Would you break the law to protect your child?

xmaslolly76

Dont protect the lad no matter what your feelings on the matter, How many times have we read in the paper about parents and social services not disclosing these things only for the teenager when older to go out and commit worse crimes that totally destroy peoples lives. He needs help now and your daughter needs protecting from him. As others have said if the courts wont listen go to the police if you have no joy there hit the papers they would revel in stuff like this and you would get the backing you need to make sure your daughter is safe.

Good luck in what ever you decide to do as a mother myself there is no way i would allow my daughter to go back there.

1sue23

chattycathy1674 wrote: »

If they believe contact is so important...and due to the seriousness of what has happened....
Why didn't they have the father come down to visit? Obviously, he would need to make his own arrangements for his overnight/s stay....but your child wouldn't be staying overnight with him then. He would have his contact during the day. On your stomping ground etc..
Surely he would be agreeable (and the courts/whoever) if contact is so important to him?
I know this doesn't deal with what has happened, but it seems like an obvious happy medium until things are finalised??

He has always had contact here, we only stopped contact in his home when we found out what had happened ,it was the father that took it to court as he wanted contact in his home where he lives with his son ,he does not believe it happened as his son said that it did not ,the court has now agreed to this so long as his son is not left with my granddaughter ,but the fact that he does not believe it happens in the first place we wonder just how protective he will be.

c_l_a_i_r_e

I take it you agreed to contact with the fathers barrister, rather than the court itself actually making a ruling ordering contact? If you were not happy with the contact i can't understand why you agreed to it. From the sounds of it you were unrepresented at court and tbh in a case with allegations this serious you really need to have the benefit of legal advice. Seek legal advice first thing Monday morning, its not too late to try and implement an alternative arrangement but you really need to be proactive about this. I apologise if i've read this wrong and you were represented but this is the impression i got from reading your post.

bandraoi

It didn't go well at all, both my mum and I were basically shouted down by the barrister. She said that not trusing my ex not to break any Prohibited Steps Order was not a "complelling" enough reason for contact NOT to be ordered in Scotland, she said I would have to make a "leap of faith" some day......and she basically said that she would advise me to let him have contact in Scotland provided the half brother wasn't there....

So I basically got steam rollered into agreeing for him to have contact in Scotland after a few overnight visits here (three in total), she said if I broke this order I could end up in prison.....

There's your get out clause right there. You don't have to send her to Scotland unless you know that he won't be there. You're not breaking any order if your ex can't prove unequivocally that he won't be there.

1sue23

I think a big part of the problem is that my daughter is very quite and shy ,the barrister had her in tears shouting at her ,the father has had a private education and comes across as very articulate and polite and people seem to be taken in by this .
They do not see the other side of him I also have some sympathy with the boy concerned although what he did was terrible his father treats him as a second class citizen has never treated him well he has very low self esteem and suffers from depression having been left by his own mother in her own words I do not want him here is his bag and that was that ,his father then put his own needs first has never taken the boy on day trips or on holiday but treats my granddaughter like a little princess holidays ,days out, and gifts ,he is then beaten with a belt by his father in front of my granddaughter and left sobbing in a locked room social services are well aware of this and the only help given was parenting classes for his dad , what about a vulnerable child who is crying out for help ,I contacted child protection hoping that help would be given to the boy but no one has even bothered to speak to him I feel he needs help and compassion and not more punishment the one at fault here is the father and if he had shown more care and more love for a young boy none of this would have happened .

McKneff

You are a very tolerant lady and my heart goes out to you.
But i would still say a big fat NO' !!!!!!, she may be raped next time.
I would rather risk prison (and thats very unlikely) than put her through the threat of that, as I'm sure you would too.

c_l_a_i_r_e

1sue23 wrote: »

I think a big part of the problem is that my daughter is very quite and shy ,the barrister had her in tears shouting at her ,the father has had a private education and comes across as very articulate and polite and people seem to be taken in by this .

This is exactly why your daughter needs legal representation, so that someone experienced and objective can act in the child's best interests. Instead of asking strangers on the internet whether you should break a contact order please seek legal advice as to whether the order in place is the most appropriate one for the child's circumstances.

Notsosharp

c_l_a_i_r_e wrote: »

This is exactly why your daughter needs legal representation, so that someone experienced and objective can act in the child's best interests. Instead of asking strangers on the internet whether you should break a contact order please seek legal advice as to whether the order in place is the most appropriate one for the child's circumstances.

I did have legal representation, the barrister was MINE, my Ex was representing himself! The barrister made it seem as though I did not have a choice in the matter, she said that I could not stand up in front of a judge and say "I am not going to obey any order you make"

And she had a point, but the whole point of contempt of court is because you have shown your disrespect for its rulings and therefore you must be punished......How am I meant to have respect for an institiution that has paid no heed to my wishes and feelings at all, never mind my DD's.

I know I should not have but I sent my Ex a text (I was extremely angry and upset at the time) asking him Yes or NO, Did it happen? So far I have had no reply. My gut feeling is that he WILL NEVER admit it happened and if he cannot do that how can he protect her from harm.

Whats making me even more angry is that no one listened, we are talking about a man who locks a five year old together in a room with an already disturbed 13 year old. He gives them two rules:

1. Not to leave the bedroom under any circe
2. Don't go to the bathroom..

The 13 then uses these rules to ensure that my DD cannot leave the room to tell her father whats happening. My Barrister was like "oh well you can't blame the father for the abuse occuring, he did not do it" And I thought well hang on, if I had put a disturbed 13 year old in that situation with a five year old it would be my fault, it was an extemely irresponsible thing to do. I was going to point out that SS recommend that children of the opposite sex should not be put in the same room after ten but I could not be sure of the exact wording or where indeed it said that.

Not only that the last time my DD was there the Ex actually got a belt from the wardrobe and hit the thirteen year old across the backside with it "like a horsewhip" (my DD's words)

So the more I think about it the more I am leaning towards not obeying the order, BUT if I end up in prison where do you think my DD would end up? At his house, thats where.....

dotstar24

please go to the police. How will your daughter feel when she's older and knows you didnt do absolutley EVERYTHING in your power to stop her going back there. a 13 yr old boy has abused your daughter. he is not your responsibility, she is.
Becki x

bandraoi

Get a new barrister.