Would you break the law to protect your child?

Penny-Pincher!!

1sue23 wrote: »

We have been to the police ,but it is not as easy as it seems it happened over 2 years ago and as my granddaughter was only just 5 at the time it would be very difficult for the police to make a case now ..

Who told you this as it is total rubbish!

I helped with a case when the victim was now 19 and the abuse happened when she was 3-12 years old.

Your barrister has caused more harm than good and you need to look for new legal counsel.

A few questions:

(1)Have you pressed charges?
(2)Has the boy denied the accusations?
(3)Has the boy any learning disabilities or history of inapropriate behaviour?

Does your DD have to stay overnight with him? Could you not stay in a B&B with her and allow him access through the day, thus avoiding the bedroom situation?

If it was me.....cut the middle man out and get directly in contact with your local CPU....they will listen and advise you...I promise!

His behaviour will escalate as he now knows he can get away with it.

You need to kick up as much fuss as possible.

PP
xx

1sue23

The boy has denied the accusations .
We have not pressed charges because we have been to told by the courts that it would be to traumatic for my granddaughter .
The boy does have problems and is a very sad and immature teen who suffers from depression .
As a teen who is already suffering depression how would my granddaughter feel if the accusations were to tip him over the edge and this is a possibility .
What we wanted was the father to accept that there was a problem and to get help for the boy it is his care along with the boys mother that has made a very unhappy young teen ,the boy needs help and my granddaughter needs protecting and the only way in the long term is to not allow contact away from my granddaughters home town that way we can be sure that she is protected .
I am going to go and get more legal advice and see if there is anymore that we can do.

Zazen999

1sue23 wrote: »

The boy has denied the accusations .
We have not pressed charges because we have been to told by the courts that it would be to traumatic for my granddaughter .
The boy does have problems and is a very sad and immature teen who suffers from depression .
As a teen who is already suffering depression how would my granddaughter feel if the accusations were to tip him over the edge and this is a possibility .
What we wanted was the father to accept that there was a problem and to get help for the boy it is his care along with the boys mother that has made a very unhappy young teen ,the boy needs help and my granddaughter needs protecting and the only way in the long term is to not allow contact away from my granddaughters home town that way we can be sure that she is protected .
I am going to go and get more legal advice and see if there is anymore that we can do.

Ok, so the father is not accepting that there is a problem, so you need to take it further another way.

I hope the quote in bold doesn't mean what I think it means; your priority should be your GD - your very young GD - not the 13 yr old lad.

You really need proper expert advice on this - I'm not convinced you have been advised properly so far - and nobody on an internet forum is really in a position to advise you further.

Good luck, I really hope you get it sorted.

freyasmum

Zazen999 wrote: »

Ok, so the father is not accepting that there is a problem, so you need to take it further another way.

I hope the quote in bold doesn't mean what I think it means; your priority should be your GD - your very young GD - not the 13 yr old lad.

You really need proper expert advice on this - I'm not convinced you have been advised properly so far - and nobody on an internet forum is really in a position to advise you further.

Good luck, I really hope you get it sorted.

I totally agree with everything in this post.

Your concern should be for your grandaughter, the boy definitely needs help, but you need to protect the wee one.

I hope things work out for you.

Penny-Pincher!!

1sue23 wrote: »

The boy has denied the accusations .
We have not pressed charges because we have been to told by the courts that it would be to traumatic for my granddaughter .
The boy does have problems and is a very sad and immature teen who suffers from depression .
As a teen who is already suffering depression how would my granddaughter feel if the accusations were to tip him over the edge and this is a possibility .
What we wanted was the father to accept that there was a problem and to get help for the boy it is his care along with the boys mother that has made a very unhappy young teen ,the boy needs help and my granddaughter needs protecting and the only way in the long term is to not allow contact away from my granddaughters home town that way we can be sure that she is protected .
I am going to go and get more legal advice and see if there is anymore that we can do.

Thank you for replying.

At the end of the day, your GD has been sexually assaulted on maybe numerous occasions and she is a young minor. She has to be priority and she shouldnt have guilt laid on her if you pressed charges.

TBH, I am shocked that no charges have been pressed when this accusation is so serious! How does your GD feel about nobody acting on what she has told you?

We always advised victims or their families if too young themselves to press charges.

We dont give children enough credit and they are very resilient. I always found that parents or family members found it much harder to deal with than a young child.

What about my questions about the mother staying with the child and allowing the father access through the day, so no night visits?

I've already said that you need to kick up a fuss for your GD's sake!

PP

KellyWelly

1sue23 wrote: »

The boy has denied the accusations .
We have not pressed charges because we have been to told by the courts that it would be to traumatic for my granddaughter .

It would be more traumatic for your daughter to be sexually assaulted, again.

1sue23

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

Thank you for replying.

At the end of the day, your GD has been sexually assaulted on maybe numerous occasions and she is a young minor. She has to be priority and she shouldnt have guilt laid on her if you pressed charges.

TBH, I am shocked that no charges have been pressed when this accusation is so serious! How does your GD feel about nobody acting on what she has told you?

We always advised victims or their families if too young themselves to press charges.

We dont give children enough credit and they are very resilient. I always found that parents or family members found it much harder to deal with than a young child.

What about my questions about the mother staying with the child and allowing the father access through the day, so no night visits?

I've already said that you need to kick up a fuss for your GD's sake!

PP

The granddaughter was not touched more like he asked her to engage in certain acts which thank goodness she did not do ,in her words "I told him I was to little and he was older "What he did was terrible and he exposed himself often waking her up by getting into bed with her unclothed. but she appears to not be over concerned she knows that she can talk to us and is very open about it .
As for the visits, what you suggest was put to the court but the father was not happy with this and the court agreed along the lines of she needs to be in contact with her extended family they are important to her ,A little strange in our view considering that they have not spoken to her in over 6 years and showed no interest even when she lived just a few miles away only visiting once .
She is fond of her half brother and until this happened she was close to him and the problem is she speaks of him with fondness when asked by caffcass ,she is a little to young to understand what could have happened and when we ask her what she would do now she will say I would hit him and tell my dad ,before this the father had contact about 3 times a year and hardly ever phones, he has also never paid any money to help my daughter
because he is a law student and students do not have to contribute .

1sue23

I feel so upset for my daughter she tries so hard and has made a lovely home for my grandchild she works and has just finished a degree so that she can improve her future ,she walked away from the relationship with nothing and had to start again ,he kept the flat and all that was in it ,all she wants is to protect her child and wants the best for her but it seems his rights are more important than the safety of a small child he has never been denied contact and yes it is important ,my granddaughter wants a dad and loves him very much ,all my daughter wants is for the risks to be taken into account and I do not think this is a lot to ask .

Paparika

oh for gods sake just keep pestering the police until they take notice, contact the press if you need to, the father 'the big i am' has let you think he can get away with anything, for all you know he could be part of a peado ring, call childline call them all, shout louder than him, yes the DD/GD will be questioned, but let this carry on and that 13 year old is going to get in trouble, the finger will be pointed at him when he has his own issues, so get off these forums dithering and start shouting the loudest.

poet123

I think you have tried all the softly softly approaches. I would be down at the Police Station this afternoon making a statement. It will not be pleasant, but although she has not been assaulted yet, you cannot guarantee this will not happen. No way would any child of mine be put through that scenario, without me shouting it from the rooftops.

You need to make a formal police complaint, and let them take it from there.