Would you break the law to protect your child?

1sue23

BallandChain thank you for your comments and support ,the boy is his biological son ,his mother handed him to his father when he was 3 just packed a bag and left him ,never contacted him even when he was very poorly in hospital ,he was a very lost and sad child who has never received help and yes what he has done is awful but I can not help but have a certain amount of sorrow for what is at the end of the day another damaged child through no fault of his own ,my daughter lived with the boy for a few years and treated him as her own and was heartbroken to leave him behind but had no choice ,his father was having an affair while my daughter was expecting his child the affair had lasted 2 years ,my daughter worked days and he worked nights while my daughter worked during the day he was living with his mistress in the house his son even found them in bed together so she had n o choice other than to walk away.

poet123

You sound really compassionate towards the boy,and that really does you credit. As you obviously realise he is a product of his upbringing. I would be questioning where he learned this behaviour, and not discounting his father has some other hidden secrets. It is an awful situation and not an easy thing to resolve. As I see it you can refuse contact until you are assured the boy will not be present, so you need cast iron assurances of where the boy will be, an address and the name of who will be in charge of him before you allow your GD to go up to Scotland.

Penny-Pincher!!

I know of a case where the victim had turned 19 when she went to the police and the "sexual touchings" had started when she was around 3 and happened on a few occasions after. The abuser (male) was 15 when he started, he had lost his mother to cancer and a loved pet in the year before. When it went to court the victim was 20 and the abuser 32. He was still taken to court and received 180hrs community service and listed on the sex offenders list, even though it was many years after.

After what you have said, I would reason and negotiate that you dont mind him seeing his daughter, but NOT overnight. Surely he would agree with this if he was a half decent dad and put the childs feelings first. Maybe offer to stay locally with her as I said before.

Under NO circumstances can this child be left with the boy!

I dont know what else to suggest other than the above and get other legal counsel. Maybe a family solicitor or one with experiance in this type of situation.

I wish you all the best.

PP
xx

BallandChain

poet123 wrote: »

You sound really compassionate towards the boy,and that really does you credit. As you obviously realise he is a product of his upbringing. I would be questioning where he learned this behaviour, and not discounting his father has some other hidden secrets. It is an awful situation and not an easy thing to resolve. As I see it you can refuse contact until you are assured the boy will not be present, so you need cast iron assurances of where the boy will be, an address and the name of who will be in charge of him before you allow your GD to go up to Scotland.

I was thinking the same thing but wouldn't have worded it as eloquently as you. It is very worrying that the father beats the boy and on that alone he should be investigated. I think there may be more to this that hasn't surfaced yet and I hope both children get the help they need.

Please keep us posted on the latest 1sue23. I hope that the situation can resolve itself with the right help.

Notsosharp

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

After what you have said, I would reason and negotiate that you dont mind him seeing his daughter, but NOT overnight. Surely he would agree with this if he was a half decent dad and put the childs feelings first. Maybe offer to stay locally with her as I said before.

Thats the problem, he isn't a half way decent dad, he is not even a quarter of the way there!It's his way and no one else's. The thing thats making me really really angry is that he has just walked into court with his demands and walked away with what he wanted. The guy is a complete idiot! Your typical example of little man syndrome! We have tried and tried to reason with him but nothing doing, even AFTER the judge says that there was a distinct possibility this had happened he is refusing to acknowledge it......and I am meant to send her up there when he sat there in court and said that they should still be able to meet each other!

MrsE_2

1sue23 wrote: »

The boy has denied the accusations .
We have not pressed charges because we have been to told by the courts that it would be to traumatic for my granddaughter .
The boy does have problems and is a very sad and immature teen who suffers from depression .
As a teen who is already suffering depression how would my granddaughter feel if the accusations were to tip him over the edge and this is a possibility .
What we wanted was the father to accept that there was a problem and to get help for the boy it is his care along with the boys mother that has made a very unhappy young teen ,the boy needs help and my granddaughter needs protecting and the only way in the long term is to not allow contact away from my granddaughters home town that way we can be sure that she is protected .
I am going to go and get more legal advice and see if there is anymore that we can do.

Its not your granddaughters accusations, its this little perverts actions

MrsE_2

1sue23 wrote: »

We are far from calm my daughter has not slept because of the worry ,there is an incident number and it is logged with the police but my granddaughter when asked about it will say I do not want to talk about it and changes the subject ,we know it happened 5 year old do not make things up like this ,and after it happened when she returned home she was bed wetting ,would not be alone in the toilet and was wanting to use the toilet often sometimes every 10 mins ,she became very clingy and tearful and only wanted to sleep with her mother,.

I'm not trying to scare you, but more may have gone on than your GD can tell you or is able to tell you, or is not embarrassed to tell you.
So for this very reason you need to kick up the biggest stink every.
No matter how tough a life he has had, it doesn't excuse him preying sexually on 5 year olds.

1sue23

MrsE wrote: »

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I'm not trying to scare you, but more may have gone on than your GD can tell you or is able to tell you, or is not embarrassed to tell you.
So for this very reason you need to kick up the biggest stink every.
No matter how tough a life he has had, it doesn't excuse him preying sexually on 5 year olds.

My granddaughter has told us everything she is very bright and confident and not in the least bit nervous in speaking to us and so I am sure it did not go any further ,the worrying thing to me is that she can remember the smallest details right down to the colour of the bedding and what she did that week ,we were told not to ask her about it by the social workers and caffcass because they said it had not affected her ,but she wants to speak about it and I am not going to stop her I think it helps her to deal with it and sheknows that she can tell us anything, which given what happened can only be a good thing.

MrsE_2

1sue23 wrote: »

My granddaughter has told us everything she is very bright and confident and not in the least bit nervous in speaking to us and so I am sure it did not go any further ,the worrying thing to me is that she can remember the smallest details right down to the colour of the bedding and what she did that week ,we were told not to ask her about it by the social workers and caffcass because they said it had not affected her ,but she wants to speak about it and I am not going to stop her I think it helps her to deal with it and sheknows that she can tell us anything, which given what happened can only be a good thing.

I really do hope you are right.

However I still would be bringing the police & charges into this.

McKneff

I still cant believe that the police have not been involved.
What on earth are you thinking of.
Sod him, sod everybody. Get it sorted. This little girl has been sexually assaulted !!!!!!.
What is she going to think when she grows up about you not giving her the support she needs now.
It is incredulous that you are still making excuses for not going to the police.