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Would you break the law to protect your child?
Notsosharp
Posts: 2,737 Forumite
Hi, I just wanted peoples opinions really...
On Thursday I am going to court for a hearing concerning something that happened the last time my DD went up to visit her father in Scotland. About three months after she came back (before she was due to go again) she told my Dad that her half brother who was 13 at the time had exposed a certain erect part of himself to her and then got into bed with her to "cuddle". Apparently this happened almost every night she was there....
This hearing is to decide whether or not this "disclosure" took place, its not even a hearing to decide if the actual incident took place but I don't want to get started on my feelings about the whole damn system!
Basically if its found this disclosure didn't take place then basically my whole family has been lying and my ex gets to take my DD up to Scotland.....if this disclosure didn't take place then there is no need for the judge to make a prohibited steps order to prevent my dd's half brother from being alone with her....
NO ONE has listened to us all the way throught, not the CAFCASS officer, not SS not anyone...I feel really really frustrated and feel if the system cannor protect my child then I am going to have to....
I am well aware of the eventual consequences for breaking contact:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1742357
And I know eventually I could have DD taken off me to give residence to my EX but I don't know what else to do....I can't send her up there to potentially be abused again......so I am thinking that potentially I will have to refuse to agree to contact in Scotland though he can always come and visit her down here.#
Before anyone says anything I am not one of these mothers who makes up things nor have I EVER denied contact to my ex. To give you an example of how much he cares at the last directions hearing he said he was going to come and see DD during the half term...when it came to it he didn't because he said: he didn't have time or money and besides which DDs step bro was at school. Fair enough I thought, only to be told by my DD when he called and spoke to her that he was in Turkey for two weeks and she was happy because he was going to give her a present when he got back. I didn't say anything, what can you say when faced with such breath taking stupidity? But its just an example of how little he actually cares, I strongly believe this whole court thing is nothing to do with getting contact with his DD, he can have that whenever he wants, I have never stopped him but instead its about getting me back under his control....but again no one has listened....
What would you do, would you let her go or break the law?
On Thursday I am going to court for a hearing concerning something that happened the last time my DD went up to visit her father in Scotland. About three months after she came back (before she was due to go again) she told my Dad that her half brother who was 13 at the time had exposed a certain erect part of himself to her and then got into bed with her to "cuddle". Apparently this happened almost every night she was there....
This hearing is to decide whether or not this "disclosure" took place, its not even a hearing to decide if the actual incident took place but I don't want to get started on my feelings about the whole damn system!
Basically if its found this disclosure didn't take place then basically my whole family has been lying and my ex gets to take my DD up to Scotland.....if this disclosure didn't take place then there is no need for the judge to make a prohibited steps order to prevent my dd's half brother from being alone with her....
NO ONE has listened to us all the way throught, not the CAFCASS officer, not SS not anyone...I feel really really frustrated and feel if the system cannor protect my child then I am going to have to....
I am well aware of the eventual consequences for breaking contact:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1742357
And I know eventually I could have DD taken off me to give residence to my EX but I don't know what else to do....I can't send her up there to potentially be abused again......so I am thinking that potentially I will have to refuse to agree to contact in Scotland though he can always come and visit her down here.#
Before anyone says anything I am not one of these mothers who makes up things nor have I EVER denied contact to my ex. To give you an example of how much he cares at the last directions hearing he said he was going to come and see DD during the half term...when it came to it he didn't because he said: he didn't have time or money and besides which DDs step bro was at school. Fair enough I thought, only to be told by my DD when he called and spoke to her that he was in Turkey for two weeks and she was happy because he was going to give her a present when he got back. I didn't say anything, what can you say when faced with such breath taking stupidity? But its just an example of how little he actually cares, I strongly believe this whole court thing is nothing to do with getting contact with his DD, he can have that whenever he wants, I have never stopped him but instead its about getting me back under his control....but again no one has listened....
What would you do, would you let her go or break the law?
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Comments
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I don't understand.
Why would you have your daughter taken off you?
What makes you think that this would ever be an option?"One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
How old is your daughter?I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has had to overcome while trying to succeed. Booker T Washington
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I don't understand.
Why would you have your daughter taken off you?
What makes you think that this would ever be an option?
Because there have been cases where the mother has constantly broken contact orders and because of this residence was transfered to the father...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2007/jul/16/children
Thats why I am so worried, no one is listening to me....
DD is seven now....0 -
yes i would do anything to protect my daughter from having to go through anyting like that. a child at 7 in my eyes would never come out with such a thing if it had not happend.
i think its disgusting that noone is listening to you and can understand how distressed you are. if things dont go well can you not tell him you want contact to be supervised? i would go to the papers, scream and shout until someone heard me.
good luck i hope all turns out well xWhat's for you won't go past you0 -
you have reason to believe she wouldnt be safe. job done.Target Savings by end 2009: 20,000
current savings: 20,500 (target hit yippee!)
Debts: 8000 (student loan so doesnt count)
new target savings by Feb 2010: 30,0000 -
Why weren't the police involved? Why is it going down the path of family court etc?
And to answer your question - YES I would 'break the law' in this instance. There is no way I would send my daughter back to the home of her abuser. If anyone had anything to say about that I would be getting the backing of the police, social services, anyone who would listen and support me. I would also be going to the press - they won't identify your daughter as a minor and if nobody else The Daily Mail (ergh) would love that story - officialdom supporting sexual abuse? They'd be on it like flies on carp.0 -
I can understand your frustration in trying to protect your child and i am with you every step of the way.
However, it is very very unlikely that your child would be taken away.
Defying court orders like this is done on a daily basis by thousands of parents and absolutley nothing is done except being hauled back to court, smacked on the wrist and told not to do it again. So the cycle begins again.
I wouldnt worry about it. Protecting my child both physically and mentally would be my priority (as is yours) full stop.make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
and we will never, ever return.0 -
As mothers our natural instinct is to protect our children. Seven is so young, but I think you need to do everything within the law to protect her - if not you will be always looking over your shoulder and living from one day to the next.
Have you seen a solicitor to advise you on your rights etc. This would be the first step I would persue.
I don't have much advice to give you on this one, except be stong, determined and fight this every step of the way. Good luck.I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has had to overcome while trying to succeed. Booker T Washington
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I can understand your frustration in trying to protect your child and i am with you every step of the way.
However, it is very very unlikely that your child would be taken away.
Defying court orders like this is done on a daily basis by thousands of parents and absolutley nothing is done except being hauled back to court, smacked on the wrist and told not to do it again. So the cycle begins again.
I wouldnt worry about it. Protecting my child both physically and mentally would be my priority (as is yours) full stop.
I agree, I would do anything to protect my child from her stepbrother if i were in your shoes. (incidentally I would question where he learnt such behaviour) the worry for me would be that if heaven forbid he tried to take it a step further you would never forgive yourself, i think you are right to be cautious0 -
i would ring child protection hun and report it you sound like a great mum take care0
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