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Would you break the law to protect your child?

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  • carolinosourus
    carolinosourus Posts: 1,048 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I would suggest that you report this matter to the police, otherwise I doubt anything will be done. Also if it's reported then you'll have a much steadier leg to stand on in regards to your daughter not visiting your ex.
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  • Dizie
    Dizie Posts: 70 Forumite
    Sorry if you've already been down this road, but I just looked on the citizens advice bureaux site and found this -
    http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/f_child_abuse.pdf

    On the 2nd page, it mentions reporting things to the NSPCC and that you can do this confidentially. If I were you, I'd give them a call and get their advice - you really do have nothing to lose.

    I'm a Mum too and having read this thread, my heart goes out to you and I'm sharing the replusion at what has happened to you and your DD. Hang in there, give the NSPCC a call and get their free, confidential advice if nothing else, maybe even speak to social services.

    Please do let us know how you get on.

    Hugs to you
  • 1sue23
    1sue23 Posts: 1,788 Forumite
    edited 20 June 2009 at 12:16AM
    I am the grandmother of the child and it was me that she disclosed the incidents to ,it was a little more than just exposure and happened over a period of 6 nights every night ,my granddaughter was 5 at the time she told me that she was woken every night several times by a naked brother asking her to do things ,she tried to tell her father but was prevented from by fear something along the lines of dad will shout at you for leaving the bedroom .I was heartbroken and shocked when in her own words she said 'I closed my eyes very tight and pretended to be asleep but it still happened '.
    I have contacted everyone I can think of but no one is listening it is as if my granddaughter does not have a voice and has no say ,her father does not believe it happened and thinks it is important that contact will resume with her half sibling for her well being .
    I do not blame the boy I feel for him he has had a terrible life his mother packed his bags when he was 3 and sent him to live with his father ,he was then returned to his mother 2 years later and then sent back again ,you would not treat a dog like this ,he has been beaten with a belt and the police were involved because of the marks on his back, caffcass said 'well he is a challenging child'. so folk it is okay to beat children with belts .
    In my view the father was to blame who would put a very unhappy young teen in the same room as a 5 year old sister sharing beds to me irresponsible parenting ,but what do we know apparently life is a risk caffcass words not mine and if it happens again then there will be no more contact ,to me if it happens again it will be to late and the damage will be done ,I have lost my faith in the child protection system and am perplexed as to what can be done.
  • *Louise*
    *Louise* Posts: 9,197 Forumite
    Damn straight I would break the law if it were me - no one would get to abuse my daughter. And if her father didn't listen to her, then he's not good enough to be a father and I would stop her visiting. t would break my heart if my baby had to go through something like that, and I can't even begin to imagine the emotions that are running through the OP.

    Dad's are supposed to protect their little girls, not let them be preyed upon.

    I would phone the police, tell them my daughter has been abused and your reasons for not wanting her to visit. I can't believe a court has allowed a young girl to be put in this danger. That boy sounds as though he has been through a tough time and he needs behavioural help/counselling NOW, before anything escalates further.
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  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I am really struggling with this thread.

    So are the courts saying that the child is lying? Have social services not been involved? or the police?
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • 1sue23
    1sue23 Posts: 1,788 Forumite
    edited 20 June 2009 at 12:49AM
    mrcow wrote: »
    I am really struggling with this thread.

    So are the courts saying that the child is lying? Have social services not been involved? or the police?

    No the courts believe the child ,social services are involved and believe the child ,but we get the line it is important that contact is kept with the extended family, grandparents of the father and it is important that visits are made to them, the problem with this is that the father has care of the boy and so where will he go when these visits take place.We were advised not to involve the police as it would be difficult for my granddaughter to give evidence and I would rather not if I can avoid it make life more difficult for the boy .
    What we did want for the father to have contact freely in the area of my granddaughters home which he has always had without his son being present it was the father that brought the case to the family court because he wanted contact in his own home 200 miles away and shockingly to me, he has now been granted this.
  • JoolzS
    JoolzS Posts: 824 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I'm only guessing here, but the fact you haven't involved the police is perhaps the reason why the civil courts aren't paying enough attention. If a 14 year old boy was abusing (or potentially abusing) my seven year old daughter, then my first call would be to the police. In fact, I find it really bizarre that you haven't reported this to the police - he could be abusing other children and by not reporting what you know, you are basically protecting him. I just don't understand this.

    Julie
  • 1sue23
    1sue23 Posts: 1,788 Forumite
    JoolzS wrote: »
    I'm only guessing here, but the fact you haven't involved the police is perhaps the reason why the civil courts aren't paying enough attention. If a 14 year old boy was abusing (or potentially abusing) my seven year old daughter, then my first call would be to the police. In fact, I find it really bizarre that you haven't reported this to the police - he could be abusing other children and by not reporting what you know, you are basically protecting him. I just don't understand this.

    Julie

    We have been to the police ,but it is not as easy as it seems it happened over 2 years ago and as my granddaughter was only just 5 at the time it would be very difficult for the police to make a case now .It is only recently we have been given the full details of what happened and my granddaughter refuses to talk to anyone else about it she will just reply I don't want to talk about it ,because of this and until she is willing to tell others about it there is very little we can do.
  • ailuro2
    ailuro2 Posts: 7,540 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Go to the policve station , ask them to interview her using one of their specially trained officers and then she will not have to go through it again -
    I know the father of a three, almost four year old, was sent to jail for three years for getting his daughter to touch him - he didn't do anything to her, just got her to touch him, he only served 18 months, but thankfully the family never ever saw him again.

    Not sure how it works when it's another minor abusing the little girl - I say abuse, because that's what it is when it's more than just flashing.IMHO, anyway.

    Try to be less emotional, calm down, write everything down as if it were an outsider looking at the situation. Then fight to have the boy charged.;)

    I would say the outcome is reasonable, and I know you won't like it - DD can only go to Scotland AFTER the father has visited overnight three times, AND the step-brother will not be allowed to be there.

    If he only sees DD occasionally anyway, how likely is he to fulfill these conditions? The courts probably think he'll not meet the conditions and so the visits won't take place, but they wouldn't be allowed to turn round and say that, would they?:confused:
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  • If they believe contact is so important...and due to the seriousness of what has happened....
    Why didn't they have the father come down to visit? Obviously, he would need to make his own arrangements for his overnight/s stay....but your child wouldn't be staying overnight with him then. He would have his contact during the day. On your stomping ground etc..
    Surely he would be agreeable (and the courts/whoever) if contact is so important to him?
    I know this doesn't deal with what has happened, but it seems like an obvious happy medium until things are finalised??
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