Mum's being pushed into making a will

Tiger_greeneyes

It's all a big mess.

In a nutshell, Mum has just lost her husband 3 weeks ago, he died intestate. His son is now putting the pressure on Mum to make out a will so he can have her house. My brother and myself are horrified that he's doing this to her - she's 74 years old and has lung disease - we find out in 3 weeks or so if she also has lung cancer - which is incurable.

She's feeling pressurised to make a will now and because my stepfather preferred his own son to myself and my brother, he made her promise to leave everything to his son. Obviously it's her choice but I think she's going to do that because he's been to see her with his two grown up sons and it was the three of them vs Mum.

He's also trying to encourage Mum to alienate me and my brother, although I'm her carer (my brother lives 150 miles away). If I wasn't there for her she'd not be able to buy food as she doesn't drive and is unable to use public transport to get to the shops - she'd have no medication, no visitors, no clean clothes and all the other things that she relies on me for. I have fibromyalgia and am really suffering with it because I get no down-time. The stepbrother, however, is sitting in his second house which was paid for by Mum and her husband and in all has taken them for best part of £100k over the years.

I'd rather Mum leave the house to the cat's protection league (my brother said exactly the same thing last night when I rang him!) but the thought of her being hassled into leaving everything to the one person who's treated her and her husband appallingly all his life just makes me feel ill, especially since he made his dad get my Mum to promise she'd leave everything to him.

I don't even know where to start trying to untangle all this I don't want to even think about Mum making a will because it makes it seem so real that she's not going to be here one day.

If anyone has any advice I'd be really grateful. I'm hoping there's some sort of law against elderly people being harassed like that

margaretclare

Everyone should make a will. Everyone! None of us knows when we may go - the only thing we do know is that we'll go sometime, and often people have very little warning, so it makes sense to have all your affairs in order, peace of mind.

That said, it is the person's own choice what he/she sets out in the will. I suppose it wouldn't be called a 'will' otherwise, would it? It is an expression of the person's own wish and should not be influenced, 'hassled' as you put it, by anyone else.

I don't want to even think about Mum making a will because it makes it seem so real that she's not going to be here one day.

I believe that this is the way many people think, as if by not making a will it somehow fosters the cosy illusion that it will never happen. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, only two things in life are certain - death and taxes.

How is your Mum going to make a will if she can't get out, not even to the shops?

There is no law against 'elderly people being harassed like this'. It's assumed that elderly people, as long as they still have their marbles, can make the same decisions and choices as anyone of any other age. However, no one should harass anyone! It's blackmail really, isn't it, although I doubt it amounts to the kind of blackmail that the police would be interested in. I can't imagine anyone doing this kind of thing to me - they'd get a flea in the ear and go out quicker than they came in, if anyone ever tried. However, because of the state of your Mum's health and her recent widowhood she probably hasn't got the energy to fight this stepson and resist what he wants her to do.

Please pass on my deepest sympathies to your Mum. When my DH nearly died last autumn it was my worst nightmare - it would have been a second widowhood. I don't know what I would have done. Fortunately DH and I made our wills some years ago now and our wishes are clearly spelled out. I'm the same age as your Mum.

BTW lung cancer is sometimes treatable. A friend of ours has recently had surgery for this and he's recovering well. However, it does depend on how advanced it is when discovered.

monkey_spank

I would agree that your mother should make a Will.

The fact that the stepson is such a bully, if I were her I would go out of my way to ensure he doesn't get a penny. The fact is his father didn't get round to it, so your mother can do what she pleases with her estate.

OP, don't allow this person to trouble your mother.

Incidentally if your mother cannot get out of the house, then contact the Institute of Professional Willwriters on 08456 442042 to get the details of some firms in your area. Most will visit your mother at home as part of their fee.

monkeyspanner

Your Mum should make a will but now probably isn't the the best time as the recent death of her husband may cloud her decision making. It is appaling that anyone should be pressurised in this circumstance particularly as she is in ill health. Unfortunately all families seems to designate roles to family members, your role is the giver and and the stepson is the taker.

It does seem illogical to assume that the deceased husband can dictate where the money should go. If he wanted to make provision for his son this could have been done by him making a will and giving your Mum a lifetime interest in the estate.

As he died intestate there are defined rules as to the distribution of his estate and I don't think your Mum will necessarily be entitled to everything. Has anyone applied to be appointed personal representative? The PR will be responsible for sorting out the estate. If the stepson has applied to be PR you may have to contend with him manipulating the situation to secure some of his fathers assets in another way (in fact he is probably entitled to a share under the rules). You can get more information on this from the HM probate service.

This is a specialist area and your Mum should seek legal advice. Any good solicitor will do a home visit and will make sure your Mum is not under any pressure whilst making a will and the stepson and any other relative should not be present when the solicitor is given instructions by your Mum.

I hope this helps you in your difficult situation.

Errata

If anyone has any advice I'd be really grateful. I'm hoping there's some sort of law against elderly people being harassed like that

There is. Your mum is being emotionally abused. Have a look at this link, you will find them very helpful if you give them a call
http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/

localhero

monkeyspanner wrote:

As he died intestate there are defined rules as to the distribution of his estate and I don't think your Mum will necessarily be entitled to everything. Has anyone applied to be appointed personal representative? The PR will be responsible for sorting out the estate. If the stepson has applied to be PR you may have to contend with him manipulating the situation to secure some of his fathers assets in another way (in fact he is probably entitled to a share under the rules). You can get more information on this from the HM probate service.

Whether the stepson is entitled to anything under the intestacy laws will depend on the value of the estate. With effect from 1st February this year, the spouse will receive the first 250k as well as any jointly owned property. (Plus a life interest in half of the remainder.)

In addition, there is a strict pecking order in who should become the 'administrator' of the estate, and the spouse has first rights to this - so in any case the stepson shouldn't be successful in obtaining letters of administration.

If the estate consisted of jointly owned property or assets below 5k, letters of administration may not be required.

margaretclare

Errata wrote: »

There is. Your mum is being emotionally abused. Have a look at this link, you will find them very helpful if you give them a call
http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/

I've looked at this. It's a charity. What the OP was asking for was a law. I cannot find anything on the elderabuse site which says there is such a law.

EdInvestor

Sounds like in this case she should follow her husband's example if she wants to leave her assets to her own children.

prowla

When my father died, I told my stepmother I didn't want anything and it was hers.
When she died, she left me a small amount of money with which I bought a nice guitar.
That's the way it should be.

Errata

margaretclare wrote: »

I've looked at this. It's a charity. What the OP was asking for was a law. I cannot find anything on the elderabuse site which says there is such a law.

I know it's a charity. It is a great source of information and advice and if an older person is being abused the police can take action. That's where the law comes in.

scotsbob

Errata wrote: »

I know it's a charity. It is a great source of information and advice and if an older person is being abused the police can take action. That's where the law comes in.

Get the police involved??
Why? Because someone has suggested that a relative should make a will, surely not. Three weeks is hardly a time frame for harrassment. I doubt the police can do anything, far less even want to get involved.