On a break with bf - don't know what to do

Pee

You are still young and you do have plenty of time to make this decision, but that does make it more pressing.

If you didn't want children, you could take as long as he liked to decide the best way forward.

Give yourself the deadline of say next Easter... I'm inclined to say Xmas, but think that would be wrong, and if things have not changed by then, if it is going round in circles, then that is the time to issue the ultimatum and join the dating agency.

BrownCow_2

What do you mean to give myself a deadline of Easter? We've decided on a month 'apart' so isn't that my deadline? Or do you mean I could give myself some time to allow myself to think 'he could change his mind / realise he was wrong'? I just don't want any of this. Why are mornings so difficult?
I'm considering contacting his mother, we had arrangements for next week and I don't want to lose contact with her - what if it upsets / angers him though? I don't know that it will, I'm just so confused

junkanoo

Mornings will be difficult, but it will get easier. Just hang in there. You can do it!!!

If you and him mum are close, I would still contact her and do whatever you had planned. Just don't talk about your issues with her son etc... Again stop worrying about what he will think. Just do what makes you happy.

BrownCow_2

Thanks
I just can't get it out of my head - I don't want to do anything that could push him away - ie make him realise he doesn't actually want me.
I am quite close to his mum, but it would be very difficult to not talk about the issues. I think she's one of the few people who could talk to him and make him realise how silly / selfish he's being (or I'm letting him be) but I do want to speak to her just to let her know I'm still here and want to see her.
I just don't know what to do and I don't want to feel so awful. Please someone make it all go away

bikerqueen

But darling we can't - why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? Aren't you worth more?

Emmzi

getting him mum to "talk sense into him" is pretty manipulative and will probably blow up in your face. I would hate you for it, personally, and not forgive.

See her only if you can not talk abut the relationship. He's blood, you're not, and like it or not her first loyalty is to him.

bandraoi

seriously, you need to go away, get away from everything and everyone that reminds you of him.
If you can afford it at all go to Australia/India/South East Asia for a month and have as much fun as you possibly can just back packing around and forgetting about real life.

Even a two week cheap beach holiday with a mate. Just get out of there, switch your mobile off and have some fun.

Dinah93

When I broke up with my ex (I called it on a break as he tried to kill himself when I called it a break up) he kept calling my mum to talk, it meant I didn't feel I could talk to her comfortably, and it sealed the deal on whether we could stay friends (I had already decided it was over, just needed to give him time to see that). Whatever you do, don't talk to his mum about the relationship no matter how close you are, he'll feel completely trapped and angry at you.

As other posters have said, I do think you're worth more than to hang around to find out if some guy deems you worthy of his affections, but I know how hard it can be to face this and not dismiss it as 'he's just confused/he's scared of commitment' etc.

x

BrownCow_2

Thanks for your replies.
Just found out he is speaking to a mutual friend, which is good. I'm pleased he is able to speak to someone and start to question and work out what he's actually feeling and scared of. She says that he is thinking about things and it is on his mind.
I've decided against contacting his mum, as I think I would be doing it for slightly selfish reasons, although I would love to just bump into her and say hello.
I just really really want to not feel like this, I want to feel better and I just don't know how and can't see a way of that ever ever happening

MadMac_2

Take a few deep breaths and take a step back. Please don't beat yourself up with throughts of 'should I do this?' or 'what if I don't do that?' Nothing you do will push him to decide he doesn't want to be with you - or that he does! He already knows deep down if he does or he doesn't - and after this long together, it shouldn't take him long for the truth to come to the front of his mind!

It's a waiting game and that is a very hard thing to go through, but try anything to keep your mind occupied and you'll feel much more confident and self assured at the end of the month than you do now.

You are strong,
you will get through this,
you are worth more,
x