On a break with bf - don't know what to do

mandyT_3

I agree with DKLS. Stick to this saying and you will be all the better for it... "Never go back". Apply it to everything because there are two important points, one is that it will not be what it was, secondly there is a reason you aint there now. As you can see I have generalised it so you can see how it can be applied. Remember who you are and get used to doing things that you enjoy doing. Good luck for the future hun and don't take him back, your commitment will be better served with someone that deserves and appreciates it!

BrownCow_2

Thanks for all of your replies.
I feel awful today, really sick and just want him. I'm even regretting leaving last week a little bit - it was my choice, I could still be there and that's where I want to be :www:
Everything that's been said are things I've thought and I really don't know what to do. I want him to know what he wants and it hurts so much that he doesn't.
Why has he got himself into this position where he can't see what's right in front of him?!? No relationship is 100% perfect, I know that, why doesn't he
I've been thinking I won't contact him until next week but I want to, I'm crying and I want him - I really don't want to be me

efrieze

If it makes you feel any better, one of my friends was together with her BF and after a year of two (fair enough not 10 years) they split up and moved away as he was so miserable in his job and his debt etc he thought he was miserable with her too. They were seperate for a year (although in contact) and then he realised that the fairytale dream of fluffy clouds and music in the air whenever he was with his future 'life-partner' wasn't actually realistic at all that the relationship they had was worth fighting for - she moved to be with him and they got married 2 years later and have a second child on the way 4 years after that. My point being, sometimes, being on the edge of making a decision about whether you are with the right person and are going to stay with this person for happily-ever-after can sometimes be so hard to make that it can make you question everything in a relationship especially if teamed up with other external factors. Many couples split up and then get back together for the long-haul. I would say give him some space and see how it goes.

And although you were together for 10 years, you are still both relatively young...

miss_edith

I really sympathise with you. I'm going through a very hard time with my boyfriend at the moment too, he is not even prepared to speak to me face to face yet.
I just wondered if maybe your boyfriend could speak to a counselor about his feelings. I suffer from anxiety (which has caused the problems with boyfriend) and it affects my relationships with everyone as I panic and get confused about issues. Its just a suggestion as its easy to hide it away instead of admitting to it and asking for help. His answers and explanations sound so similar to ways in which I think when it gets hold of me.

Pee

You sound so down. (Not surprisingly.)

Do something for you, something to cheer you up and make you feel special.

Be nice to yourself.

MadMac_2

Oh hun, have a dodgy hug :grouphug:

Are you really sure he knows you feel as bad as this? Because it could just be that hidden down he is feeling the same, he just won't admit it.

Hope your day improves, x

BrownCow_2

I've spoken with my boss (she's wonderful) and decided that keeping the lines of communication open is important, my mum also agrees with this.
I know that everyone isn't going to agree with me but I've just spoken to him (I phoned him) to see if he's ok, if his parents are OK and his dog too. I know that I'm not living in a fairytale and if I wait for him to make the first move it just won't happen. I didn't bring up any of the 'old' issues and problems we've been talking about for months, and do you know what, it just felt right. He was pleased to hear from me and I don't expect anything more at the moment.
I'm keeping the door open, partly so he know what he's missing, and to start with the 'clean slate' we need if we can go from here. I feel better for having spoken to him, and right now that's good

Dinah93

I'm glad you feel happier, but I just can't help thinking that if he isn't prepared to fight for you, and a week later is still working out what he wants, this man is only going to keep hurting you. While you've had 2 storys of break ups that went on to get back together, I bet every poster on here can tell you of several that have happened to them and their friends where they felt just like this, but didn't work it out, but are happier in the long run.

My best friend was in exactly this position in January, 3 months later he was still working out what he wanted, but by that point she had realised she was worth a lot more than to waste her life with someone who wasn't certain about her, and she broke it off.

BrownCow_2

Thanks Dinah
I know exactly where you're coming from. I want to be stronger and realise that I'm worth more and could be better off without him (if things don't work out) but right now I'm not. Right now I'm finding myself in a pit of despair and tears and just hearing his voice and having a friendly normal chat has made me 100% better and different to before I spoke with him.
I know everyone won't agree with what I've chosen to do this morning, but I want to keep the door open and the lines of communication going - if I need to hear his voice I will do so. It felt *right*
I really do want to be stronger and I need this month (ish) apart to have new experiences and treat myself nicely, and I'm hoping that these new experiences will make me stronger and more able to deal with things I don't necessarily want to deal with.

Pee

That is very true, with him or without him you will be alright and however unlikely it seems at the moment, you will be happy again.

How important are the issues of commitment, marriage and children? Are they things that you want?