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Would you break the law to protect your child?
Comments
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The more I think about this situation, the more its not tallying (sp) up!
Why would you NOT get the police involved?
How could you even consider allowing your DD to stay there overnight again?
Why are you NOT kicking up a fuss about your 7yr DD who has been sexually assaulted?
That bright and confident little girl you talk about above will not be bright and confident for much longer if you make her stay there again! How will she be able to trust YOU, if you put her in an unsafe place which she has confided in you to tell?
SS would never tell you not to talk to her about it as she doesnt seem effected by it! If she wants and needs to talk about it, then it can be done in the way of a statement and a police report filed.
I am sure there is a lot more to this story and we are not being told the full facts!
But for the record....YES, I would break the law to make sure my daughter is safe. If you allow your DD to stay there again and anything happens to her again, then it will be your fault!...Sorry, but thats how I feel.
Any judge would be happy to listen to the 7yr and I am pretty sure they wouldnt allow overnight visits. Most dads dont get overnight visits and thats with NO accusations.
As I have said twice before, offer to stay local in a B&B with your DD and allow the father to spend the day with her, so there are no overnight visits and stipulate that the child not be left alone with the boy. This can be drafted by a solicitor and signed by the courts.
PPTo repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,requires brains!FEB GC/DIESEL £200/4 WEEKS0 -
An arrangement is now in place and the boy is not to have any contact with her ,the overnight stays will take place at her grandmother's house in Scotland where the boy does not visit.
We were told not to discuss it with her as it would come over as leading a child apparently social services are not allowed to ask her directly what happened for the same reason she is allowed to tell but only if she starts the subject her self0 -
An arrangement is now in place and the boy is not to have any contact with her ,the overnight stays will take place at her grandmother's house in Scotland where the boy does not visit.
We were told not to discuss it with her as it would come over as leading a child apparently social services are not allowed to ask her directly what happened for the same reason she is allowed to tell but only if she starts the subject her self
That arrangement happened very quickly when no charges have been placed or gone to the police!
It would only come over as leading if charges were actually being pressed and statements had been made etc, so in your case, this would not be relevant.
Anyway, I wish the little girl well and a very happy future!
PP
xxTo repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,requires brains!FEB GC/DIESEL £200/4 WEEKS0 -
An arrangement is now in place and the boy is not to have any contact with her ,the overnight stays will take place at her grandmother's house in Scotland where the boy does not visit.
We were told not to discuss it with her as it would come over as leading a child apparently social services are not allowed to ask her directly what happened for the same reason she is allowed to tell but only if she starts the subject her self
Sue - this is still completely unacceptable.
This girl is a victim of sexual abuse. Are you seriously saying that the monther is happy to even let her out of her sight with that side of the family after what happened?
This whole thing does not make any sense whatsoever.
As for telling you what you can or can not discuss with your own child - sorry but who exactly told you this?!"One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »Why would you NOT get the police involved?
How could you even consider allowing your DD to stay there overnight again?
Why are you NOT kicking up a fuss about your 7yr DD who has been sexually assaulted?
PP
Whilst I appreciate everyone's comments I don't think you realise that it is not as simple as you seem to think it is. We have been fighting against a system that for the best part of two years has refused to listen to us and believe me we have tried everything only to be blanked out and ignored. I am fighting against a system where mothers do keep their children away from their fathers for no valid reason so when you have a geniuine reason (as I do) you tend to get grouped with those malicious mothers....We have tried everything.
At the end of the day there is a PSO in place stating he is not permitted to have the half brother anywhere near my DD, I am not happy but there is not a lot more I can do. Apparently not trusting my Ex not to break this order is not enough, its not a compelling enough reason, that came from my own barrister.....OK what else am I meant to do?
I did my dissertation on fathers rights and my research has shown that judges are getting tougher on mothers who break contact orders, they have more means of enforcing them......What good would me ending up in prison or having a fine I can't pay do my DD in the long run?
