On a break with bf - don't know what to do

Pssst

Whats the difference between a boyfriend and a partner and when/how does one become the other? Is it possible to go from partner to boyfriend or even to boy friend?

newcook

Sounds to me that he wants to have his cake and eat it! He wants to go and and be like a single bloke but just incase he doesn’t like it he knows he can come running back and you will welcome him back with open arms.

If I were you, I would have a good cry, a cuppa tea, soak in the bath then call your girlfriends and arrange a girls night out filled with plenty of flirting, dancing, giggling and tequila!!! - you must also have a rule that no tears are allowed while you are on your night out!

You are still young - don’t waste your time on a guy who cant decide if he wants to be with you or not

xx

Caroline73_2

BrownCow wrote: »

Thanks for your replies
I'm torn between keeping communication open and having no contact. I really don't know what would be best.
I don't want to be the one to contact him (apart from having to ask him to bring my stuff) but I'm scared if we're not in contact he'll forget - out of sight out of mind.
I thought I would like to phone every week, as I don't want to lose him, he's my best friend. But if we're still talking every week or whatever will he realise what he'll lose - absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I explained this to him last night and he said he doesn't know which approach will make him realise
I wish I wasn't me right now, I don't want this to be my life

If that happens then it isn't meant to be browncow.

I don't like the idea of 'trial' separations because mentally you still won't be separated. Lose contact for the whole month and then you both really know. Go out and have fun - live your life.

I spilt up from my ex when I was 29, I thought I'd be on the shelf forever. I wasn't.

skintchick

Pssst wrote: »

Whats the difference between a boyfriend and a partner and when/how does one become the other? Is it possible to go from partner to boyfriend or even to boy friend?

I think it is when the commitment goes to a new level, so if you move in together really.

I wouldn;t personally have thougt you could go from partner to boyfriend as that implies you've removed the commitment from the equation.

For me, my bloke was by boyfriend, then my fiance, and now my husband. Of course he is also my partner, but we didn;t live together before we were married.

I believe relationships need to move up commitment levels and that if they don;t then something is wrong.

Paparika

If you are on a break then no contact at all.

If after one month he is still dithering then pack your stuff and tell him that if he isn't man enough to say its over then you will.

BrownCow_2

Thanks for your replies.
Due to his work (don't really want to say what it is in case it makes him recognisable - is that silly?) he lives where he works and it's a house he's inherited. When I was living there, I considered it my home and I still do which is why it's so painful. I want to go home!
I own my own house and that's the main reason things have come to a head now, me renting my house out really really scared him. He seemed fine with living together but not having my house 'empty' seemed too final or something - I really don't know

Pssst

skintchick wrote: »

I think it is when the commitment goes to a new level, so if you move in together really.

I wouldn;t personally have thougt you could go from partner to boyfriend as that implies you've removed the commitment from the equation.

For me, my bloke was by boyfriend, then my fiance, and now my husband. Of course he is also my partner, but we didn;t live together before we were married.

I believe relationships need to move up commitment levels and that if they don;t then something is wrong.

I tend to agree.

Gavin83

skintchick wrote: »

I think it is when the commitment goes to a new level, so if you move in together really.

I wouldn;t personally have thougt you could go from partner to boyfriend as that implies you've removed the commitment from the equation.

For me, my bloke was by boyfriend, then my fiance, and now my husband. Of course he is also my partner, but we didn;t live together before we were married.

I believe relationships need to move up commitment levels and that if they don;t then something is wrong.

Thats a reasonable way of looking at a move from a boyfriend to a partner. However, I don't think most people follow this and I'd continue to call my girlfriend by that title until we were engaged. I don't think it's strange for the OP to call him her boyfriend and it really doesn't slow any lack of commitment.

I really think a couple should be living together after 10 months. However, if I was your boyfriend and after 10 months you were asking us to live together I'd run a mile! I really don't think thats long enough to judge if a relationship will last long term.

Hopefully he'll realise it's you he wants and come back, I really don't think it's fair to discount it yet. I did a similar thing with my girlfriend a year ago, although we were a bit rubbish at the time which prompted it. We got back together a week later and have been really happy ever since. I think sometimes a bit of a break after a while together can do wonders.

I hope it all works out for you.

skintchick

BrownCow wrote: »

Thanks for your replies.
Due to his work (don't really want to say what it is in case it makes him recognisable - is that silly?) he lives where he works and it's a house he's inherited. When I was living there, I considered it my home and I still do which is why it's so painful. I want to go home!
I own my own house and that's the main reason things have come to a head now, me renting my house out really really scared him. He seemed fine with living together but not having my house 'empty' seemed too final or something - I really don't know

He felt like that after so long together? REally hon this relationship is over. I'm so sorry but that is what he is telling you.

Go get your stuff, get your mates round, have a good cry and then move on and stop wasting any more of your life on this man.

skintchick

Gavin83 wrote: »

Thats a reasonable way of looking at a move from a boyfriend to a partner. However, I don't think most people follow this and I'd continue to call my girlfriend by that title until we were engaged. I don't think it's strange for the OP to call him her boyfriend and it really doesn't slow any lack of commitment.

I really think a couple should be living together after 10 months. However, if I was your boyfriend and after 10 months you were asking us to live together I'd run a mile! I really don't think thats long enough to judge if a relationship will last long term.

Hopefully he'll realise it's you he wants and come back, I really don't think it's fair to discount it yet. I did a similar thing with my girlfriend a year ago, although we were a bit rubbish at the time which prompted it. We got back together a week later and have been really happy ever since. I think sometimes a bit of a break after a while together can do wonders.

I hope it all works out for you.

If you couldn;t decide after that length of time it wouldn;t be you ending the relationship!

I told my husband on our first date that I was looking for marriage and commitment and that if he didn;t want that, at least in theory, then he should move on.

He proposed four months later and we were married after 18 months as a couple.



Anyway, with regards to the OP we are talking about ten YEARS and if the guy doen;t know what he wants now then he never will.