Childminder hit my child

HariboJunkie

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

Seems like no is taking responsibility for giving the child standards of acceptable behaviour.

That's your real problem

Oh for crying out loud, he's little more than a toddler:rolleyes:. I don't know of one who wouldn't give someone the slip if ALLOWED the opportunity.
I agree that he needs spoken to about it but the issue here is that no matter what he had done she shouldn't have smacked him a. because it is not her place and b. because it is against Ofsted rules.


OP I don't understand what you are saying. In your OP you said that....

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

I must admit I dismissed it out of hand that she had smacked him and was just concerned that he was safe and OK.

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

I was a bit annoyed that she had not contacted me herself to let me know what had happened.

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

I told her I understood why she did it as I didn't know what else to say.

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

What worries me is that there have been a number of times previously when my ds has told me that he has been smacked. I understand that kids can make things up - I had previously dismissed this when he had told me,

But in your last post you say.....

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Please be assured I am livid about this. .

Which is it? Is it really your OH who is annoyed? Can he deal with it if you are not really that fussed?

stokefan

i have only read the first page, but as far as i can see, the child and the child minder are very hapy together, and the child deserved a smack, he needs to be taught right from wrong, you have got to put your self in the minders situation, if it was me, the fist thing i would do is be so relieved to find the child, secondly upset that he had ran off.

you need to sit down with the child minder and discuss how you want the child bringing up.
YOU BOTH NEED TO BE PULLING IN THE SAME DIRECTION

pretzelnut

Children have the right to:

recognition of their value as people and not merely as adults in waiting.

recieve physical and emotional care,

Feel safe from all forms of physical and mental violence and deliberate humiliation including physical punishment from parents,

express their views on all matters of concern to them and have to be taken seriously,

respect for thier evolving capacity, including the gradual of acceptance and responsibility.

These principles are enshrined in the UN convention on the rightsof the child. In December 1991 the UK government formally agreed to abide by them.

HariboJunkie

supermezzo wrote: »

Seriously? I've been a nanny for many, many years and at no point would I ever 'reward' a child with a hug for doing something such as running off. In one breath you say he is 3 and doesn't have the brains to know whats dangerous and not and yet in the next, you advocate an 'in depth' explanation with him. A hug when you find him on the rides doing exactly what he wanted to do teaches him that it's ok to do it!

You are failing to take into account some Mothers' natural instinct of relief at finind a child who was missing. Mine would probably have been hugged first too, then dealt with by a tellling off and a punishment like withdrawal of a treat to make sure it stuck in their mind. But we're all different.

poet123

I think that many of us may have acted similarly with our own child in the heat of the moment. However, she was not with her own child, she was in an employment situation, and her reaction was not one that should be expected from a professional. I agree that kids do run off, but only if they get the opportunity, it seems that this has happened before, so he should have been in a buggy, or on reins. Not allowed to roam about the shop unwatched.

I am afraid that I would not feel confident in leavig my child with this woman any longer, mainly from an overall safety pov, not the smacking issue. Added to that is the factor that the child is unhappy about being there, and he would not have gone back if he were my son.

A few weeks ago a 4 year old was killed near a relatives house, she was walking up the road with her mother, and the mother was not holding her hand, and suddenly she darted into the road in front of a car. All kids should be restrained or have their hand held in public places until you are confident they will not run off, common sense needs to be ressurected.

HariboJunkie

stokefan wrote: »

i have only read the first page, but as far as i can see, the child and the child minder are very hapy together,

Did you read the OP? .......

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

My DS was really unhappy to be there and kept telling me tha the childminder was a naughty girl.

coolio_2

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

Absolutely! He is aware that I do not want anyone to smack him and that if it happens he is to tell me and tell the other person that they are not to smack him. We do not smack him and I was making it clear to him that I do not see this as the norm.

By saying this I was not asking my three year old to confront the child minder on my behalf - that is plain ridiculous

Put yourself in your sons shoes. You have told your mummy numerous times before you have been spanked. She ignored you.

Then you tell her again, and it causes lots of discussion at home/mummy is on the phone finding out I was a naughty boy and ran off. I have to face the woman again on Monday who I told on. Mummy is sending me back there.

When I am next spanked, I have to stand up to the adult who has spanked me before.


The poor kid must be so confused. By not reiterating to the lady no spanking under any circumstances you have given her the go ahead. What happens if today he feels scared and starts acting up and gets spanked again?

The CM lost control and you need to think whether you want someone like that looking after your kid?

As for treating them like her own, that would be too close for my liking. She coul be showering/bathing, going to the toilet in front of your kid.

Hoof_Hearted

Having spent a long time in education, this story rings too many familiar bells. The child is naughty and causes a hell of a fuss and you can imagine how the childminder felt. She probably smacked him because of her own pent up emotions. The parents will immediately focus on the childninder's wrongs, rather than on their precious child's awful behaviour. I am sure that officialdom would come down on the childminder like a ton of bricks beacuse we are all so PC now and she would probably lose her job. Where you went wrong:

1) not bringing your child up to behave properly;
2) not establishing the rules of engagement with the childminder in the first place;
3) making a big deal of it with your precious -- kids are great at sussing out divisions between adults.

If you don't like it, get a new childminder. However, I think you would be vindictive to report her.

HariboJunkie

Hoof_Hearted wrote: »

Having spent a long time in education, this story rings too many familiar bells. The child is naughty and causes a hell of a fuss and you can imagine how the childminder felt. She probably smacked him because of her own pent up emotions. The parents will immediately focus on the childninder's wrongs, rather than on their precious child's awful behaviour. I am sure that officialdom would come down on the childminder like a ton of bricks beacuse we are all so PC now and she would probably lose her job. Where you went wrong:

1) not bringing your child up to behave properly;
2) not establishing the rules of engagement with the childminder in the first place;
3) making a big deal of it with your precious -- kids are great at sussing out divisions between adults.

If you don't like it, get a new childminder. However, I think you would be vindictive to report her.

You say you have spent many years "in education". Can I ask how many years you have spent as a parent?

You say that the OP has not brought her child up properly. Are you aware that he is 3 YEARS OLD?

Yes, he did wrong to run a way but he was in the care of an adult while he is, let's say it again, 3! I think in that situation that ultimately the responsibility lies with her. Also, if he is regularly with the childminder, does she get any criticism for the way he is being brought up?

As for "rules of engagement", I agree that ground rules should be laid out from the start but the issue of smacking shouldn't even need to be mentioned as it is against the Ofsted rules for her to smack the child as it is for teachers.

noodledoodle78

Can I please reiterate again we had spoken about smacking and the childminder assured me previously that she did not smack!