flights to America now a days, and BA (and probably other airlines) look after young children flying alone, I remember getting free food and a pool table and stuff

Good luck

mummy_Jay

Have you asked your ex what her intentions are towards schooling and your daughters education. The Americans sart later than us and teach a different curicculum or has she found a school that teaches a british a curriculum?

You can not decide with just she with you or me, you need to know what is on offer for your daughter and how it may effect her education long term.

My gut feeling is that the child belongs with her mother but I also get the feeling this has been a rush dicission on her part and maybe hasn't thought it through on how it effect her daughter.

The only question either of you should be asking is how it effect your daughter, what is best for her and her education.

Tinuel

Great help all, as hard as it maybe, it's good to find strangers taking a few minutes of their time to respond. I will seat her down again this evening (my ex) and discuss every single details. Will not be rushed into a decision!!