On a break with bf - don't know what to do

Emmzi

don't listen to what he says, pay attention to what he does

he doesnt ask you to live with him
he doesn't propose
he doesn't care abut you being happy, more than him hanging on to his insecurity

You knew the answer before you posted, I think

junkanoo

To be honest stop worrying about if he is happy, if he is going to call etc... If he doesn't know what he has by now I don't think he ever will. Yes there are time when people in relationships go through difficult times, and yes sometimes a break (a few day or whatever) is needed for someone to realize what they have. You have done all that you can to save your relationship, the ball is really in his court. If he's not will to open up and talk about it all, you can't really do much more.

So go to your hen parties, have a great time, let your hair down, focus on you and your friends. I know all this is much easier said than done, but honestly it may be a good thing. From reading your posts it sounds like you need to think about whats best for you, what you want in life, what is going to make you happy. Take each day of the upcoming month one day at a time.

73amanda

Hi Browncow. Am afraid that you are really the only one who knows what you want and want to do. The fact that you have been with your man for 10 years and you call him your boyfriend is irrelevant. I have been with mine for 6 years next month (we've lived together for 5) and I still refer to him as my boyfriend - I personally hate the word partner. However I digress. I think that for some men the thought of commitment and marriage is a terrifying thought. For women I guess it is a bit easier, as when we find someone special and want to be with them, commitment to them comes almost without thinking. From what you have written in your posts, it is the commitment part that your boyfriend is having difficulty with. This is something that you cannot force upon him and is definitely something that he needs to reconcile with himself. I think that you should look at your time apart as a positive thing. It firstly allows you both time to consider your relationship. The question that you both need to ask yourselves is "Can you see yourselves still together in 10 years time?" If the answer is yes, then great, you can move forward and address any problem areas together and build on your relationship in the years to come. If the answer is no, you need to ask yourselves why that is. It may be that there are areas in your relationship which you both see differently - can you work together to overcome these. It may be that you both have goals that have not been achieved - can you achieve them together or with the support of the other one. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and see whether you can work on the negative aspects, so that you can see yourselves still together in the future. The final option is of course that the relationship has run its course and it is better in the long run for both of you to go your separate ways.

Browncow, I think that you know in your heart of hearts what the answer to the question is for you. I hope that you both consider your relationship very carefully and that ultimately you can can resolve and differences and move forward together. If however that is not to be, then do not be afraid to be on your own. Life is what you make of it and you are the one in control of your own destiny.

summerday

Pee wrote: »

You have given him? Should that be you have enjoyed ten years of your lives together.

But if you're after a serious relationship and give them time, if after 10 years they still won't really commit it does make you wonder if they've just strung you along for such a long time. No one can say the girl's not been patient!

The_Banker_5

The fact that you arent married after 10 years should tell you he doesnt love you or you dont love him. Or both.;)

belfastgirl23

You know what. This will only get sorted when you get past feeling sad and get to angry Sorry to be so brutal but he will dilly and dally around and it's only when you get to a stage where it is less painful to be without him than to live with this insecurity that he will finally decide. Unfortunately till then you're stuck where you are. Personally of course I'd say don't get too much in touch but then that's a lot easier advice to give than to follow.

Good luck. I've been where you are now and it was awful.

Bitsy_Beans

I would have no contact all at. Otherwise you are just going to come across as clingy and needy and the fact that you're going to be renting out your flat sounds like he's got cold feet about the whole new step. Like you renting your place out is so final. If he's having doubts like this heaven help you if he ever got around to proposing!!
No relationship is 100% happy all the time. That just isn't human nature. Life gets in the way at times, stress, tiredness, drifting apart. A relationship requires some effort on each other behalf.
My brother split with his ex a few years after he proposed. She was over 30 and was gutted at the loss of the relationship. However 6 years on she's married and seems happy so all is not lost. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, anything else is just second best.

irnbruicecream

Hello Brown Cow, hope you are feeling ok.

Somthing similar to this happened to me a few years ago. Had been in a relationship for about 6 years, hadnt got engaged, married or moved in together. (No reason, just hadnt ever been discussed). Then he told me he didnt know what he wanted anymore, so we had a break for about a month, as it was his choice i let him get in contact with me, i never got in touch with him. i started going out with my friends more, doing things i wanted to do, looking back i think i had become a bit clingy. I was devastated at the time but think if i hadnt given him the space things would have turned out very differently! We got back together, i bought a flat, he moved in, just incase it didnt go the way we wanted it to (my choice). We are happily married now with 2 children.

At the time i was angry at him for putting me through all the uncertainty, i couldnt understand why he didnt know what he wanted, he either loved me or he didnt, i considered walking away from our relationship myself but i loved him. We started dating again, something we hadnt done for a long time and it was like starting over.

I would give him the space he is asking for but dont be a walk over, take the time yourself to decide if he is the one you want to be with.

I dont agree that everything is perfect in a relationship, everyone has there problems. We still have ours but i know he is always there for me when i need him, hes very supportive of me and i am of him.

Hope everything works out for you.

garbadine

The fact that you arent married after 10 years should tell you he doesnt love you or you dont love him. Or both.;)

...or that neither of you actually want to get married or see it as being necessary in order to prove your commitment?!? (off topic I know, but I don't see why marriage has to be a fait accomplis in a permanent relationship).

The_Banker_5

garbadine wrote: »

...or that neither of you actually want to get married

Because both of them are waiting for the right person to come along and are making do with what they have in the meantime;)