Do you not think I am terrified of what might happen should he break that order? But like I said before I have been told I must "take a leap of faith" no matter what my feelings towards my ex are......because of the belief that its in my DD's best interests that she see her father the system is heavily weighted against me. How am I meant to fight that with no money or the necessary knowledge?
And yes, I could go to the police but my DD will not talk about it with anyone but us, we have tried and tried but we cannot hold her down and force her to make a statement. Do you not think it breaks my heart to see the pictures she drew of the incident.
Unfortunately, judges tend to use the child's welfare consideration as a reason for granting a father his rights whilst mine and my DDs have been completely ignored....
Please tell me just what I am meant to do?0 -
We know she is the victim and if you look at the time that I posted it is of great worry to me we have no choice in agreeing to what the courts say ,to say we are unhappy is an understatement and it is social services and caffcass that say we are not allowed to discuss the issue with the grandddaughter if she brings it up herself fair that is different ,we were warned in court that it was strange that she has been telling us things 2 years later after the initial can I tell you my secret and it was infured that we were leading her ,we seem to be up against it and to protect a little girl from further harm it is us that are on in the dock ,as for the police if my granddaughter will not speak to them and she will not there is no witness and there fore no proof and so it is our word against a father who says it did not happen .0
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It is an awful situation. Does the child want to go on the visits? If not, then I am sorry but I would feel it necessary to GENTLY point out to her that mummy and grandma cannot stop them unless she is a brave girl and speaks to the police about it.
Other than that she could be "ill" when the time comes for the visit.....if she is upset and doesnt want to go, take her to the doctors, get a medicalopinion to say she is unfit to travel. Enlist the help of your doctor. I am afraid you are going to have to use every trick in the book to keep her away, short of actually saying no.0 -
Notsosharp wrote: »Please tell me just what I am meant to do?
Go up to Scotland with her and don't let her out of your sight with this family.
Giving him access doesn't have to mean that you, or someone you 100% trust is not there does it?
It's not that you are wanting to stop contact with her father after all.
Edited to say: Sorry I'm confused - you are saying that you have done everything that you possibly can, so does that mean that you did report this to the police? As I thought earlier you were saying that you haven't?
Surely a criminal investigation is what should have been happening in the first place? If you had that, would you still be having these problems you are facing now? (I'm asking as I genuinely don't know?)"One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
as for the police if my granddaughter will not speak to them and she will not there is no witness and there fore no proof and so it is our word against a father who says it did not happen .
With all due respect, there are people working within the police who are far, far more qualified to make this judgement than you.
Do you really think that they are going to sit a 6 year old child "in the dock" to accuse her half brother of sexual abuse?
You need to report this to the police. If you don't, then you really haven't done "all you can" to protect her.
In fact, I'd go as far to say you're doing what you can to brush it under the carpet."One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
I personally do understand what you are going through!
By PSO, do you mean a Public Safety Order or a Prohibited Steps Order
.....How did you manage either if the boy hasnt been investigated by the police or a report made?
You state that you have studied and have a degree in Law, but I dont see much evidence of this is any of your postings. Throughout your law degree you would have had access to much more information that any "normal" person would have with regards to rights and laws etc.
Is there not a professor at your Uni that could advise you, or at least point you in the right direction for accurate legal cousel. Could you not do more HW and defend yourself?
You say you have no knowledge, yet you are a law graduate
Of course you cant strap her down and force her to talk to someone but in another post your mum stated that your DD is willing to chat about the assaults willingly?
If you had pressed charges or at least reported it, you would know that there are many specialised people that are used in these exact situations to draw out accurate info from minors. This usually involves anatomical dolls, which I am sure your DD would be fine with, if she is open with you.
TBH, the more I read this thread, the more angry I am getting and I am NOT an angry person!
This is YOUR baby....it is YOUR duty to protect her!
(1)Report the assaults to your local Police
(2)Allow your DD to chat with the "qualified" CPU
(3)Find PROPER legal counsel
(4)Let your legal counsel know the above and give ref number
(5)Praise your DD for being so brave
Thats just for starters.
PPTo repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,requires brains!FEB GC/DIESEL £200/4 WEEKS0
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