On a break with bf - don't know what to do

Dinah93

Either way browncow, all you can do is give this one time and it will see itself out.

You can't do anything now except sit back and wait (hard I know - try to find lots to do with your mates) as while you made the move and left, the ball is now firmly in his court to decide if he wants the relationship to continue.

Scarlett1

BrownCow wrote: »

Thanks for your replies.
Just found out he is speaking to a mutual friend, which is good. I'm pleased he is able to speak to someone and start to question and work out what he's actually feeling and scared of. She says that he is thinking about things and it is on his mind.
I've decided against contacting his mum, as I think I would be doing it for slightly selfish reasons, although I would love to just bump into her and say hello.
I just really really want to not feel like this, I want to feel better and I just don't know how and can't see a way of that ever ever happening

Is this man really worth this hurt that you are feeling at the moment , I think he doesn't want to be with you any more and doesn't want you to cause a scene, so he is distancing himself from you so when he does have the courage to finish it you will be at a distance. I think you need to talk to someone regarding your self esteem issues, rather than wait for him to throw scraps your way I think you should break of all communication, you will be amazed at how quick he discovers what he really wants when you are no longer available to him.

Wish you all the best, plenty of time left to find someone who wants the same things in life as you do, good luck

Sarahjovi

bandraoi wrote: »

seriously, you need to go away, get away from everything and everyone that reminds you of him.
If you can afford it at all go to Australia/India/South East Asia for a month and have as much fun as you possibly can just back packing around and forgetting about real life.

Even a two week cheap beach holiday with a mate. Just get out of there, switch your mobile off and have some fun.

I agree, take your self off on an holiday! Once he knows you're getting on with your life and not just hanging around awaiting his decision, he may just make his mind up that little bit quicker. And whilst your away, a little male attention, may just help you realise that the world doesn't revolve around just one man;).

Sarah:D

euronorris

I think the best thing you can do, which I think someone else mentioned earlier, is to concentrate on yourself and figuring out what YOU want from LIFE and for YOURSELF.

I know it's hard, but try not to think about what he wants or how he will feel about you doing this, or that etc.

My friend was in a similar position a couple of years ago. She had been with her bf for 2 years and had even moved over 400 miles away from home to be with him. Previous to this she had always been in one long term relationship after another. She had no idea who she really was anymore or what she wanted.

When they split, she decided to concentrate on achieving the things that she wanted. So...she went back to university to study marketing and copywriting. She started going out with friends, laughing and joking again. After about a month or so, she agreed to a few dates and really started to find her feet and figure out what she wanted and needed from life.

Guess what? He saw all of this happening and saw the girl he fell in love with again. He spent the next 2 months beggin for forgiveness and talking through things with her etc.

They got back together and are happily living together now. She has a job that makes her really happy and she's continued to see her friends without him so that she is her own person, not one half of a couple.

Now, this worked for her, but I cannot guarantee that your OH will react in the same way. But even if he doesn't, you'll already be in a very good position to move on with your life and find someone who makes you just as happy as he makes you.

The first step? Call your friends round for a girly night in, cry it out, get angry, eat icecream and chocolate and drink some wine. You can then start to think about what YOU want to do and create a plan to achieve your dreams.

I hope I don't sound an idiot as I typed this, I know it's really hard to deal with, but you can do it!

Keep smiling

belfastgirl23

BrownCow wrote: »

Thanks
I just can't get it out of my head - I don't want to do anything that could push him away - ie make him realise he doesn't actually want me.
I am quite close to his mum, but it would be very difficult to not talk about the issues. I think she's one of the few people who could talk to him and make him realise how silly / selfish he's being (or I'm letting him be) but I do want to speak to her just to let her know I'm still here and want to see her.
I just don't know what to do and I don't want to feel so awful. Please someone make it all go away

First of all just to say like the others, talking to his mum would be a bad idea.

But secondly I don't really think he is necessarily being silly or selfish. Sorry. But if he thinks you aren't the right person for him then wouldn't it be more selfish to keep you hanging around until he eventually meets someone else or whatever?

Believe me I have been in your shoes and I know how awful it is. But you what you need to do at the minute is try to get on with things. Hanging around waiting for him and getting in touch with his mum will only drive him away. You are who he was attracted to at the beginning, so getting in touch with who the real you is can only make you more attractive to him.

Listen to what everyone is telling you. We do know best in this situation sorry I don't often say that but when you're in a fog of depression sometimes other people are able to see it more clearly.

bikerqueen

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

But secondly I don't really think he is necessarily being silly or selfish. Sorry. But if he thinks you aren't the right person for him then wouldn't it be more selfish to keep you hanging around until he eventually meets someone else or whatever?

but he is keeping her hanging around. If he'd hat the guts to say "it's over" is one thing - I don't know how i feel is cowardly,

belfastgirl23

bikerqueen wrote: »

but he is keeping her hanging around. If he'd hat the guts to say "it's over" is one thing - I don't know how i feel is cowardly,

But on the other hand maybe he really honestly doesn't know...men are strange creatures

bikerqueen

Then surely you should keep it to yourself until you know? or am i just a miserable old cow?

BrownCow_2

Hi
I've contacted him to discuss the plans I made with his mum. He's worried it could be awkward. I'm off out tonight but really really not looking forward to it :-(
I really really want him to be here with me. I'm physically hurting and the thought of another few weeks of this is scaring me. At least it's better than an indefinate time which is what he suggested!
Aaaaaaaargh!
Why will nothing make me feel better?

Dinah93

What will you do if at the end of a month he still doesn't know?