Mum's being pushed into making a will

monkeyspanner

Errata wrote: »

JJ - I'm inclined to agree with you about the no will and let intestacy take its course.
A while ago my brother asked me if I'd made one and I told him I hadn't for the pleasure of seeing him turn white at the thought of all the work he'd have to do. None of his business, and I've got one

Yes thinking about it OP's Mum not making a will is probably the best course at the moment. Other than the ongoing nagging.

If money has gone missing during step-sons visit, isn't that theft?

warehouse

I saw this thread when you first posted it and now I've thought about it a little there is one route not mentioned yet.

Perhaps you should consider letting the greedy sod have the lot? Let your mum make the will saying he can have it, let him see it and then forget about it and get on with your life. At least your mum can live out her hopefully many years left in peace. He can get his greedy hands on it and you are at peace.

It's only money, it doesn't bring happiness, as he quite obviously shows.

Tiger_greeneyes

warehouse wrote: »

I saw this thread when you first posted it and now I've thought about it a little there is one route not mentioned yet.

Perhaps you should consider letting the greedy sod have the lot? Let your mum make the will saying he can have it, let him see it and then forget about it and get on with your life. At least your mum can live out her hopefully many years left in peace. He can get his greedy hands on it and you are at peace.

It's only money, it doesn't bring happiness, as he quite obviously shows.

We came to that conclusion the other day - that Mum should make the will and let him have the lot - and hope it chokes him. We're trying to get Mum into a bungalow because her house has lots of problems - damp, poor electrics etc. Once we sell it there won't be a lot left because it needs a complete renovation, it's really not worth much. Because the sale of the house won't allow Mum enough money to buy a bungalow, she will need to be paying rent - I think my stepbrother will have a lot less than he bargained for.

Oh dear, it looks like he'll have to get off his butt and work for a living I guess

monkeyspanner

Tiger_greeneyes wrote: »

We came to that conclusion the other day - that Mum should make the will and let him have the lot - and hope it chokes him. We're trying to get Mum into a bungalow because her house has lots of problems - damp, poor electrics etc. Once we sell it there won't be a lot left because it needs a complete renovation, it's really not worth much. Because the sale of the house won't allow Mum enough money to buy a bungalow, she will need to be paying rent - I think my stepbrother will have a lot less than he bargained for.

Oh dear, it looks like he'll have to get off his butt and work for a living I guess

Encourage your Mum to spend the money on herself once the house is sold. It sounds like she has worked hard and deserves some respite from the harrassment. A nice long cruise (health allowing) will give her a rest from the situation.

Errata

A new bungalow will need floor covering and possibly some new furniture and appliances. Mum could treat herself to the best, and also employ a gardener so all she has to do in her garden is sit and enjoy it.

monkeyspanner

Or use the funds to buy an immediate care needs anuity to supply a good lifetime income and then there will be little or no capital left.

Torby

"Brainwashed" and "browbeaten", if thats true your stepfather and stepbrother are/were scum. If you are her carer, now's the time to remind your mother (gently and sensitively) that blood is thicker than water, who she gave birth to and who is trying to make her life better now in her real time of need.

Make sure she knows, she's under no obligation to make a will, but better if she did, and she's no obligation to favour anyone in the will, if she chooses to make a will you can tell her if she still favours her stepscum over her own flesh and blood, thats her decision, if she wants everything split 3 ways, again thats her decision. If you like you can suggest that she leaves just a little token (piece of jewelry or something special) so you and your brother will always have a fond memory/item close to hand.
But make it clear, her will is private, no one need see it until she passes. Best to be remembered in a will for your own goodness, kindness and love...than be remembered for being a manipulative skiving thieving scumbag.

My wife has been there (not even stepfather/brothers) just a normal family, all the brothers worked, my wife didn't, she waited hand and foot on her father, the youngest brother (apple of eye) took care of daddy's affairs....yeah right....lol...being the only girl, she was practically left nothing, even some family jewelry (not worth much except sentimental value) went to the youngest sons wife...he then tried to fiddle her out of part of her inheritance when finances were being sorted....I told her, let it go, its not worth it, what goes round comes round.

Tiger_greeneyes

My Mum's worked very hard all her life. My father was badly disabled when I was two and I have a younger brother. Mum went off with stepfather (ironically he was my Dad's closest friend) when I was 14 so I took over being my Dad's carer and looked after my little brother, the house etc.

Mum was a nurse - she elected to do night shifts so that me and my brother were at home to look after Dad at night. I think she was very depressed after years of this and looking after the three of us. My stepfather made her an offer she couldn't refuse, I guess.

Mum's always had to 'make do and mend'. My stepbrother spends so much on his cars that his three kids often had no food on the table or lacked items of clothing - so Mum worked hard to care and provide for them.

In the last few weeks, Mum's bought herself a load of new things - four digital phones (one for each room), a new microwave/combi oven/grill, crock pot, toaster and a load of new clothes. She's having a whale of a time. She wants a new tv too - I'm taking her to look at some soon. She's also thinking of buying a mobility scooter. She wants new furnishings when she moves - her current curtains are older than me! It's lovely to see her excitement when a new parcel of clothes turns up, she's like a kid in a sweetshop, bless her!

I can just imagine the blood draining from my stepbrother's face when he sees her with all new things. I doubt that'll happen too soon though, he only ever visited them 2-3 times a year. He lives about ten miles away.

I encouraged my Dad to spend his little bit of savings on himself too, he had a fab time bringing his childhood sweetheart back over from California for the odd holiday.

margaretclare

Good for her. I know very well what a pleasure it is being able to spend a bit of money without feeling guilty or having to account for every penny. Believe it or not, DH and I are better off at this stage of our lives than we ever were during all our working lives, what with families, all the rest of it. And you just do not know what may happen. After our lovely holiday last September driving through Germany following the Rhine valley down to Lake Constance, the following month DH was terribly ill and nearly didn't make it. Here's where we went last week: http://www.ntu.ac.uk/apps/news/85517-8/Awards_ceremony_celebrates_student_work.aspx
The Liz Underhill Memorial Award is the one that I present, and this year we were invited as VIPs, not as parents, so a posh frock for me, one of my David Nieper designer dresses: http://www.davidnieper.co.uk/fashion-boutique/GB/3/filters/0/

I once looked after a lady at home who could hardly move due to her advanced MS. She wore the most beautiful nightdresses - she said it was because her body was so ugly, it was a way of cheering herself up. That was when I was introduced to David Nieper's things and I've worn them ever since. Having nice things around you and to wear really does cheer you up.

Errata

In the last few weeks, Mum's bought herself a load of new things - four digital phones (one for each room), a new microwave/combi oven/grill, crock pot, toaster and a load of new clothes. She's having a whale of a time. She wants a new tv too - I'm taking her to look at some soon. She's also thinking of buying a mobility scooter. She wants new furnishings when she moves - her current curtains are older than me! It's lovely to see her excitement when a new parcel of clothes turns up, she's like a kid in a sweetshop, bless her!

Wonderful news !

I can just imagine the blood draining from my stepbrother's face when he sees her with all new things. I doubt that'll happen too soon though, he only ever visited them 2-3 times a year. He lives about ten miles away.

Even more wonderful news !

Use it or lose it , I say.