On a break with bf - don't know what to do

swiss69

I read something the other day which tried to expalin why many women cling on to relationships when they know deep down that its over.

It basically said that Women from an early age have a life plan.

Meet someone, fall in love, get engaged, get married, have children, raise children happily with supportive husband, see their children have children, play dutiful grandparent.........die

If this plan is shattered at some stage the fear of going back to the start is too much for some and they will cling to the hope that they can resurrect the current relationship and continue on the path even if they know it is wrong. It went on to say that many women take rejection very personally.

Men are much more simple creatures than this. Very few of us have this life plan and I think if women didn't then there would be fewer weddings, fewer children etc.....

What we are not good at is telling you that its over. To me, once you start having major doubts then it is time to move on. You may paper over the cracks and try to get on with things but deep down you know that these feelings will come back.

You met very young and statistically these relationships have a much higher chance of breaking up than those where you meet in late 20's or thirties, when you have both had plenty of other relationships and life experiences so you know what you are comparing with.

My gut feeling is that if you split up, you will be in pain for a little while but will move on and meet someone much better for you, with similar interests etc.

Its just about being brave enough to do it. There is more than one "Soul Mate" out there for everyone, to think otherwise is wrong.

Good Luck

lea

Hi Brown Cow

Just read your thread and it really struck a chord with me. Read my thread from March 2008 as I think there are some similarities. I was with ex partner from the age of 16. We got married in 2006 when I was 24, and 6 months later he told me he thought he had made a mistake, didnt know what he wanted, whether he loved me etc etc. He wanted time apart to think about his life. You can imagine how devastated I was-he was my everything. Like you, I didnt know who I was anymore, I was so used to being with him. We spent the next year trying to make things work, and looking back I was so desparately unhappy. Any change in his behaviour, any bad mood, set me on edge-was he having his doubts again? Didnt he love me anymore? We finally separated in March 08, which is when we had 2 weeks apart with no contact for him to think about things.
We never got back together. I'm not saying its the same situation as yours, but there are a lot of similarities.

The past 2 years have been so difficult-we had to sell our house which I loved, my ex got 'custody' of our much loved dog and cat, I had to get rid of every single piece of furniture I owned as I moved into a very small rented place....my whole life was turned upsidedown. And most of all I missed my ex, the guy who had been in my life every day since 1998 when I was still a teenager.

But you know what? I am probably the happiest I have ever been right now. Am living in a new town in a gorgeous flat with a friend. I had a year enjoying the single life, going out with friends, meeting guys, dating etc. And now I am 6 months into a new relationship with a really great guy. Its early days still but I never thought I would find someone again that I could love. But guess what-you can. When people used to say that to me a year ago, I used to think 'but I want my ex, he's the right person for me'. Looking back now, detached from the situation, I can see moving on was the best thing that ever happened. It also spurred me on to do a sky dive for charity and also spend 3 weeks in Thailand by myself-things I would never have dreamed of whilst I was in my little bubble with my ex.

Sorry for the long post but I really feel for what you are going through

Lea x

Beckymarshall07

I'm sorry if this sounds horrible - but your post reads to me as if you are scared of the fallout from this relationship breaking up rather than losing your boyfriend. Are you sure he is the right person for you? I was in v similar position to you a few years back - we had the break - it made me realise that he wasnt right for me.