Childminder hit my child

foi1983

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

Seems like no is taking responsibility for giving the child standards of acceptable behaviour.

That's your real problem

Standards of acceptable behaviour?

He is 3 years old and the childminder was out shopping with her mother instead of minding the child like she should have been. He should not have been able to run away.

poet123

Caroline73 wrote: »

He's 3, perfectly capable of walking. No wonder we have a generation of obese children if 3 year olds should be in prams!!!

Surely it is better that he is in a pram for a short period than at risk

Reggie_Rebel

foi1983 wrote: »

Standards of acceptable behaviour?

He is 3 years old and the childminder was out shopping with her mother instead of minding the child like she should have been. He should not have been able to run away.

How do you know? Put down your lentil soup and read the post.

At the child minders from four months, picked up from parents after work.

Who's setting the standards? Parents? Grand Parents? Child Minder? Next door's dog?

foi1983

Caroline73 wrote: »

He's 3, perfectly capable of walking. No wonder we have a generation of obese children if 3 year olds should be in prams!!!

She was going shopping with her mum in a busy store. The kid should have been on a rein (or whatever you call those things. lol) or in a pram. What has obesity got to do with it? You have totally taken my point and twisted it. Either that or you're just ignorant.

Secondly, if I were to take my 3 year child to a busy high street like Oxford circus, they would be in a pram. Futhermore, why should the child have to walk around for ages because the childminder got an urge to go shopping. Its not like she was taking him to the 1 o'clock, was she?

sammie383

I have to agree with most here.

I use a childminder, I chose one over a nursery as I knew my daughter would get more out of it. She was extermely shy when she first started a year ago, wouldnt leave my side. Now, she has grown so much in confidence.

I would NOT tolerate my CM smacking or hitting my child. My daughter just turned 2 in March, and she has recently played up a little at the CM.

For example, she hit a little girl who was visiting the childminders setting with her mum. ( Both are childminders and often try and interact the children - I have no problem with this ) My childminder told me this when I went to pick her up, and also explained to me how she had dealt with it. I.E getting down to my daughters level and explaining to her in a low tone voice that hitting is not acceptable and that she must apologise to the little girl. My daughter did this. That is exactly how I would have handled that situation and so I was happy with the way it was handled.

My CM does take my daughter out, she takes her to play groups and also to her older sons school to drop him off in the morning. We tried reins with my LO, but she hated them , so the childminder always makes sure my daughter is holding onto her younger sons pram at all times. Anytime she takes her to play groups or the like, I am told about it first.

I too would be worried as to why your CM felt it ok to take your son to a shopping centre with her mum? As others have said you are paying her to care for your son, and she didnt do it very well that day did she?

Dont get me wrong, your son should be told that what he did was wrong and dangerous, but no smacking need be involved. I can remember all my mum ever needed to do was raise her voice to me and I was in tears!

On a side note, I was never smacked by my mum, however when I was 11, my step dad ( didnt ever call him dad, but he'd been around 3-4 years by this time ) smacked me on the bottom. I cant remember what for now, but it wasnt anything totally awful that I had done. To this day it disgusts me that he touched me like that, and that he felt he had the right to smack me, when my mum never did and didnt agree with it.

Caroline73_2

poet123 wrote: »

Surely it is better that he is in a pram for a short period than at risk

I see what you are saying but then a pram isn't there to keep a child in place and stop them from running away, it's a mode of transport. The child shouldn't have been subjected to a shopping trip jolly outing and put 'at risk'.

sammie383

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

At the child minders from four months, picked up from parents after work.

Who's setting the standards? Parents? Grand Parents? Child Minder? Next door's dog?

Some people cant afforc NOT to go back towork after having children! I work, and have done since my DD was 1, I would have went back sooner had it not been that I was moving over 400 miles!

I work and my DH works to give my daughter a better life than we had as children!

I have chosen to work only part-time however so taht I don't miss out on my LO growing up, and she knows that I provided for her myself without handouts, yet was able to be there aswell.

foi1983

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

How do you know? Put down your lentil soup and read the post.

At the child minders from four months, picked up from parents after work.

Who's setting the standards? Parents? Grand Parents? Child Minder? Next door's dog?

I think we are going off topic here. The post is about the childminder smacking the child, not our views on what it takes to be a good parent.

The bottom line is that the childminder was not given permission to smack the child and she did. End of.

PS. I am not drinking lentil soup - it's chicken soup.

Taye

foi1983 wrote: »

I think we are going off topic here. The post is about the childminder smacking the child, not our views on what it takes to be a good parent.

The bottom line is that the childminder was not given permission to smack the child and she did. End of.

PS. I am not drinking lentil soup - it's chicken soup.

I totally agree, even if the child was being a little "so and so" the childminder had NO right to hit him, infact im pretty sure she/he isn't legally allowed to.

amersall

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Hoping you can offer some advice/ opinions on this one....

My DS 3 goes to a childminder fulltime and has done so since he was four months old. He seems to adore her and vice versa.

I went to pick my ds up after work from my parents who collect him from the childminder every day. They told me that my ds had run away from the childminder whilst out shopping. He seemed really unhappy and kept saying "**** smacked my bum. I am not a bad boy mummy I am a good boy. " I must admit I dismissed it out of hand that she had smacked him and was just concerned that he was safe and OK.

When I got home I spoke to my OH and we agreed that we would phone the childminder and find out what had happened. I was a bit annoyed that she had not contacted me herself to let me know what had happened.

She told me that on Friday they were in a shopping centre with the childminder's mum and my ds "ran away". They were in M&S and he was hiding under the clothes rails as apparently he normally does. Only this time he did not come out. Apparently they spent about 10 minutes racing around trying to find him. They eventually got hold of a security guard and the whole shopping centre was about to be locked down when they found him on one of the rides in the main mall. They had told him he would be allowed on the ride after they had done their shopping and it seems he just wandered off.

She admitted straight away that she smacked him as she was so worried and upset when he had gone missing and wanted to make sure he understood the seriousness of what he had done. She said she treats him as one of her own and that is what she would have done with her own children. She said she would probably get the sack for admitting this in a joking way.

I told her I understood why she did it as I didn't know what else to say.

I can understand that both the CM and her mum were frantic with worry but my OH is adamant that she should not have smacked him. It was not her decision to make.

What worries me is that there have been a number of times previously when my ds has told me that he has been smacked. I understand that kids can make things up - I had previously dismissed this when he had told me, but after Friday I am wondering whether or not this may have happened before. I am not for one minute suggesting she is constantly abusing - I just think she may be using this as a form of punishment if he is naughty.

I brought him to the childminder today and she just shrugged off what had happened. My DS was really unhappy to be there and kept telling me tha the childminder was a naughty girl. I have told him that no-one is allowed to smack him and he must tell me if it happens and to tell the childminder that she is not allowed to smack him.

What do you think?

are you at work today? as i think its odd that you can post on here from 5 to 10, till after 1, and your child is with a child minder who smacks him and he was upset this morning when you dropped him off, i dont see the logic in this, not saying you are a bad mum, but unless you are at work you would not have dropped him off today, you should have kept him home with you and sorted this incident today, the longer you leave it the harder it will be to say what you have to say to her